Stress Center Peer Support

I'm in kind of a confusing place in terms of what my actual "diagnosis" is. This is creating anxiety for me. I have had random scary thoughts about doing bad things to people in the past but didn't dwell on them for too too long. Or like this morning when I woke up and was trying to remember what I had dreamed about, the thought "it involved killing 3 women" popped into my head. So random, yet unnerving. One book I have on OCD says that part of battling it is to just let the thought be there. The "what if's" followed shortly there after. I don't really deal with compulsions, like counting, etc. What is upsetting me, is that I'm wondering if trying to block out or diffuse these random thoughts when they occur means that I have a mental compulsion of sorts. Or if the "rumination" will start to happen. I got scared and the words "it involved killing 3 women" kept playing over and over in my head. Part of my brain was saying to just let that happen, it's just a thought, and the other part started to panic because I read that severe rumination might require antipsychotic medication. I think the anxiety was perpetuating the thought and scaring me. Overall, I tend to be more of an obsessive worry, feeling highly anxious to the point of panic sometimes. I defintely catastrophise and get anticipatory anxiety in fear of more panic, along with the fear of being embarrassed or judged which leads to avoidance and mild agoraphobia. Can Anyone shed some light on this.

Not sure if I can help but a lot of the suggestions and discussions is doing both - allowing the thought and then distraction.

So, what that would mean, is when you think of "it involved killing 3 women" go ahead and just allow that thought - don't feel any guilt, anger or disgust about thinking it. Let yourself think about it for a while, and then go about what you were doing or do something else.

I think the 'beating up' part is the worse. It is like not thinking about the pink elephant. When you allow yourself to think about things they usually are the easiest to go away.

I've done this with my anxiety, when I 'dare' myself to think about it or even invite the fear - "come on, fear, come back, is that all you've got?" kind of thinking, it usually goes away.

It's when we tell ourselves NOT to think of a certain thing or we admonish ourselves or shame ourselves, for some reason it makes us want to think about it even more.

The human mind is a funny thing isn't it.

Hello Star Woman. I read your post and I can totally relate. It is the sentences that pop into my mind that bother me most, sentences about things I would never do or want to do, that keep going around and around. They cause me panic and anxiety and the more I try to make them go away the worse they get.

I too have read that the best way to deal with them is to just let them be and go on with other business, but when they are really awful things I feel guilty for not trying to force them out of my head, as if I am consenting to them by allowing them to stay there. It all gets so confusing until I am able to voice them to my dear and extremely patient husband. Once they are out in the open they seem to subside, until the next one comes along!

Thankfully the medicine I have for anxiety does help a lot with what I believe are OCD symptoms, just the obsessive parts, not the compulsive parts, which I also don't really deal with myself.

Thanks for sharing the nature of your thoughts openly here -- it helped me because sometimes it isn't something a person wants to tell anyone else for fear of being judged

What medication do you take Annika?

Sounds like me. I had "Obsessive-O" form or OCD, which is the obsessive thoughts without the compulsions.

Once I learned how to allow the thoughts to be there without reacting to them they stopped coming. It is all about not being scared of the thought. Let the pink elephant be in the room. Awknowledge it, laught at it, and then move on the what ever you need to do next. For example: "It involved killing 3 women, oh, funny thought, but its just a thought, now, I need to go brush my teeth and get my shower. I have to get to work." Then each time the thought pops back in there, same response, and keep moving on to what you need to do next. It takes alot of practice so don't get discouraged. It took me months to master it, but now I'm doing great and I don't have those thoughts anymore.

I can totally relate to scary thoughts. I have them most of the time and this is what causes me to have anxiety. If I could just stop thinking about hurting others or myself I feel that I could relax a alot better.

Now when I use my positive dialog, say that I think about hurting my cat, I say Oh I would never do that, then a "voice" in my head would say yes you would. This totally freaks me out! This makes me think that I am going crazy. And then I really work myself up, and I almost went into a panic attack the other night, but I prayed to god and used my positive dialog to calm me down.

This recently just started happening to me. Its weird.

Then I thought I was scheziprenic (however you spell that) because I thought I was hearing voices and some of the symptoms for anxiety seem to be the same as schezoprenia. When I read the symptoms I freaked! I totally felt my heart pound harder, and I started to tremble and then I text my boyfriend that I was having a panic attack because I consider him my safe place.

Can anybody relate to this other "Voice"?

Star Woman, I have ativan medication to take as needed for anxiety and I find that when my thoughts are just spinning so fast and I cannot calm them down myself, it does help.

Amberlee, I know what you mean about the "voice", which I believe is really not a voice in the real sense, but just another thought or sentence that is popping up to confuse us! It also happens to me when I am trying to talk positively to myself or negate a bad thought, the opposite thought comes to mind immediately, just a quickly as the others do.

The dialogue that goes on is just like any other, non scary thought that you have. Our mind "discusses" things all day long, we just don't pay very much attention uneless it is during a hyper-sensitive moment. Scary thoughts are hard, but they do go away in time if you do not give them any merit.

Chrystal

I can totally relate about that "voice" thing

But the only voice in your head is your own. I've had those thoughts like about hurting others and then I begin to counter it and my anxiety will try and sabotage it by saying you would hurt someone.

Remember that we are all reprogramming our minds and getting rid of these old thinking habits that are fear and panic based. So thoughts will seem more random then they already are because we are trying something different. It takes time and eventually you find a balance.

I am reading a book now called What to Say when you talk to yourself. It is about self-talk. It was recommended to me by Carolyn Dickman, it is a wonderful book and I highly recommend it as well.

But anyway back to the topic. Sometimes less effort is really the key. When i try and try to counter or stop obsessing too much I obsess even more. Sometimes I just say to myself. These thoughts are scenarios I never want to happen. They never will happen. Thinking about it will not make it happen. Having them will not change my true desires. This is anxiety. Move on. And I keep doing what I need to keep doing and sure enough it goes away.

Some moments are a little harder than others but it really does get more effortless with each day.

To all those with obsessive thoughts: My heart goes out to you and pray our days of suffering with any number of things that take away the joy of life will soon end. A scripture says the time will come when "no one will say I am sick." That relief will come through God's Kingdom millions pray for.
Something else for you to consider, do any of you have any connection with the occult or have you brought something home from a used clothing or furniture store ? Do you have a Ougi Board(wrong spelling, hope you know what I mean) or occult books... Sometimes a negative spirit will tag along with your purchase. My daughter bought a sweater and that night the dial on the radio was going up and down with no one touching it. She figured it was her new purchase and immediately got rid of it. That ended that, thank goodness...negative spirits are nasty so we have to be careful not to invite them into our home...They most definitely will play havoc with our thinking process...Wish you success in finding the road to peace of mind...