Hello my name is Amber. I would like to share my scary thoughts and hopefully somebody out there can comfort me or have the same thoughts that I do, and if you do please share them with me so that I don't feel like I am in the dark with this.
Ok first off in the program Lucinda says that theses thoughts start with "What if", and I am unsure if my thoughts do start with those words.
First Scary Thought:
I love my cat a lot, and everytime I think about him or look at him it is alsmost a reaction to think of a scary thought, but I do not think the complete thought because it scares me. The word's "hurt", "Kill", and "Knife" will be pop into my head and I instantly know its going to be a bad thought so I run from it. I also turn around from my precious angels(kitties) or (doggies) to avoid from possibly hurting them, but I know that I won't do it. I have had this one thought in my head off and on for about six years and you would think that I would get over it, but for some reason I can't.
Second Scary Thought:
My second scary thought usually happens when I am watching tv. I will think about cutting peoples throats with a knife. I cannot watch scary movies , or the news at all, and I haven't for about 6 years because when I do it brings the scary thoughts to the surface. I was even scared to watch the movie Monsters and Aliens because the title alone scared me, but I watched it anyway because in the back of my head it was like come on its a kid movie. Turned out I actually liked the movie. It was cute! When I watch scary movies or the news and see that someone has murdered another person I ask myself "what makes a person so angry to kill another person?" "Am I going to go crazy like that?" or "Am I capable of killing another person?" Most of the time I don't know the answer because of my scary thoughts.
Third Scary Thought:
I have this thought occasionally about stabbing myself in the eye with a sharp object. I could be a penicl when I am doing my homework, a fork when I am eating food, or a knife when I am in the kitchen cooking.
Those are my worst scary thoughts and I am always questioning my sanity. I feel evil on the inside because of the thoughts, but on the outside I am sweet, condisterate, polite, polished, and intellegent.
I also get really dizzy all the time. I will become dizzy off and on throughtout the day and sometimes I just cannot concentrate. I find that I am at my dizziest when I am really stressed, and have a lot on my mind, and even so when I have those scary creepy thoughts in my head.
I need some support! I would like your opinions of this.
Thanks,
Amber!!!
My Scary thoughts
-
AlaskanAmber
- Posts: 21
- Joined: Wed Mar 18, 2009 10:11 pm
Hey,
Actually this is VERY common, I suffer from similar scary thoughts too, I could't wash knives,or be near scissors for awhile, b/c the fact that things were a "possibility" freaked me out.
Be assured, while these thoughts may come and go, they're quite common, "normal people" think similar things, but don't dwell on them, they may even say them outloud or joke, and then they move on. We however, stall on the thought, freak, out , think "what's wrong w/ me??" what kind of horrible person thinks this? And our thought train continues.
I once had a counselor explain this to me in this way.
"kinda a nightmare during the day" and when we have stess in our lives, our brain will do a 180, and think about somthing so far out, so improbable for us, that the thought distracts us from reality and what's really bothering us.
For example, you may have a change, or event going on , or even long term stress in your life, this event doesn't seem to bother you, but worrying about hurting yourself, loved ones, or pets, is such a distraction, that your no longer thinking about the true reality event in your life.
Make sense?
Also the counselor said, the Fact this thought disturbs you, is good, it shows we have a conscience, we know it's wrong, and we WON"T GO THROUGH WITH IT.
We start to overanalize our thoughts to the point we're makeing it worse.
Get out of your head, back into reality, get outside, go for a walk, cook, etc.
Next time it happens, ask yourself " is this thought true?"
Will I hurt my cat right now? NO!!
I won't dwell on this scary thought, it's not MY reality. and get busy . When we stay in our head too long, we spiral into our scary thought trains.
Also being super sensitive, I too avoid the news, scary movies, b/c we dwell on the bad stuff, worry we're capable of it, and try to put ourselves in thier shoes, why would they do that?? etc. We're careing sensitive people who think about alot of things to the point it'll make us sick if we don't let it go, and dismiss the thought.
My favorite saying " don't believe everything you think".
Also bible gives us instructions on what to think. " Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is beautiful, righteous, excellant or praiseworthy, THINK on these things. " I recite this verse when I find my scary thoughts creeping in.
Much peace and prayers to you, just keep practicing, your working on replacing the negative thoughts w/ positive ones.
When you get scary thoughts, replace them w/ a good one. Going to the beach, giving your cat a treat, watching a sunset etc.
Good luck, we're more normal than we think!!!
Actually this is VERY common, I suffer from similar scary thoughts too, I could't wash knives,or be near scissors for awhile, b/c the fact that things were a "possibility" freaked me out.
Be assured, while these thoughts may come and go, they're quite common, "normal people" think similar things, but don't dwell on them, they may even say them outloud or joke, and then they move on. We however, stall on the thought, freak, out , think "what's wrong w/ me??" what kind of horrible person thinks this? And our thought train continues.
I once had a counselor explain this to me in this way.
"kinda a nightmare during the day" and when we have stess in our lives, our brain will do a 180, and think about somthing so far out, so improbable for us, that the thought distracts us from reality and what's really bothering us.
For example, you may have a change, or event going on , or even long term stress in your life, this event doesn't seem to bother you, but worrying about hurting yourself, loved ones, or pets, is such a distraction, that your no longer thinking about the true reality event in your life.
Make sense?
Also the counselor said, the Fact this thought disturbs you, is good, it shows we have a conscience, we know it's wrong, and we WON"T GO THROUGH WITH IT.
We start to overanalize our thoughts to the point we're makeing it worse.
Get out of your head, back into reality, get outside, go for a walk, cook, etc.
Next time it happens, ask yourself " is this thought true?"
Will I hurt my cat right now? NO!!
I won't dwell on this scary thought, it's not MY reality. and get busy . When we stay in our head too long, we spiral into our scary thought trains.
Also being super sensitive, I too avoid the news, scary movies, b/c we dwell on the bad stuff, worry we're capable of it, and try to put ourselves in thier shoes, why would they do that?? etc. We're careing sensitive people who think about alot of things to the point it'll make us sick if we don't let it go, and dismiss the thought.
My favorite saying " don't believe everything you think".
Also bible gives us instructions on what to think. " Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is beautiful, righteous, excellant or praiseworthy, THINK on these things. " I recite this verse when I find my scary thoughts creeping in.
Much peace and prayers to you, just keep practicing, your working on replacing the negative thoughts w/ positive ones.
When you get scary thoughts, replace them w/ a good one. Going to the beach, giving your cat a treat, watching a sunset etc.
Good luck, we're more normal than we think!!!
Alaskan Amber: What a great response. Thank you for that. Really helped. Amberlee I can relate to you. I think many of us on here can. You will get through this!!
The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything." Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God
-
txfirefghter
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Thu Sep 10, 2009 12:42 pm
hey amberlee, check this post out.
http://bbs.stresscenter.com/ev...2105472/m/4691056423
i too have those thoughts. its OCD. they suck, they are scary and the good thing is.. you are seeking for help so you will never act out on those thoughts!
when i was real young in juniour high, some kid talked about breaking a dogs neck. i began to think about soing that. really freaked me out. then it went to poking my dogs eyes out.
first and formost talk to an OCD specialist!
everytime i had that thought i would run to my dog and hug it. i felt so bad and gross. turns out that was the exact thing to do. OCDers need to approch the thoughts. if knives trigger it, then use knives all the time. tell the OCD "im gonna use this knife for cooking. you can give me the thoughts if you want but i am still going to use it for the right reasons." its rough at first but the thoughts begin to become less and less frequent. and when they do come they dont last very long.
hope this helps.
http://bbs.stresscenter.com/ev...2105472/m/4691056423
i too have those thoughts. its OCD. they suck, they are scary and the good thing is.. you are seeking for help so you will never act out on those thoughts!
when i was real young in juniour high, some kid talked about breaking a dogs neck. i began to think about soing that. really freaked me out. then it went to poking my dogs eyes out.
first and formost talk to an OCD specialist!
everytime i had that thought i would run to my dog and hug it. i felt so bad and gross. turns out that was the exact thing to do. OCDers need to approch the thoughts. if knives trigger it, then use knives all the time. tell the OCD "im gonna use this knife for cooking. you can give me the thoughts if you want but i am still going to use it for the right reasons." its rough at first but the thoughts begin to become less and less frequent. and when they do come they dont last very long.
hope this helps.
-
annika2009
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Tue Dec 22, 2009 3:59 pm
Amberlee, I understand exactly what you mean about these thoughts about knives, pencils, doing things to hurt people or animals etc.
In fact, I couldn't even read your entire post because I knew that it would bring to mind my own thoughts that scare me! Of course I am not saying that you shouldn't be so honest, because it is great that you can be on this forum, I am just showing an example of how similar my difficulties are to yours. When I notice something that is going to go in a certain direction, I avoid it. I cannot watch anything scary on the news (my husband is very quick to turn down the volume when something ugly comes on so I don't hear it from the other room!)
Someone once said to me that part of the reason our minds formulate these thoughts is because people do actually commit these horrific deeds in our world. If they did not, the thought of us doing them ourselves probably wouldn't come to mind. That made sense to me.
Anyway, you are certainly not alone.
In fact, I couldn't even read your entire post because I knew that it would bring to mind my own thoughts that scare me! Of course I am not saying that you shouldn't be so honest, because it is great that you can be on this forum, I am just showing an example of how similar my difficulties are to yours. When I notice something that is going to go in a certain direction, I avoid it. I cannot watch anything scary on the news (my husband is very quick to turn down the volume when something ugly comes on so I don't hear it from the other room!)
Someone once said to me that part of the reason our minds formulate these thoughts is because people do actually commit these horrific deeds in our world. If they did not, the thought of us doing them ourselves probably wouldn't come to mind. That made sense to me.
Anyway, you are certainly not alone.
-
annika2009
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Tue Dec 22, 2009 3:59 pm
Forgot to mention thank you to AlaskanAmber and txfirefighter for your additional responses which are so helpful.
I find too that when I am stressed or anxious about anything at all, it is manifested in my thoughts which may or may not have anything at all to do with the specific situation. They are just my regular disturbing thoughts that I deal with every day but they escalate to a higher level because of the anxiety or stress that is affecting my exterior life.
That's what is hard to explain to anyone without this problem, because they assume that I am "worrying" about the situation and thinking about it, but I cannot tell them what I am actually thinking and worrying about!
I find too that when I am stressed or anxious about anything at all, it is manifested in my thoughts which may or may not have anything at all to do with the specific situation. They are just my regular disturbing thoughts that I deal with every day but they escalate to a higher level because of the anxiety or stress that is affecting my exterior life.
That's what is hard to explain to anyone without this problem, because they assume that I am "worrying" about the situation and thinking about it, but I cannot tell them what I am actually thinking and worrying about!
-
Debbie Mac
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Mon Dec 07, 2009 9:14 pm
amberlee scary thoughts are just that you will never act on them. I went to see Lucinda 25 years ago and then I went to see one of her male speakers in Windsor a while back and his scary thought was that he would murder with an ax his roommate at the time he was going to school or something along those lines and I myself used to think I was going to murder my own child and I was terrified of ever having this thought knowing the person I am and it took alot of strength to tell this to my shrink at the time because I thought they would take my baby away because I was nuts but they didn't and in fact she told me this is all normal when you don't know how to handle the stressors in your life which is why you bought this programme! I know these thoughts are scary and you want them to go away but accept them for now and believe in a very short time they will no longer scare you in fact they will no longer be a part of your new life after this programme unless you are like me now answering someone's plea in an email to know that they are not losing their mind. I would suggest you go see their team if they ever come to your town it makes a big difference to actually see the person talk about this then it is to watch them on a DVD.
I'm going through this for the first time in my life, since last october. I just moved in with my BF (stressor), my mom is sick (stressor), and im bored with my job (stressor. So i just try to keep it in mind that its all those stressors giving me nightmares and creepy thoughts.
I feel your pain! this is the hardest thing ive EVER had to deal with. its kinda funny its like i think now, i was worried about eating in public...pfff thats nothing compared to this crap.
I'm still working on getting help for it, but one of the things that has helped me is to remember why im a good person, and to let myself feel empathy and passion and emotion. My bf has told me on countless occassions that people who do those evil things dont have much empathy. So i do something to remind myself that i do...that ive been such a good person. and that my desire to want to continue to be a good person is so strong...which is a great sign.
For example, it helps me to read nature books.
Wesley the Owl was incredible. Read it, allow yourself to fall in love with Wesley. Try reading Dewey the library cat...i promise you...that one might make you cry in the first chapter. Have a good cry. its ok. and if it doesnt make you cry...that ok too.
I also watched a Nickelodeon program on this girl who had multiple sclerosis and started a support group for other girls in her area and felt strong loving emotions.
I hate violent movies, and can barely watch anything now in the media or in movies because of what im going through. (i cant even see sherlock holmes right now, and i had wanted to before october) but i remember back to when i had seen violent movies...and how much i disliked the bad guys sometimes.
Think of when you were good in your life.
and when you think of when you felt bad about something you did...its ok. its normal. its okay to be irritable every now and then..most people are way more irritable then us and they are fine with it. (i swear i give way more smiles than i ever receive...ever feel like that?)
we are good people, because we have the desire to be. listen to Lucinda...most of us with anxiety have that personality type and are the most gentle people. Try to think on that when you are having troubles.
I feel your pain! this is the hardest thing ive EVER had to deal with. its kinda funny its like i think now, i was worried about eating in public...pfff thats nothing compared to this crap.
I'm still working on getting help for it, but one of the things that has helped me is to remember why im a good person, and to let myself feel empathy and passion and emotion. My bf has told me on countless occassions that people who do those evil things dont have much empathy. So i do something to remind myself that i do...that ive been such a good person. and that my desire to want to continue to be a good person is so strong...which is a great sign.
For example, it helps me to read nature books.
Wesley the Owl was incredible. Read it, allow yourself to fall in love with Wesley. Try reading Dewey the library cat...i promise you...that one might make you cry in the first chapter. Have a good cry. its ok. and if it doesnt make you cry...that ok too.
I also watched a Nickelodeon program on this girl who had multiple sclerosis and started a support group for other girls in her area and felt strong loving emotions.
I hate violent movies, and can barely watch anything now in the media or in movies because of what im going through. (i cant even see sherlock holmes right now, and i had wanted to before october) but i remember back to when i had seen violent movies...and how much i disliked the bad guys sometimes.
Think of when you were good in your life.
and when you think of when you felt bad about something you did...its ok. its normal. its okay to be irritable every now and then..most people are way more irritable then us and they are fine with it. (i swear i give way more smiles than i ever receive...ever feel like that?)
we are good people, because we have the desire to be. listen to Lucinda...most of us with anxiety have that personality type and are the most gentle people. Try to think on that when you are having troubles.
"If you see the wonder of a fairytale, you can face the future even if you fail."