Getting Better with these Scary Obsessive thoughts!

EddyJ · Post by **EddyJ** » Fri Jan 22, 2010 4:23 am

So I would really like to thank everyone who has the courage to share their experiences on these forums. All the advice and encouragement is very important.

I have been having some scary thoughts about hurting others since October. Well I followed some of the advice on these forums and it has given me a better understanding about where these thoughts come from, how many millions have it, and just knowledge and self-awareness.

One thing is knowing it is just a thought what is really bothering you, let go. And another thing is knowing why such random thoughts pop into your head. And why you obsess in the first place.

I was too scared before to even research about it because I was afraid I would find out I really was crazy or homicidal. But I am more prepared for my full recovery now because of information.

I watched a video from Dr. Steven Phillipson that gave me so much comfort.

I also went to OCD Foundation.com like some suggested and found an OCD specialist to be my new therapist. I also ordered The Imp of the Mind. You really do see that people have been having scary thoughts and obsessing forever.

You will also see how it is not so much the specific thought you obsess about, but it is more about your ability , through bad habit, to obsess about anything.

I have obsessed about hurting others with knives because I have seen on the news and heard stories or on tv and in movies about people doing so. But If it was common for people to spontaneously burst into talking elephants wearing Italian business suits I would most definitely be obsessing about that haha.

God Bless and Much Love,

Eddy J

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 22, 2010 6:08 am

Edddddddddddddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

Way to go, dude!!!! You should be very proud of yourself!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 22, 2010 10:28 am

Charlie you are one of the people on here giving encouragement and no doubt many of your posts helped me and others. so thanks.

thanks for your link , it lead me to a great OCD specialists.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 22, 2010 11:22 am

Thank you!! We all need a pick me up sometimes. So glad to hear you are doing good. Keep it up!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 24, 2010 10:53 am

Originally posted by EddyJ:
Charlie you are one of the people on here giving encouragement and no doubt many of your posts helped me and others. so thanks.

thanks for your link , it lead me to a great OCD specialists.

My pleasure, EddyJ.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 31, 2010 10:58 am

GRATS! this gives me some hope too. i just went through a major life change of moving into an apartment complex. i started obsessing about death in general because my mom was really sick. then i obsessed about people breaking into my apartment and hurting me. then it turned into..."why is everything so dark to me lately...why do i have these dark negative thoughts" then i had a dream where i had to defend myself with knives against an intruder into my apartment. i woke up and was terrified...full blown anxiety attack. then i thought "omg, i think my brain is changing...its so dark and violent...maybe I'M becoming violent...worse yet maybe ive always been violent. like why dont i fall in love....why dont i have friends? i must not like people...ETC ETC"

and it stopped for most of january and i started to see how silly it was.

but then we had a friend over last night and i kept having flashes of ....almost testing myself...would i hurt this person?? and i started feeling sick to my stomach. i literally throw up when i start thinking like this almost every time!

cause we think "why would we even imagine or think like this...we must be crazy" am i right?

Anyways, your post gives me hope that it can get better. and i believe it will over time.
you all sound like generous nice people who couldnt hurt flies. keep it up!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:30 pm

Hey Kami,

I totally know what you mean about "testing" yourself. I find that I am getting bored of some of these thoughts that I might hurt others or go crazy. Sometimes I will be feeling completely fine and begin to obsess as to why I am not anxious or obsessing. It makes you realize how silly it is haha.

The thoughts make me sick to my stomach and Ill tear up and feel guilty. But I am relentless. I continue to extinct these irrational fears daily.

I have definitely seen improvement in just 2 weeks. The scheduling my free time thing really helped. And humor does as well. Also avoidance makes it worse so I am still eating dinner using knife and fork haha

Take care and if ever you have questions, shoot

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 31, 2010 4:29 pm

lol watch out for those forks!

i hope i get bored and i will def take you up on that offer. i got better for a couple of weeks...then started worrying again. i just feel like an agitated different person...then i think im losing my mind...i dont want to go crazy or lose my sense of control or values. i hate thinking its possible. i know its far fetched for it to happen...but i dont like feeling detached and weird. i dont act crazy but sometimes my head hurts and i feel crazy. sound familar to you? i dunno...everyone tells me its just stress and i hope so.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Feb 01, 2010 1:27 pm

Hey Kami,

I know exactly what you mean. I feel detatched some times and very spacey. Sometimes you have so many thoughts you don't know what to believe. I don't like the feeling because it brings on other different scary thoughts. But humor works so well. Like sometimes I picture what it would be like if I was a chef at Benihana and had to entertain and chop things with huge knives in front of a table full of obsessive thinkers.HAHAHA, dinner would never get done

Sometimes there are so many thoughts you do feel like a different person. But I find what works is...hey if I go crazy that is fine, but I will take the risk because I really want this chocolate cake. I know that is random but maybe you know what I mean haha

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Feb 01, 2010 3:44 pm

eddyj what link do you speak of. I looked for ocd founation.com but got lost. my email is ariestile@live.com thanks for any help you can give me