Anyone ever deal with this...please help I really need it

clearsky27 · Post by **clearsky27** » Mon Feb 15, 2010 5:10 pm

I know this might be a little long but if you can please help me....im driving myself nutts with this.

So Ive written about my relationship ocd before and how I am always afraid that Im going to do something to mess up my life with my fiance. Lately whenever I go out and I see someone good looking of the opposit sex I will think in my head "oh my god you want to make out with them", "what would you do if they tried to kiss you" or wanted to buy you a drink" what if you started talking to them and liked them as a person"

All of these thoughts get me really anxious and I am afraid that what if one day I am out and i get the "What if I dont love my fiance thought" and someone tries to kiss me and I freeze and just do it. I know its normal to think people are attractive and that people themselves like to be attractive to other but I am so afraid I will act on something, even though I dont want to . Then Ill think what if I do want to ....but I dont want to think that either...ahhh its so frustrating. I love my fiance so much and Im so afriad of messing up. Which I think is becasuse in college I used to make out a lot with guys and never had a seriosu relationship(that was over 6 years ago)

I guess my question is that if your going over all these things in your head in almost a dazed like state, would I just freeze and allow something to happen?

I find myself imagining it was happeneing and what I would do. I play out entire scenaries for hours sometimes trying to make sure. Sometimes Ill convince myself that "Oh My God " I will and I will get so upset. Then when Im out even in a gas station and I notice a cute guy OCD and guilt almost immedietly come over me for thinking he was good looking . I then almost feel like I am frozen with fear in my head.

So in summary I am afraid that if I am out and am having the "oh my god I dont love him thought" and then I see a hot guy and think "oh my god you want to hook up with him " and I actually enjoy talking to the person (like normal non flirty convo) that I will just do it or freeze. ALso I find when talking to people when we are out I will imagine in my head what I would do if they tried anything but I get so overwhelmed with ocd Ill think oh my god I would but I dont want to and sometimes Ill be able to realize that Im being ridiculous...other times its horrible though. I drink very very rarley but Im afraid also that if the wine hits me hard then will I not snap into reality.

Will reality always snap in?

Please someone give me some insight on this.

Big jay · Post by **Big jay** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 6:14 am

Well I want to tell you first that love is not enough to stop you from acting on your feelings. If you love him and you guys are ment to be then there's nothing you can't overcome together. That's not to say its ok to cheat on him because its not. You are going to find people of the opposite sex attractive but it doesn't have to mean that you will cheat on the one you love because you have eyes to see other people. I can see that you are struggling with "what if" thinking. I don't know what week you are on in the program but I will tell you that your way of thinking is setting you up to cheat on your fiance. Your self talk is defeating you already and if you don't change the way you are thinking you are going to find yourself cheating on him because in your mind you have already done it. Its your choice to cheat on him or not to cheat on him. I am speaking from experience here because I was in your shoes before me and my wife worked out our marriage. Now things are great because I made a committent to save my marriage. You have to let go of your past as well because the person you were doesn't have to be the person you are. I hope this helps you take care

clearsky27 · Post by **clearsky27** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 7:38 am

My feelings are though that I DONT want to cheat on him. The thought of it makes me sick. I am afraid I will but I dont want to. I worry about it for hours on end because A I dont want to and B I would never want to hurt him.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 10:48 am

Hey clearsky

,
If you don't want to cheat on him, then you will not...Period!!! Thoughts are just thoughts, nothing more!!!

It sounds like to me that you are suffering from OCD, and that you are allowing those thoughts to control you!!!

You are NOT your thoughts, you are your actions!!! If you really wanted to act out on these thoughts, then, you would not be obsessing over them!!! And if you were planning on doing these things, then you would not have bothered writing this all out!!! Period!!!

Because you are worried and obsessed with these type of thoughts, then you can rest content in the knowledge that you will NOT do these things!!!

You are paying waaaaaaaaaaay too much attention to these thoughts, and by doing so are drawing them to you, like a magnet!!!

Allow these thoughts to drift lazily by you like the clouds!!!

Do not give these type of thoughts any weight at all!!!

Have a beautiful day

S. W. Fithian · Post by **S. W. Fithian** » Wed Feb 17, 2010 6:53 am

I have OCD thoughts and didn't know what they were just like you as a male my thoughts were in reverse. Ms. T Bones is right on the mark. THEY ARE JUST THOUGHTS let them in and let them go ( the hard part ). I use to think is some nice looking women came up and talked to me she was interested in me. Now I have learn they may just think your interesting or nice looking or what ever. As you find more confidence in yourself it gets easier to realize you are a package of many great qualities so people will like you. The cheating thing just thoughts only thoughts that you use to act on but with maturity you are learning they are just thoughts.