Obsessive thought is back... not sure why?

Suffering from OCD? Post your history, experience, comments and/or suggestions
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MirandaLey
Posts: 84
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2012 2:51 pm
Location: Manitoba, Canada

Obsessive thought is back... not sure why?

Post by MirandaLey » Mon Feb 18, 2013 8:08 pm

Hi everyone! I've been doing really great in the program. I've made a lot of progress and am really proud of myself. I am becoming more positve. I no longer over-analyze things and I am not a perfectionist anymore. I don't blow things out of proportion when I'm mad and I try to have more realistic expectations. I am on Lesson 12 now.

My panic attacks are gone and I haven't felt depressed in quite some time! Sometimes I will still feel a bit anxious but it's very easy to get over it now as compared to before the program.

I have been diagnosed with OCD, and my version of it is just obsessive, unwanted, scary thoughts. These thoughts have changed from time to time in my life (and they're not always there, either, just sometimes in my life) from me hurting someone else to leaving my family to killing myself.

I'm not sure why but for the past day or two I've just had the image of my wrist being slit in the back of my mind! I know it's silly because I know I'd never do that. But it is just there and I can't think it away! At least I'm not letting it scare me -- I say to myself, "This is just an OCD thought. It means nothing. End of story." But it still won't go away. I am trying to ask myself what could be going on in my life that is stressing me out that this thought is serving to distract me from, but I can't come up with it. I guess it could be that my husband is switching jobs pretty soon (but with the same company) or that we might be looking at a move in the next year or so, but I feel like I'm kind of grasping at straws here because these factors have been here for awhile and this has only started in the last two days. Maybe it could be because I am on my period?

Any insight would be helpful, thanks!

Also after I'm done the course I plan on doing a six-week OCD course, The OCD Workbook, with my therapist, before doing the program again for good measure :).

coachchris
Posts: 757
Joined: Wed Jun 06, 2012 2:34 pm

Re: Obsessive thought is back... not sure why?

Post by coachchris » Tue Feb 19, 2013 12:01 pm

Hi Miranda,

Thank you for your post and reaching out. You are doing a great job with your program and have inspired and encouraged many! I like how you are trying to problem solve and piece this all together. I think you are right on in the process. The first truth that we have to continue to get anchored into is that the negative obsessing is a bad habit and always lies to us. You are doing a great job staying in that truth as well as under-reacting. Trying to identify stress is a great next step. Sometimes when people near the end of the program that can trigger some sensitivity. Lucinda calls that a 'growth spurt.' I love that you and your therapist have a plan moving forward. Continue to be patient. Continue to truth-tell and under-react. Use your humor like described in lesson 10 and move in a present moment positive.

Keep us posted. I am confident this thought will fade soon. Focus on your blessings:) You're a great thinker and you have a healthy mind!!

Coach Chris StressCenter.com

coach21
Posts: 65
Joined: Mon Jan 24, 2011 2:01 pm

Re: Obsessive thought is back... not sure why?

Post by coach21 » Tue Feb 19, 2013 1:06 pm

Hi Mirandaley,

Congrats on your progress. Your truly an inspiration for all working through the program. I also suffered from debilitating feelings of depression, anxiety, and frustration associated with intrusive, unwanted, scary thoughts of which you described. I also have had images of slitting my wrist. I learned that attempting to control these thoughts just leads to variations of the thoughts themselves i.e."But it's just there and I can't think it away...". You mentioned earlier in your post that "they (the thoughts) are not always there, either, just sometimes in my life..". I learned when I would reflect and conclude the thoughts "aren't always there" really meant I have seasons when I do a very good job reacting to these thoughts rationally and not making significance out of these insignificant thoughts. However, during times of unmanaged stress I sometimes would set myself up for anxiety by reverting back to old habits; asking myself alot of irrational questions and making irrational statements i.e. "But it still won't go away..". I made real progress when I began to make peace with these thoughts and realized that like all humans I will get unwanted, intrusive thoughts periodically. It's o.k.. I revised my goal from wanting to eliminate these thoughts to eliminating any anxiety, frustration, depression associated with these thoughts. Sometimes we go through periods where we are dealing with alot of challenges and begin to react to these thoughts in old ways. It's o.k.. Know that the thoughts aren't the source of our anxiety it's how we are reacting to any obscure automatic thought. The term "growth spurt "applies because it's these periods of anxiety result in learning. It's all about continuing to learn. God Bless MirandaLey!! Keep up the great work and feel free to e-mail anytime for support.

MirandaLey
Posts: 84
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2012 2:51 pm
Location: Manitoba, Canada

Re: Obsessive thought is back... not sure why?

Post by MirandaLey » Tue Feb 26, 2013 3:29 pm

Hi! So I finally DID figure out the reason for the thought... it was right there in front of me I had to laugh that it took me that long to get it. It's because my husband's cousin had tried to kill herself... so of course that was in the back of my mind and caused some anxiety. But when I realized that I was able to deal with it and the thought left. Anyways I'm not scared of such thoughts anymore because I know they don't mean anything and have no basis in reality!

coachchris
Posts: 757
Joined: Wed Jun 06, 2012 2:34 pm

Re: Obsessive thought is back... not sure why?

Post by coachchris » Tue Feb 26, 2013 4:50 pm

Well done!!

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