Fear of dropping dead

Suffering from OCD? Post your history, experience, comments and/or suggestions
AliButtons
Posts: 11
Joined: Mon Apr 02, 2012 3:24 am

Fear of dropping dead

Post by AliButtons » Wed May 09, 2012 10:38 pm

I'm not diagnosed as OCD, but I think this might be OCD?

Since my first out of the blue panic attack three months ago, the fear of dropping dead has become more and more intense for me. Now it consumes my entire life. Nothing I do can get the thought out of my head. I can invision it - I can literally see myself falling down to the ground. I can hear my Mom call for help and the sirens - it all feels so real to me.

It all started because I am having trouble accepting that it's panic attacks. I called 911 during my first attack because I thought I was dying - I had no idea it was a panic attack. I went numb all over my body. I felt that fear and saw my life flash before my eyes... and I felt that way during every attack afterwards, and it just manifested itself into this obsession that I am going to drop down dead.

I've had a CT scan, EKG, chest x-ray, tons and tons of blood tests (testing all sorts of things), physical, urine tests.... absolutely everything has come back fine, so why can't I let this fear go?

All day I feel like I'm about to pass out. I'm jittery and get startled SO easily. If the sound on the tv gets lower, I think I'm going deaf and dying. My Mom keeps trying to explain to me that my constant worrying and obsessing is what is causing the symptoms. I just feel like I am on my death bed.... even though all of my tests were fine.

Now I'm checking my blood pressure several times a day (always perfect) and checking my pulse sometimes as much as 30 times a day. I stare at my arms and hands a lot... checking to see if they're turning blue, as silly as it sounds. I'm afraid of going paralyzed, so I poke at my arms and legs a lot, too.

I did none of this until after that first attack. I just want to feel assured that I'm healthy and won't die.... I don't know why all of the tests haven't proven this to me.

Does anybody fear the same thing, or am I alone on this? I feel miserable and suicidal at times because I am living in so much fear. I can't stand it much longer.

ninadancer
Posts: 15
Joined: Wed May 09, 2012 12:24 pm

Re: Fear of dropping dead

Post by ninadancer » Fri May 11, 2012 7:48 pm

Oh yes I can relate to what your going through. The only difference is I have had panic attacks for years. They come and go...A few months ago after not having a panic attack for quite a while, I had one - but at the time I didnt realize that it WAS one! you would think I'd know by now, but it was soooo intense I too thought i was dying. I called 911, went to the ER, had all the tests, and everything came back normal. Now I am like a time bomb waiting for the next one to strike, and they usually happen as a result of a body symptom. For example i felt short of breath the other day after I ran up and down a flight of stairs and I immediately panicked, another time I was in my car waiting in the car for someone to come out of the store and i lost it again...Theses panic attacks "sensitize" us and make everything a million times more intense. I am working on the program and am on week 4. Although I am no where near where I want to be, i think some of the skills are helping. Especially the journaling and also writing the negative statement and replacing it with a positive one. Hang onto the times when you feel good as a reminder that you can and will feel better! Thats what I've been doing and it helps.

NeverQuit
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 06, 2010 1:22 pm

Re: Fear of dropping dead

Post by NeverQuit » Sat May 12, 2012 12:17 pm

Hi there!

I haven't had many panic attacks with my anxiety, but I can definitely relate to having panicky feelings. I had one panic attack that I KNOW was a panic attack, and I just felt completely stuck in my own head and as if I had been shocked. I also had this fire-feeling in my stomach. It was scary.

If you are having constant panic-feelings, your mom is right, it is definitely your thoughts. However, we often miss the biochemical side of what is happening in our bodies.

As Lucinda says in the program, what you are eating and doing affects your panicky feelings! Do you drink caffiene? This is just like adding fuel to the fire of anxiety, especially when you are in a very anxious place already.

Do you exercise every day? Even if it's just for ten minutes, you need to get outside and get fresh air and get your blood moving. Exercise releases endorphines to your brain and automatically help you to feel better.

Make sure to eat protein with every meal. People like us are very sensitive to sugars. You need to elimate sugar as much as possible.

Get to sleep at a decent hour. I know that I am ripe for obsessing when I do not get to bed at a decent hour (by 11pm for me), am eating lousy, and not exercising.

What are you doing with your time? Do you have a job? Do you have an extra activities that you do that give you a feeling of purpose? When we are obsessive, we have too much time on our hands. Brainstorm some fun activities that you can do to distract yourself from this anxiety.

Don't worry, there are millions of people who have experienced what you are going through, you are not alone. If you are spiritual at all, I would encourage you to pray to God and ask Him to show you what you can do to take care of yourself. To ask Him to surround you with His peace and love.

You WILL get through this, it's just an anxious time, you are NOT going to drop dead. If you continue to make the right choices about your body and your thoughts, you WILL experience a difference and come to see this thought for the silly obsession that it is. ;)

God bless and I will be praying for you!!

meluv3
Posts: 41
Joined: Sat Jul 14, 2012 12:23 am
Location: California

Re: Fear of dropping dead

Post by meluv3 » Sun Jul 22, 2012 5:52 pm

Thank you for the encouraging message NeverQuit. I went through this a couple years ago - the fear of dropping dead, feeling numb and almost lifeless, checking my blood pressure MANY times a day (mine goes low, so if I feel dizzy I check it to see if it is low - sometimes yes, most of the time no ... that way I know for sure it is anxiety and I try to push through a little). Anyhow, I am "stuck" again with the obsessing and same feelings. It is SO uncomfortable and scary. We need to try to distract and find something else to focus on ... it is really hard at times, but with practice I know it will become easier!

JCR85
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Jun 12, 2012 10:23 pm

Re: Fear of dropping dead

Post by JCR85 » Mon Jul 23, 2012 4:25 am

It is so comforting to read that you guys have the same scary, obsessive thoughts and behaviors that I do. I am 26 years old, and next month will be four years since my first panic attack, and I have pretty much suffered everyday since. From the moment I wake up I experience everything from nausea, dizziness, headache, shakiness, etc and right away interpret that as something severely wrong with me health wise.
I also called 911 during my first panic attack and when the paramedics came out and checked on me, everything was fine. They were really nice and explained panic attacks to me. When I had another major one a few weeks later, I again called 911 and requested they take me in to the emergency room. They told me I was fine, but did an EKG, and full blood work. Everything came back perfectly fine (other than being slightly anemic, which I have always been) and they sent me home with some xanax.Of course, the panic continued and I hardly left the house for four months. The medications scared me and I feared I would never be normal again. Finally, right after new years I purchased David Burns book, When Panic Attacks and upon reading it, was able to resume "normal" life again. While I was still very anxious, I was able to go back to work and socialize.
Then two summers ago, I began to obsess about my health and constantly feared that I had or would contract some kind of cancer. The panic symptoms that I have been getting used to and working on "floating" past now began to scare me again like they did in the beginning. I began taking my blood pressure every free chance I got, taking my temperature every hour, weighing myself numerous times a day, and conducting physical examinations on myself daily. I was terrified to go to the doctor, but I got to a point where I couldn't take it anymore. So I made an appointment, had them do complete blood work, and of course the results came back fine, just like that had before. That comfort lasted about a day and I was back to my obsessive behavior. I finally sought therapy with a counselor, which was helpful and reassuring, but it didn't do much for my hypochondriasis. Her idea, like my doctor, was to start taking an antidepressant.
I went to the doctor again a few months back for another CBC, and once again, just as before was told everything was fine. He diagnosed my slight anemia as beta-thalsemia, which won't hurt me and actually makes me immune to certain things. At the time he referred me to a hypnotherapist to work on my scary thoughts. I was excited and hopeful to start the therapy, and after six weeks found that it seemed to be making my general anxiety worse and hadn't helped my obsessive thought at all. Not to mention, she didn't take insurance so I was shelling out quite a bit of money weekly.
I have good days and bad, and I know that I am healthy, but this fear runs my life. I have a difficult time shifting my thoughts away from poor health, if I can at all. I still take my blood pressure all the time, my temperature, etc.. Like you Ali, I can be watching TV and the picture can go blurry, or it will be a weird color or frame effect and I will think "oh no, something is going wrong with my vision, I could be dying or sick" If a cancer commercial comes on, I go into a panic. Any talk of an illness anyone has freaks me out.
I don't have the best diet, I'm not overweight or anything, but I mostly live on sugar. I have the picky diet of a 5 year old so it pretty much cheese sandwiches and chicken nuggets all day every day, as well as candy and desserts. So this scares me, especially with all the reports linking sugar to cancer. However, no one in my family has had cancer and everyone has lived up into their last 80's and 90's, so I come from pretty good stock. I don't get sick very often, and take quality vitamins daily.
Sorry for rambling, but it feels good to get that all out there to other people going through it too. I have had this program for over a year now, but this is my first time posting here and I plan on restarting it this week and actually working hard, doing the homework, and being proactive. I pray to overcome this, and do the same for you guys suffering with this too. Hopefully we can all be a help to each other.
Joe

coachchris
Posts: 757
Joined: Wed Jun 06, 2012 2:34 pm

Re: Fear of dropping dead

Post by coachchris » Mon Jul 23, 2012 12:04 pm

Hi Joe,

Thank you for your post. I recommend that you read my posts about obsessive thinking. I too struggled all of my 20's with hypochondria. You are on the right track with getting back to using your program. Pay close attention to lessons 2, 3, 8, 9 and 10.

If you would like to schedule a free coaching call I would love to talk with you. You can click the PM tab to the right of my post to do that.

We are here to support you!

Coach Chris StressCenter.com

NeverQuit
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 06, 2010 1:22 pm

Re: Fear of dropping dead

Post by NeverQuit » Mon Jul 23, 2012 12:13 pm

Hi Joe,

You should be proud of yourself for resolving to the program. It's a life-line! My mom had the same obsessive stuff that you are describing about her health. At the time she had four kids under the age of 9. She did the program three times through and is a totally new person. Every once in a while she will hit a little bump with a health issue, but she doesn't allow herself to spin or obsess about it like she would have before. She can identify it for what it is and let it go.

It's really about control. We all have different ways that we try to find that sense of control, whatever that really is! For example, people who have anger issues use anger to control others. People who worry are trying to control through worry, similar to obsessing. I obsess. I think that I am able to protect myself from some future disaster, sin, mistake, sense of guilt, etc. by obsessing about situations until they feel "right." Your health obsession is very similar to this, as was my mom's.

The first key is to stick with the program. It's HUGE. Being diligent is really what overcoming this condition comes down to!

The second key is to take care of yourself - you may want to look into working with a nutritionist. That has been so important to my recovery. He is able to explain, just by looking at my bloodwork, the reason why I am feeling what I am feeling. For example, my adrenaline was at .1 when I started with him, when the healthy level is .6 or .8, I believe. Believe it or not, but low adrenaline levels can give you these jittery, fight-or-flight feelings, just like high adrenaline could.

People like us need to be eating turkey and pork. Turkey has tryptophan, a precurser to seratonin, the hormone that prevent depression and anxiety. Pork is high in adrenaline, which usually needs to be leveled out in people with anxiety.

Again, I would really encourage you to work with a nutritionist and see what you need to eat in your specific case. But turkey would definitely be something you could add on your own.

The third key is exercise. Exercise is important to releasing those anxious feelings, plus it gets good endorphines going, which are "feel good" hormones.

The fourth key is to find things that interest you, that you can apply that anxious energy to. People like us are highly creative, analytical, and expressive. We need to find outlets for these qualities! They are NOT bad qualities, we just need to use them in the RIGHT way. So what interests you? What helps you to get that creative energy out? For me, I enjoy writing, so I will sometimes write a paper on something that interests me. I also love people and organizing events, so I will organize a get-together. Or, if I'm just having a rough moment and need to do something to take my mind off of a thought, I'll sit and play the piano. Whatever you can do to make yourself feel good!

It takes discipline. It takes time. They say it takes 6 months to overcome a bad habit. Our obsessive thinking is just that - a bad habit. But it can be overcome.

Praying for you! If you are spiritual at all, try finding some scriptures that comfort you, and paste them where you can read them! I have a chart of verses that I read every morning, and it helps to keep me clear and focused. Here's a great passage:

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died —more than that, who was raised to life —is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? . . . No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Praying for you!

Shann24
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Jul 23, 2012 5:15 pm

Re: Fear of dropping dead

Post by Shann24 » Mon Jul 23, 2012 5:29 pm

Re: HOCD thought I can't shake off...help!

Postby Shann24 » Mon Jul 23, 2012 2:27 pm
Hi All,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know firsthand what it feels like to obsess about your health. I have certain rituals to calm my nerves (which only work for a short period of time before the anxiety builds again), such as checking my pulse and my O2 levels on a monitor, as well as feeling different parts of my body for lumps and bumps and constantly asking for reassurance from my husband who's a nurse on the symptom du jour. All of these rituals can actually feed in to the OCD and make it worse. I have really tried to break the cycle of checking my vitals repeatedly. It was horrible at first anxiety wise, but I am now to a point where I'm not spending every waking moment obsessed over my health. There are times when little thoughts pop up that go, " Hmmm I have a bruise on my leg, must be such and such disease", and I tell myself, " Okay this is my ocd, and I will not feed in to an unhealthy coping ritual." Then I immediately turn my attention and energy to something else. It feels impossible at first, but you actually can retrain your brain to stop going in to the "loop" of catastrophic thoughts that lead to hypochondria. It has worked for me, I know this technique can work for others. The key is to be consistent and not give up. It takes time to get better.
My Well Wishes To All =)

JCR85
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Jun 12, 2012 10:23 pm

Re: Fear of dropping dead

Post by JCR85 » Tue Jul 24, 2012 4:10 am

Thank you all so much for your kind and helpful words. I know I am in the right place and I believe in this program. Sticking with it and and being consistent is my weak point, but I am here this time to hold myself accountable. I want nothing more than to feel healthy and happy once more.

Neverquit, thank you so much! I have been asking my different doctors and therapists to refer me to a nutritionist or a naturopath for the last year or so, but they all seem to brush the idea aside and tell me just to eat better. Well, that is all fine and dandy, but for a severely picky eater like me, that is no easy feat. So after reading your post, I took matters into my own hands and looked up a naturopath. She is a preferred provider on my insurance and is right down the street from where I work. I just did a little research on her and she deals with anxiety/depression issues and refers her patients out to other specialist as needed. I plan on giving her a call tomorrow and making an appointment. Of course, the idea of blood tests scares me as I worry about 'what if' something major is wrong, but I must remind myself that I just had blood work done four months ago and all was fine. I am excited about this new journey.

I am a spiritual person and listen to Joel Osteen daily to help calm my nerves. I also have the book "the quiet mind" by White Eagle that Lucinda talks about on the tapes. Just last night I ordered Joyce Meyers "Battlefield of the Mind" and its study guide. I have read so many medically driven books on anxiety/depression (my library rivals that of a psychologist) so it will be nice to switch over to a more spiritually guided book.

Again, thank you all for you help and prayers. I hope that each and every one of us suffering from this terrible condition will overcome it and lived blessed, abundant, healthy, prosperous lives. I will keep you all posted.

NeverQuit
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 06, 2010 1:22 pm

Re: Fear of dropping dead

Post by NeverQuit » Tue Jul 24, 2012 10:47 am

This thread has some great advice!

SO glad to hear you've made an appointment with a naturopath, that's awesome! You should give yourself a pat on the back just for that. :) Recovery is made up of a variety of factors being in place - emotional (thoughts), physical (biochemical), spiritual, time management, etc. You are on your way!!

I read Battlefield of the Mind during my recovery, it's an amazing book, you will definitely get valuable tools from that as well.

Praying for you!

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