Stress Center Peer Support

I am having an episode. The recurring thoughts are just so distressing.

"What if I don't love my husband enough"
What if i made a mistake by getting married
What if i ruin my son's and husband's life
What about the fact that i was not physically attracted to him but loved being with him and enjoyed his company. Is that why i a am uncertain now?
"__________holy spirit. (The unforgivable sin)
What about the married guy i am attracted to? What if, what if, what if...

The thing is i share all these compulsive thoughts with my husband and he has been a great support. But i can't get them out of head! I am stalked by doubt worry and fear. It is beginning to affect my husband because he thinks i am ruminating about other men. It is true, he is not my physical type but it was not an issue when I decided to marry him. So why am i so haunted by this recurring fear of what if...

Sometimes i can't discern between a normal concern versus the obsessive thoughts about my relationship with my husband. And as for the Holy Spirit, well I had to lock my mind onto that one since the bible says it is unforgivable to blaspheme the holy spirit. And then the anxiety sets in. I am really in the trenches doing battle. I am so tired. Death does feel like an escape but then, that thought i recognize as totally unacceptable. Help!

This has got to be the worst struggle for a human being.

Hi there!

First off, I can relate to a lot of that. I am not married, but I was in a relationship where I worried obsessively whether I liked the guy or not. I also am very close to my parents but often have obsessive scary thoughts about my relationship with them. I have had the anxious scary thought about the Holy Spirit too. EVERYONE with anxiety struggles with obsessive scary thoughts!

Have you tried examining the other things that are causing you stress, like, actual situations? For example, are you bored? Boredom is a HUGE factor for me with my anxiety. I remember Lucinda saying that in one of the lessons. Boredom can be a huge part of our anxiety! Lucinda also teaches that as people with anxiety, we are overly-analytical, very creative people, and we need to learn to use that for good and to build ourselves up, rather than to tear ourselves down.

The thing with OCD is we pick something to obsess about that has no clear answer. You can't take a poll that will tell you, "The results are you really love your husband." But even if there was one, wouldn't we doubt that too? The reality is, that's what our brains are DEMANDING, absolute CERTAINTY! But isn't that so silly??? We expect that we have to not just know something, but KNOW that we KNOW it. It's classic OCD. That's why we spin. Being someone who is very analytical and creative, my brain WANTS to stay stuck in these silly little issues because it ENJOYS having a puzzle to solve. I need to give it something constructive to do, rather than dwell on these non-productive "puzzles" that my brain will never be satisfied with any answers that I give.

Do you find that every time you try to answer these obsessive thoughts, it's never enough for your brain, that it just finds something else to cause doubt? Well, that's CLASSIC OCD. An OCD brain (I believe anyone with anxiety suffers with this at some point) is so used to obsessing that the brain is "stuck" in this over-firing mode. If you read any books on OCD, they will talk about the way that the brain works and how we are getting false alarms because our brain is so used to thinking obsessively, that it will just work against us by continuing to over-analyze and create doubt. This does NOT mean that we will act on any of our scary thoughts! We don't and WON'T, just like the program tells us. It only means that it makes it more difficult to put these scary thoughts aside because our brain is stuck in this mode of saying "There's a fire and you need to put it out!" when in reality, the more we try to "put the thoughts out," the longer they hang around.

I would encourage you to do both of the following when feeling obsessive:
1. A HUGE part of our recovery from anxiety and obsessive thinking is to put that stop sign up and REPLACE the thought with something positive, then MOVE ON. I am STILL learning this. Give yourself credit just for coming here for help! It's a lot of work, and it's HARD! We are battling habits that took years to develop, and it's going to take time to overcome them. But thank God that He is on our side and has provided us with great skills through this program!

2. Try to focus on what is REALLY bothering you. If you have the obsessive thinking tape that Lucinda does, I would encourage you to listen to that whenever you feel obsessive. It's really good. Also, ask yourself, "What's really bothering me?" like they teach us to do in the program. And maybe even try talking to a close girlfriend who's married about your thoughts. She may be able to relieve you and relate! Don't feel shame over your thoughts, just try to look at what is really bothering you.

I'll be praying for you! God WILL bring you through this!

Wow...NeverQuit. You really hit the nail on the head for me...especially this paragraph:

Do you find that every time you try to answer these obsessive thoughts, it's never enough for your brain, that it just finds something else to cause doubt? Well, that's CLASSIC OCD. An OCD brain (I believe anyone with anxiety suffers with this at some point) is so used to obsessing that the brain is "stuck" in this over-firing mode. If you read any books on OCD, they will talk about the way that the brain works and how we are getting false alarms because our brain is so used to thinking obsessively, that it will just work against us by continuing to over-analyze and create doubt. This does NOT mean that we will act on any of our scary thoughts! We don't and WON'T, just like the program tells us. It only means that it makes it more difficult to put these scary thoughts aside because our brain is stuck in this mode of saying "There's a fire and you need to put it out!" when in reality, the more we try to "put the thoughts out," the longer they hang around.

Thank you for your input. You describe the exact thing I go through. This post really resonates.