I just want to feel normal again....

[Amare]

I feel like I am on the verge of just totally losing it... I am so afraid, I feel like I have no control over anything, my thoughts, my feelings its to the point that I just don't want to live like this anymore. I need to give this program a chance, I know it will help. I just have to stick with it. I made it to Lesson 3 and I quit because I just became so overwhelmed with trying to control my thoughts. However, I can honestly say that in those first few weeks I did began to feel better. But' then because I couldn't completely elminate every bad thought I had I just gave in to them all. Now, I'm a wreck! I am going to start the program over again and try not to be such a perfectionist.
I have had severe anxiety and panic attacks for years. I have some how managed to survive this long with out a total break down, but I'm just so tired of feeling this way. My anxiety has become really debilitating in the past 6 months. Specifically because my best friend was diagnosed with HIV. No, she is not gay, or a drug addict, she's a beautiful educated woman, who became infected with the virus in a commited relationship. When she told me I couldnt even grasp what she was saying. When I finally was able to wrap my mind around it I freaked out! Never, in front of her. I feel like a peice of crap because I cant handle this. Here, I am studing for the GRE so I can go to grad school for Psychology and I can't even handle this! I feel like a fraud. I am afaid for her, Im angry, I am so pissed off and there is nothing I can do. I am so petrified of her not of her but of the disease. I have always had health anxiety and worried about getting sick and as you can imagine this put me over the edge. I have all of these horrible thoughts. I am surrounded by proffessional psychologists all day long I could confide in them, but I just can't Im to embarrassed and afraid of them seeing me fall apart. I just dont know what to do. I dont want to talk to a professional I know what they are going to say, I know it's anxiety and I want to talk to someone who knows how it really feels to feel the panic.. when your heart pounds so hard it rings in your ears' when your mind races so fast you think your losing your mind because you no longer can control your own thoughts...when your gasping for each breath because you feel as though you are choking..When every thing seems like a dream and you feel like you need to hold on to something real...I am questioning everything. I just want to feel joy again... I feel so alone....I guess this is despair....

[Imadeitsocanu]

I just want you to know that you're not alone .. ... Try and find someone to talk to and vent ... stick with the program it's very important that you do, and follow through with it.. You'll understand that you feel or think a certain way because of anxiety and depression... Once you understand that, you'll be relieved and your journey to being normal will begin. Believe in yourself, you deserve so much happiness!

[423amyd]

I how it difficult it can be to be a member of the medical community and have anxiety/depression. I am a nurse so I get it. Honestly thought when I started opening up and sharing my story I was amazed at the support and receptiveness of others. Anxiety really is a struggle that many battle with. You might be surprised at how many people around you have similar struggles. I know I sure was.

[Lins81]

I feel for you. My husband was having heart problems, scared me to death because i kept obsessing about the what ifs.Long story short i just started to have a constant panic attacks and anxiety the last 2 months. Never had that before in my life. No sleep, crazy symptoms. My body is so messed up now.Nervous system is a mess.All because of my worry.I have serious health anxiety now.Be there for your friend if u can,hope your friend is there for you. She can live a long beautiful life and so can you. Anxiety isn't a death sentence it may feel like it though. You can overcome it many people have, I didn't yet but am not giving up, its been 2 months living with pure anxiety and severe panic. Im on no drugs, and dont plan on trying them. Started seeing a naturopathic Dr. to test my vitamin B12 levels, because deficiency can cause anxiety,sleeplessness, etc. I know majority of everything is in my mind. Hang in there.