Stress Center Peer Support

I've been going through scary thoughts for about three years. I've been doing a lot better due to a wonderful coach (coach 21) and finding resources that help identify and challenge my fears. I still find myself struggling with the fear of being crazy. Like most of these forums teach you - one thought can lead to other thoughts and then it spirals into anxiety. My thoughts first began with fear of hurting my loved one. I felt NO control over my thoughts (secondary fear). Didn't know why I was having them and every time I saw my daughters, the thought would cross my mind "Kill them". It felt like I had a demon inside of me and it was directing me to do something. The fear of having no control over THESE thoughts is what continues to create fear/anxiety in me. It seems the more I try and fight these feelings/thoughts they seem to get stronger. I know ACCEPTANCE is key.....but how do you handle when you are TRYING to ACCEPT thoughts/feelings and it seems to make my anxiety GROW stronger because I'm NOT feeling any RELIEF. I feel like the thoughts ARE stronger than my will. It makes me think I'm losing it because of the following:

I think about feeling/thoughts everyday? Is this normal?
I feel I'm doing this to myself? Trying to scare myself? Is this normal?
I see something I love or cherish/then scary thought follow. Sometimes after every thought!! (My mind gets so tired).
Is this normal?
I tense up when I can't find relief and then the fear of going crazy comes in very strong. Is this normal?

Need help and feedback. Coach 21 where r u??

I've had thoughts like these before, but I never would have followed through with them.... They are just thoughts.... I have an extreme phobia of vomiting and that's what most of my thoughts are... "Am I going to throwup today? What if I'm around people when I throw up? What will they think?" I've had to give up so much in my young life because I'm scared I will throwup.. I'm only 19 and I've been suffering with this since I was 4 years old... Somehow, someway we will get past this... People like us are VERY strong!!!!!!
~Doodle

i am going through some very similiar thoughts. i know how hard it is. you are not alone. i would say try to really find out what is bothering you. is it insecurities or just you are not letting yourself relax. i have both those issues. for me i think these are thoughts are just thoughts that have become habit because we dont want to stand up to face what ever we are feeling whether it be an uncomfortable feeling or an issue we are facing. try and write it out and get back to me. we are all here for each other and will all get through this. dont forget if it bothers you that is a good sign. you would never do anything bad like these scary thoughts. they are just thoughts thats it. good luck. you can do it. bob