Fear of love

[pink1686]

Hello there,
This is my first week into the program, im a little skeptical and nervous because it seems like I have tried everything!!! Let me tell you a little bit about myself, I am 24 years oldI graduated high school in 2004. That year I met my first boyfriend ,moved out with him when I was 17 and never looked back. My childhood was amazing I have wonderful parents who love and support me so im sure that the fear does not stem from that time of my life, I believe the fear comes from the first relationship I had, I was young and dumb, I was the average teen who dosnt listen to her parents and did what I wanted to do... BIG MISTAKE. I met him on a cruise ,we dated for 9 months and then he moved thousands of miles to live with me. Before our lives joined ,the distance we had between eachother was great, we got along but then the truth about him came out and broke my heart, not only was he a lier who did wverything behind my back but he also was a bully, a coward and abusive ,mentally,physically, and emotionally. I gave him way to many chances. It was a volitule relationship for 5 years with constant questioning. Its almost been 3 years since the breakup, im in a new relationship that without a doubt is more than I could ever ask for ,he is amazing and loyal and above all honest and loving, he always puts me first I was waiting for this kind of love for so many years and yet I question him?? He has done nothing wrong to me, he puts up with my insequrities and loves me despite what im going through ,he is a true man. So why am I doing this to him and most of all myself? Why cant I just love without walls and without the fear? Im not jelous of random girls, only the one who came before me ,but he has reasured me several times that I have nothing to worry about and that he loves me and would never do anything that would hurt our relationship.In my heart I believe every word but my head is always the bad angel on my shoulder saying "keep your eyes open in case he cheats." How do I stop this constant cycle ?? basically im always worried that he'll go back to his ex ,I know that sounds rediculous especially since hes so in love with me but ive been left before and I dont want to go through that pain again. help?

[Russell D]

I would suggest you get the book, Safe People by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. I wish that I had that information in my life when I was at your age.

It not only will help you discern about the current relationships in your life, but also help you see your own weaknesses and help you to work on those. It may help you to connect with more specific areas of your life that is generating the fear.

Stay close to your pain it will bring healing to your heart.

Russell

[pink1686]

Thank you Russell I'll give that book a try thank you for responding