Feel terrible

brandonmississippi · Post by **brandonmississippi** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 9:51 am

Started a little exposure therapy today. I tend to feel pretty good when I don't think about the horror movies in my head. The therapist told me to imagine stabbing my mother in her sleep. Uh, that's a tough one. I feel like I am just helpless right now. Please, anyone who has defeated some of these problems, I need advice. I keep thinking of drowning my dogs, and stabbing people. I keep questioning wether I am really a bad person or not. I keep telling myself it's just the illness, but evertyime I have a though it just shakes me up worse. Lately the thoughts are no surprise. It seems I have gotten use to having them. That's what's bothering me. They are a normal daily routine. It's not abnormal for me to think about choking some old lady or anything else like that. I feel screwed up. I guess if I didn't care, I wouldn't be writing this. I just want to live a happy life, but it seems impossible with all of this.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 10:12 am

I feel like this too i feel terrible. Can completley emphaphize what your going through. I went through all that crap about a year ago, i got to the point where i didnt want to see anyone at all because i would picture myself launching myself across the room and throttling them to death all while im trying to have a normal conversation. I would actually sit on my hands as i thought that this would help to stop myself. I still get these thoughts but they dont bother me so much now i have gone onto another obsession right now about being scared of people and this is just as hard.
Abit of advice that helped pull me through that one is don't avoid anything or anyone. Stay sociable and when the thoughts come which they undoubtably will just picture in your mind a STOP sign. And say to urself 'stop right there i am not going to think this thought anymore I AM NOT THIS PERSON!' It does become easier and you will find urself doing it around everybody at first but soon it will become second nature. And once this becomes second nature the thoughts will no longer matter. You will be alright i know it.x

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 10:53 am

Happy you can relate, but sorry that you can, too. It's not the thoughts that get me. I tend to bring those upon myself. It's the questioning that gets me. I question, why did I think that. Then I imagine doing it. Then I just have to shake my head sometimes. And sometimes it's like I am afraid I am just going to say **** it, and do something horrible, just to see how it feels. I hate this. It's miserable. I hope I will be ok. Thanks for your comment. And p.s. it's not unusual to be scared of people. People are crazy. Lol. If that's all you have to worry about, you're doing good imo.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 1:52 pm

What if This is driving me crazy!! I'm just scared that deep down in me, there is a serial killer trying to escape. I keep thinking "what if I just lose control?" or better yet, "what if I stop caring, and committ some horrible act?" What if I start to get pleasure from these thoughts. All the murderers in the world probably didn't think they would ever do it either. I'm just telling you what goes through my mind. Sorry if it's extreme, but I'm freaking frustrated with myself.