Hey everyone,
I have been dealing with scary obsessive thoughts since I was a child. I never told anyone about these thoughts and have been pretty terrified and anxious most of my life. In the past few years the scary thoughts and anxiety has been so bad that I finally started talking to my husband and mom about what was going on in my head. They are both so wonderful and have been very understanding. I have also done a lot of research on Pure O Thoughts and ways to deal with them. I try to let my scary thoughts come and go without getting worked up about them, but it is so hard. I ruminate for hours and hours sometimes and can't seem to turn off my brain. My thoughts often make me sick to my stomach with fear and guilt and make it so I can't even eat. They can be so horrible and scary. Logically I know they are only thoughts, but they scare me so much that I can't help but react strongly towards them. I really want to get professional help. In fact, I called a psychologist today to set up an appointment. I got her answering machine and left a message. The whole process of calling her almost put me into a panic attack. I used the 6 steps to stopping panic attacks and was able to calm myself down though.
I guess my fear is that I will tell this women about my scary thoughts and she will think that I am actually a bad, evil person. My scariest thoughts are about me becoming a serial killer or child abuser. But the thing is that these thoughts ruin my life. They terrify me. They keep me from being able to eat and sleep. There is no way these could be a reflection of who I am if they cause me so much pain and anxiety, Right? But what if they send me to a psych ward or put me in jail? I am honestly terrified that something like that could really happen to me. I read other people's post who say that they have worked with psychologists and have gotten a lot of help. I really need to hear other people's success stories. I am so afraid and just want to know that everything is going to be okay. If anyone out there has gone through this, please let me know. Is anyone else afraid of hurting people? Has anyone gotten over there OCD thoughts?
On top of everything I just found out that I am pregnant. The scary thoughts and anxiety have been worse lately. I have always wanted to be a mom and was so excited at first about having my baby. Now I am just terrified. I don't want to have scary thoughts about my baby. I am so afraid that scary thoughts will make me distance myself from her and not want to take care of her. Or what if I am a bad mom and can't handle the stress of being a mother? I feel like I need to get help now because I don't want my OCD and anxiety to affect my babies life. I also want to enjoy this experience and my fears are taking away all of my joy and excitement. Are there other mothers out there who went through this? I would love to hear your stories. I want to know that I am not alone!
Terrified to talk to a professional about my thoughts
Hi Shadypants,
I can definitely identify with your post in that I have had the exact same thoughts or symptoms of anxiety. First of all the fact that these thoughts initially made you anxious is pure evidence that you are of sound mind. Individuals capable of carrying out these thoughts find comfort in them are pathological. and would not be anywhere near this website reaching out for help. You are not. You are of sane mind. All humans have obscure thoughts that drift in and out of these heads. We are a little more sensitive and analytical than most thus a thought of the one you desribed pops in our head we follow it up with a bunch of irrational "what if's". This in turn creates a circle of anxiety much like a dog chasing his tail. Consequently we get frustrated. Right now you are putting question marks where God put periods. Meaning you have a little bit of belief in these thoughts. Thats o.k. for now because you are new and not educated. Understandable but not acceptable. Our goal is complete recovery or insignificization of these thoughts. I am pure evidence that this is attainable. As far as "OCD" and "pure O's".....don't put a label on yourself. All we are talking about in essence are scary thoughts and anxiety.....nothing more....nothing less... What human hasn't had scary thoughts? We just tend to focus on these thoughts a little more than most. Remember, the brain digests everything i.e. disturbing newscasts, scary movies, articles, ect... naturally these thoughts will pop up. What we do after that is our responsibility. When you consistently respond to these thoughts with believable "rational responses" you will dismantle the debilitating anxiety. This is a process and it takes consistent effort. But I promise you it is not a matter of if you recover it is a matter of when you recover. I applaud you for reaching out for help. This is the first step. Find a good Cognitive Behavioral therapist with whom your comfortable and order this program. I am employed as a coach through the StressCenter.com so please e-mail me anytime for support. I know exactly what you are going through. Gob Bless and keep in touch.
Michael
I can definitely identify with your post in that I have had the exact same thoughts or symptoms of anxiety. First of all the fact that these thoughts initially made you anxious is pure evidence that you are of sound mind. Individuals capable of carrying out these thoughts find comfort in them are pathological. and would not be anywhere near this website reaching out for help. You are not. You are of sane mind. All humans have obscure thoughts that drift in and out of these heads. We are a little more sensitive and analytical than most thus a thought of the one you desribed pops in our head we follow it up with a bunch of irrational "what if's". This in turn creates a circle of anxiety much like a dog chasing his tail. Consequently we get frustrated. Right now you are putting question marks where God put periods. Meaning you have a little bit of belief in these thoughts. Thats o.k. for now because you are new and not educated. Understandable but not acceptable. Our goal is complete recovery or insignificization of these thoughts. I am pure evidence that this is attainable. As far as "OCD" and "pure O's".....don't put a label on yourself. All we are talking about in essence are scary thoughts and anxiety.....nothing more....nothing less... What human hasn't had scary thoughts? We just tend to focus on these thoughts a little more than most. Remember, the brain digests everything i.e. disturbing newscasts, scary movies, articles, ect... naturally these thoughts will pop up. What we do after that is our responsibility. When you consistently respond to these thoughts with believable "rational responses" you will dismantle the debilitating anxiety. This is a process and it takes consistent effort. But I promise you it is not a matter of if you recover it is a matter of when you recover. I applaud you for reaching out for help. This is the first step. Find a good Cognitive Behavioral therapist with whom your comfortable and order this program. I am employed as a coach through the StressCenter.com so please e-mail me anytime for support. I know exactly what you are going through. Gob Bless and keep in touch.
Michael
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Shandy Pants
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Tue Aug 24, 2010 1:38 pm
Thank you for your response. I have ordered the program and have been using it for a few weeks. I do feel like it is helping me deal with the anxiety. I feel like I would like to talk to a professional in person as well. I just want to feel better once and for all and what to do everything I can. I try really hard to not believe the scary thoughts and to not ruminate on them, but it can be so hard. I tell myself " it's just anxiety, nothing more" when I have scary thoughts, and sometimes it works. Today I have been feeling pretty good and have not experienced any anxiety attacks. I hope all days can be like this. It is just prof that the tools in the program really do work.
Give yourself a pat on the back for taking the initiative. You are on your way to recovery. Right now you are acquiring a skill set to cope with anxiety. Give yourself permission to float with your symptoms. Reality is we are only talking about anxiety...nothing more...nothing less. When we give these thoughts air time we tend to ruminate. It's o.k., you are on the right track. StressCenter has a list of affiliates who are familiar with this program. This is where I found professional guidance and it was well worth it. Email me any time for support.