Stress Center Peer Support

Ok well I have been on meds since I was 16. I have a severe panic disorder (couldnt leave the house or my mom, I had panic attack after panic attack). I started off on Paxil and gradually the mg were increased and then the dr added klonopin. It then stoped working after 5 yrs. I was put on Zoloft 50mg with hydroxyzine which worked great and that also ended up increasing to 100mg and that worked for over 2 yrs. Then again this medicine stoped working. Then my dr put me on cymbalta which was horrible I got off of that after a few months, then prozac from 20mg to 80mg with klonopin, that stoped working. Now I am back on Zoloft started at 100mg and now am at 200 mg and also take Buspar 20mg 3 times a day (which I only take once a day or twice). I feel a lot better, normal again. But here comes my problem....
I am engaged to my soul mate he has been by myside for over 8 years, he is from another country and we want kids after we get married. He hates me taking medicine and wants me to find an alternative (herbal, vitamins, fish oil) He also wants to take me to his beautiful island to see where he is from. I have wanted to get off this medicine since I was 20. I hate it. I cry each time one stops working and I still feel bad and end up on the next medicine. I feel like I will NEVER have a kid because I will not get pregnet while taking these meds. I just want to be normal I don't want to have to take med. I want to be able to feel normal without the meds. My regular dr told e that I may be on meds for the rest of my life:( But my Phy told me that I need Cognitive Behavorial therapy to teach me to deal with it so I can eventually reduce the dose and get off the meds.
Has anyone had severe panic and ocd? Thoughts that You are afraid you will hurt someone and it causes panic attacks? I havent had them since I have been on the zoloft but when the meds stoped working each time I had tose repetitive thoughts, even knowing I would nor could I ever do it. Have you ever had all the same symptoms as me and were able to eventually get off the meds? Please any advice? I just want to feel good like I do now but without taking these meds. thank you for listening

I understand what you are saying. I hate taking meds too. I've even cut down on the dosage on my own, and quickly realized that it was a bad idea. I've been severely depressed for like half of my life. I'm only 21 yrs old. It got so bad, that I had to be hospitalized. They put me on meds, and i've been able to manage for the past 3 or 4 years. I don't care if I have to keep taking it, as long as I don't get in the mental state I was in. It was horrible, and I can hardly wish it on my worst enemies. We've got to do what we've got to do. Maybe when we learn how to better manage our feelings we can be tapered off some, but if it's going to make us go crazy, we're better off on it.