Obsessions about death ruining me
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brandonmississippi
- Posts: 64
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2010 8:39 pm
Does anyone else have this problem. Keep thinking about loved ones dying. Then I obssess over what it would feel like, and I draw a blank. The blank is what scares me. I have never been through anything tragic, but my mind is screwing with me bad. It targets anyone weak like my dogs, family, old people, kids, or anyone who is a nice person. The evil jumps in my head, and it's making me sick. I feel like a psycho or something. Tv and violent movies make it so much worse, and can sometimes send me off into a panic. When i'm having a good day, they will jump on me quick. When the sun is shining, and i'm feeling ok, a thought about hurting someone or them falling off a bridge, or whatever other scenerio my mind can come up with. It's very aggrevating, and I feel like i'm losing it. Anger can also bring some of these thoughts on. It's like "ok i'm angry, so I must think of something violent". Can anyone relate???
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Guest
Yes I've dealt with feeling like that, more last year than this year because I have Lucinda to help me now.
Its hard to put into words and explain what I think of it but I'll try...
I'm 25 but my parents are much older, my dad is 71 and having heart troubles. I've never had to deal with ppl close to me dying or anything tragic thankfully and there were many times if I was bored, or just sitting there my mind would start running and sometimes it would be 'what if my dad died?' and it created this 'oh my God!' type empty feeling that caught in my throat and I would begin to panic and it made me angry at God saying 'don't take him!'. And I would just sit there and let it build up in me, forgetting the outside world and just living in the world I created in my mind where my dad was gone. It was awful. I let those thoughts run rampant and I rode them through my mind. Letting them swell and go where they wanted.
Other times I still do imagine hurting people. There is one person in my life that I love dearly but they push my buttons and make me so angry sometimes and all I can think of is punching them in the face and pulling pinching and twisting their skin and I sit there and imagine it and again let it take over my mind, I don't try to stop it. And thats where my mistake is. I can't expect to do this program and then all my troubles will just fall away. This is the Battle and Attack on anxiety and OCD! I must FIGHT! Lucinda has helped me see that the mind is a battlefield and that when those thoughts begin to enter in I need to let them know they are not welcome in my mind anymore and I need to say something outloud like 'shut up! or stop it! or this is stupid! or I'm going to go ride my bike!' and then I get up off my butt and force myself to go do something. The first time was very hard for me cause I was literally having to force myself to walk outside and step outside that awful cloud and world that my mind creates. Like I said its very hard to put into words but I tried my best. Just remember two things 1. you're not alone, you're not crazy. and 2. If you are determined to change then you must fight these feelings off the moment they stir up inside! It will be hard at first but the brain is an organ of habit and the more you get up and walk away the easier it will get!
Have you ever read the book 'Who turned off my brain?' by Dr. Caroline Leaf? I HIGHLY recommend it! It totally changed my perspective, It is NOT boring! It has little drawings and cartoons to help you understand the amazing way the brain works. She doesn't mumble or beat around the bush she is straight forward and teaches you all about the brain and how if left unguarded it can cause sickness in the body. Its great.
Remember we're all in this together!
Its hard to put into words and explain what I think of it but I'll try...
I'm 25 but my parents are much older, my dad is 71 and having heart troubles. I've never had to deal with ppl close to me dying or anything tragic thankfully and there were many times if I was bored, or just sitting there my mind would start running and sometimes it would be 'what if my dad died?' and it created this 'oh my God!' type empty feeling that caught in my throat and I would begin to panic and it made me angry at God saying 'don't take him!'. And I would just sit there and let it build up in me, forgetting the outside world and just living in the world I created in my mind where my dad was gone. It was awful. I let those thoughts run rampant and I rode them through my mind. Letting them swell and go where they wanted.
Other times I still do imagine hurting people. There is one person in my life that I love dearly but they push my buttons and make me so angry sometimes and all I can think of is punching them in the face and pulling pinching and twisting their skin and I sit there and imagine it and again let it take over my mind, I don't try to stop it. And thats where my mistake is. I can't expect to do this program and then all my troubles will just fall away. This is the Battle and Attack on anxiety and OCD! I must FIGHT! Lucinda has helped me see that the mind is a battlefield and that when those thoughts begin to enter in I need to let them know they are not welcome in my mind anymore and I need to say something outloud like 'shut up! or stop it! or this is stupid! or I'm going to go ride my bike!' and then I get up off my butt and force myself to go do something. The first time was very hard for me cause I was literally having to force myself to walk outside and step outside that awful cloud and world that my mind creates. Like I said its very hard to put into words but I tried my best. Just remember two things 1. you're not alone, you're not crazy. and 2. If you are determined to change then you must fight these feelings off the moment they stir up inside! It will be hard at first but the brain is an organ of habit and the more you get up and walk away the easier it will get!
Have you ever read the book 'Who turned off my brain?' by Dr. Caroline Leaf? I HIGHLY recommend it! It totally changed my perspective, It is NOT boring! It has little drawings and cartoons to help you understand the amazing way the brain works. She doesn't mumble or beat around the bush she is straight forward and teaches you all about the brain and how if left unguarded it can cause sickness in the body. Its great.
Remember we're all in this together!
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Guest
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Guest