Stress Center Peer Support

Hi Everyone!

I am new to the program and to this group and will be starting week 3 today. I must confess that just after 2 short weeks of this course my improvement is about 75% - amazing!

My issues have been more obsessive thoughts that lead to ritualistic type behaviour (mild OCD, according to a counsellor) surrounding leaving my home to out and especially in the morning when going to work. I have a checking compulsion that my home is safe i.e. stove is off,(even though it hasn't been turned on for 2 days), heat is off, balcony doors are locked (we live in a high rise tower) - you get the picture, responsibility for home safety and the safety of my animals. I have the need to check and re-check everything way too many times which turns into a vicious circle and I freak myself out with it. I get all anxious, fearful, heart pounds, hot flashes. It can 10 minutes or more to actually leave my home. Once I am out it is ok, once I have locked the suite door and then pulled the handled numerous times to ensure it is REALLY locked - it is like I don't trust myself and what I see when I check these things, yet I know it is all silly as I do "know" truly all if off and locked, but that isn't good enough. That is when the "what if" gets to me.

This all began about 10 years ago when I suffered near burn out from a highly stressful job. One day at home I went to put the milk away and found myself walking towards the bedroom to do so, stopped, and instead of laughing about it which most people would have done, I had such a scary thought that if I could do something as stupid as this, that "what if" I left the stove on one day!!! That sent me over the top and the daily checking before leaving began. It morphed over the years, which I hear is quite common, to include other items that fall under the category of keeping the home safe. It also morphed to include my work space at the office when leaving there for the day. That was more about my desk being locked. As a pre-teen and teen I suffered from a panic attacks at school as well as attacks in large places (i.e. a covered stadium, theatre (especially if well lit where I can see all of the people and they can see me). It seems to be the opposite of claustrophilia, which also bothers me. Now I realize my mother had panic attacks (and I think depression also) which the doctors labeled as a thyroid condition. My sibling also has the home checking issue.

This program is really working for me and this week I have not stressed over the checking. I know this is just a beginning for me and that I will probably go back and forth a bit during my recovery, and that is ok. It all feels very positive and I am up for the challenge to end all of the unwanted behaviours in my life.

Hi Adrien--Nice to meet you. Wow, you have a very interesting story. I can understand how you feel though, I've been feeling a lot more anxious about things, thus that is why I'm here.

I'm more now where I do check things or wonder if I really did turn off the stove and have driven back home to check as I wrestled with the decision on who to call to check for me. Part of it is that I am concerned about my memory as lately I can't recall a name or word quickly, like I use to. So I'm trying to figure out just what are the circumstances as to that, and if part of it is due to the medication I started taking or if it is anxiety or age.

I guess it will take some time as I work on these anxious feelings...but I do know where some of them have started from as well. Glad to have you here! Paislee

Hi Paislee!

Thank you so much for your e-mail! It is great to feel a part of this community of strength.

My issue is also self-doubt. I think a decrease in memory is normal as we grow older and that is ok, I get that at times also. We just need to slow down our life a little to counteract that. I find that if I rush, and especially in the morning when I have to go to work, that is when I really am affected. When I slow down, breathe as taught and self-talk that each item is off/locked when I check it, that all seems very bearable. I also feel that checking things once or twice is acceptable and normal, especially if there is no panic with it. Now things are starting to feel a little relaxed a lot of the time. I know the thoughts are not warranted. As Lucinda says, the self-talk part of this course is key. I listened to it last night and WOW!!!

How far are you into the program? I have never been on meds for this, but have tried herbal and homeopathic remedies with little to no affect. Then I decided it was time to get this straightened out. A counsellor suggested I research the Stress program as he had heard of so many positive results from clients, and here I am!

We can do this and we ARE doing this Paisleegreen!!!

Hi Adrien Yes are right, it is part of rushing to get out the door. I hadn't been in a habit of having to leave the house lately nor wanted to, so it takes everything in me to be organized dressed and out the door. I do volunteer work at least once or twice a week. So that gets me out the door. Then every other week its time to visit my Psychologist.

So you add Christmas shopping, a little grocery shopping, visiting other type of Drs and some family members that starts to bring on more stress to a time when I didn't do as much, except stay home and garden or take care of my pets.

Everything has been cut back since I did lose some of my pets and my confidence in what my role was in my family. I'm adjusting to empty nest syndrome and experienced a few panic attacks last spring and summer. So its been sort of a rocky road trying to figure out what to do with myself and time.

Yep, we are doing it! Yippee! Paislee

Hi!

I am so happy for you and I and everyone else in this program. We can and will do this for ourselves!

Do you have hobbies Paislee?

Hi Adrien, yes I have hobbies, that is the conflict I've had w/ family members. Ugh. I had plans to work on my hobbies and finish projects outside and in. But my youngest sort of put a damper on that, long story.

It became clear to me that he wasn't happy w/ my "hobbies". Thus followed Sessions w/ my then psychologist and then my first ever panic attack. Then I spent my summer trying to recover and figure out what is happening to me?

That was not how I wanted to spend my summer, that's for sure.

Oh dear, what happened, if you don't mind me asking. What are your hobbies?

Well, I do a lot of gardening, mainly ornamental plants. I gave up vegetable gardening years ago when noone in the family was helping me. Then I would be stuck with canning tomatoes in August and September when I wanted to play!

Anyway, I have water gardens w/ pretty goldfish and koi. I had bought a nursery and the green house never got set up. DH and DS would argue about where it should go and another DS had his old trucks in my way and he has been out of the house for several years.

So a lot of disappointment and then another son packed up my stuff from my family room while I was on a trip. He also got rid of some furniture as well. That is when I had my first panic attack a week after that. That is just the top of the iceberg...

Some of the stuff packed away was part of my other hobby stuff. Basically, a Dr told me that I had these compulsions to do these activities to compensate for my losses or other issues that are bothering me that brings me anxiety.

So my new Dr basically told me that I suffer from G.A.D. and he is helping me to get to the root of the problem.

What a beautiful hobby - gardening and fish! I love fish and the koi are so beautiful, indeed. You have a very soothing hobby - it is lovely to be with nature.

My, you are very patient with that family of yours. I hope you do not mind me saying this, but they need to respect who you are as a person and not infringe on your life and what makes you happy.

I have my own family issue, my only sibling, but I bit the bullet and handled it as I refused to accept her ill treatment towards me. I just exercised me options!

Hey Adrien,
I can definitely relate to what you are saying about self-doubt and what if's. It's crazy how our minds can play with us, isn't it? But like you are learning, we control our thoughts! And even if we have these automatic scary "what if?"s, we can know that they are just brain garbage. They say OCD is the doubting disease. It's a relief just to know that!