Please help my OCD son

[Boomer's Mom]

My son has just been diagnosed with OCD. He is plagued with intrusive thoughts about killing me or my husband. We have found him a good therapist and he is on meds now. He is now feeling not so frightened of the thoughts and now is worried because the thoughts don’t scare him he feels it will lead to acting on the thought. He is 20 years old and has never acted out violently before in his life. I have told him to remember it is his OCD and not him. He is starting to feel normal but feels something is still off. He would like to hear from someone about how the thoughts affected them though the healing process and if it is normal to feel that way as he is learning to identify what is OCD. Please help him understand.

[Michael]

Hello Boomers Mom,

Welcome. You are in the right community. In regards to your son it sounds like he is on the right track. I don't like using the label OCD when adressing scary thoughts and anxiety. That's all we are talking about is scary thoughts and anxiety. First of all tell your son the the fact these thoughts initially made him anxious is pure evidence that he is incapable of EVER acting on them. Individuals who do find peace in these thoughts are diagnosed as pathological. They would certainly of never reached out for help. Secondly, our brain digests everything i.e. scary news reports, disturbing news articles, ect....
We were born a little more sensitive and analytical than most thus when these thoughts pop up in our head we chase them down asking ourselves alot of bad questions, i.e. "Am I capable of this?", "Will I act of these thoughts?"...ect... The individual then fears the thought itself which naturally leads to more thoughts. We give these thoughts air time and creativity and it just leads to more variations of the thought and anxiety. Reality is all humans get obscure thoughts of this nature. We get ourselves into anxiety by focusing on the thought more than the norm. Being sensitive and analytical are great traits but when used in a counterproductive manner leads to anxiety. Good news is if we can think ourselves into anxiety, then we have the capability to think ourselves out.

When we begin to grasp an understanding of how these symptoms of anxiety relate to ourselves we begin the process of desensitizing these thoughts. That is our goal. Desensitizing. Knowing that these thoughts are not a reflection of you. Just a mere symptom of anxiety. Which is reality. First step for your son is to dismantle any irrational beliefs as it relates to these thoughts. Then we are on are way. Tell him to be patient. This is a process. He merely established some bad thinking habits and is in the process of re-establishing good thinking habits. This will ultimately lead to confidence. Thats what we want. CONFIDENCE.
This was one of my more challenging symptoms of anxiety thus I am very passionate about helping others help themselves. I am employed as a coach for StressCenter and would be happy to share any resources with you. Take Care and God Bless.

[gemini0521]

I have been in the exact same situation, but it is regarding my children. I had thoughts that scared me very badly and then they went away and came back, I started this program and the thoughts were still there but they were not scaring me as much anymore, which is now scaring me and making me wonder if I would actually act on them now that they don't scare me as much. I even got to a point were I was going to check myself into a mental instition because I was scared to be alone with my children!! Michael, I am so glad that you are here and that your comments have reassured me that I would never act on them, I just wish I could not have them at all anymore and be normal!!!! I really think this program has helped me, but I still have a constant uneasy feeling. If you have anymore advice please let me know!! And Boomers Mom- I really hope things get better with your son, it sounds like he has a great support system!!

[supportingeachother]

I can see how treating OCD can lead to this. When I learned about exposure therapy that was one of the first thoughts that went through my mind "Well if I am no longer afraid of the thought then isn't that in and of itself crazy?" OCD just keeps us doubting doesn't it? We want to be so certain, and in reality none of us can! UUgh that is hard for us to accept. Just remember, there are no known cases linking people with OCD to murder/harm. For that fact, my mind has said "but what if all the doctors were wrong, what if I/you don't really have OCD?" You see how are minds get to spinning??? Just remember thoughts are just thoughts. They can not control us. Say to yourself, "I am going outside to eat dirt" 20 times. I doubt that you will go do it. It is just easier to sit with that thought because it doesn't seem scary. Gross, but not scary.

[NeverQuit]

It's funny, because I've had this thought about suicide, "Oh no, it doesn't scare me as much as it did before, what if that means something?" Then you have to realize that AT THE ROOT OF THAT THOUGHT, you ARE scared of doing that feared thing! For anyone struggling with this, like everyone who posted has been saying, just FLOAT. Don't give your scary thoughts ANY value, just get busy with something POSITIVE, and continue speaking the positive dialogue to yourself. You WILL get better. You WILL see improvement. Keep the faith!