Afraid

BronzeStar45 · Post by **BronzeStar45** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 12:06 pm

Hi Everyone..It takes all the energy I have to write this but I am very scared the last few weeks and I guess I need what most people on here look for..Reassurance. I have been very anxious for a long time with OCD..about a month ago scary thoughts came back and it was the typical Knife, scissors and hurting someone or myself..never did it of course but the thoughts ran with themselves and that tingling mind numbing feeling overwhlemed me...this week my thoughts have been that I am becoming or am Scizofrenic..this may sound odd but once that thought got into my head I think about it day/night and have even looked at almost every website that talk about scizofrenia and tried to self-diagnose and think..oh..I kind of do that and sometimes I think I see something but no one or anything is ever there when I look back...I am obsessing to the point where it is killing my relationship and I cant get this out of my head..am I going crazy???!! Why do I feel this way...I look in the mirror and my eyes were red and I said.."Im evil...I must be scizofenic and going crazy" and it was probably just becuase I rubbed my eyes!!! ahh!!! This is horrible!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 1:15 pm

Being a schizophrenic is like the most common anxiety about mental health. If you were schizophrenic, believe me, you would know it by now for sure. Schizophrenia is not a disease that goes under peoples noses. It is a very obvious disease. OCD can be very powerful. My brother had it and I think i had a touch. If you don't have the program I recommened you get it, or try another CBT therepy. One thing that worked for my brother was exposure-response therepy. My brother had simliar fears. Hurting people hurting himself. So the therepist had him everynight for like 75 minutes he would write down his worst fears and say they are true. He would do it over and over and over, page after page of "Im going to die, and im going to hurt people, etcc". eventually your mind will absoluetly not care about these thoughts. However don't try to do this yourself, try to find a therepist that does exposure response. Believe me when I say there is hope for OCD. I've seen it literally dissapear. You just need to have the will to work hard and do the exercises.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 2:18 pm

Hi BronzeStar45,

Through talking with my friend, I know exactly how you feel. He suffered with the same type of scary thoughts involving sharp objects and hurting others or himself. Here is a link to another thread I have here in this forum section which gives more detail

<A HREF="http://bbs.stresscenter.com/eve/forums/ ... 4691056423" TARGET=_blank>http://bbs.stresscenter.com/eve/forums/ ... 1056423</A>

Something which you mentioned which I did not in the above link is the fear of schizophrenia. He also had that fear and it was the exact same time Russell Crowe's movie A Beautiful Mind came out. It is the story of John Nash who was a math genius and was genuinely schizophrenic. My friend was so afraid he was becoming this, he could not look at movie posters for it. It also took him over a year after successfully dealing with the scary thoughts before he read the book the movie was based on. Since then he has read it again and shrugs his shoulders. He knows he was not schizophrenic but had the fear of becoming one.

You may want to consider a therapist that deals with pure-o thoughts like these. Here is a link for the OC Foundation. <A HREF="http://www.ocfoundation.org" TARGET=_blank>http://www.ocfoundation.org</A>. They would be a good starting point for finding a specialist.

Tryinhard is correct about the exposure treatment, it being done by a specialist, and you do have to work hard at it. But it can definitely pay off. Now when my friend sees a sharp object he's like "Ah" with a bored tone.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 9:01 am

Bronze Star,

I know how it feels to have that fear running itself over and over in your head all day long. My sister attempting to end her life has brought the Pure OCD thought in my that I will do what she did. Never before her attempting this have I thought about this but now I think about it all day long! I wish you luck in getting through this difficult time. Maybe we can help each other.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 2:22 pm

I know have a fear of food to...That something I ate is going to hurt me..Ex: I ate a popsicle tonight..felt wierd...and now think the popsicle was bad...how odd is this?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 08, 2008 11:49 am

Hi there BronzeStar45. I have been struggling for quit some time with the exact same disturbing fears, it has been very frustrating and for the longest time i was sure I was scizephrenic. those overwhelming times seem fewer lately and easier to talk myself out of.My therapist has told me its ocd and anxiety. All in all i just wanted you to know ive delt with the exact same struggles.

God Bless you

Morgan