Obsession about no one caring.

SweetiePie · Post by **SweetiePie** » Mon Dec 17, 2007 4:25 am

I am not too sure if I am posting in the right section. But I have OCD and lately my symptoms have gotten a lot better. But one thing keeps coming up. I feel that people don't care about me. Someone makes an insensitive comment and I can't get over it. I don't want to be around my friends. Because they hurt me. I am plagued by feelings of anger towards those who "offended" me. I am wondering if it's OCD or anger... My husband says that I am not intrepreting the information about the situation properly like it goes in my head one way and my brain processes it totally different. If someone has thought to share I would appreciate it.

Maeggie · Post by **Maeggie** » Wed Dec 19, 2007 3:21 am

Hi SweetiePie:

That is a tough one! another obsession that is overwhelming and debilitating! I dont really have any secret advice but I certainly relate..

I think it is important to use the program with this as well.. keep a long list of self-positives and focus on those, dont forget people are so into their own stuff and issues that they do not notice anything you are obsessing about. Your husband does have a minor point that our negative thoughts tend to distort things..

Of course everyone cares about you! dont let your thoughts control you! you control them!

Best wishes!

timidgirl · Post by **timidgirl** » Wed Dec 19, 2007 4:04 am

SweetiePie,

I have this same problem to some extent. I get so caught up in what other people say about me even to the point where if someone looks at me wrong I feel awful. One thing that helps for me is this thought:

What does it matter what they think of me. I know I'm a great person and if they'd only take the time to get to know me they'd see that.

Now not everybody likes me, and I just find that hard to believe but it's true. Although, I do have very many people, both friends and family, that I know care about me a whole bunch. I also know the same is true for you too.

But isn't this true for all of us, some people we like and some we just can't get along with. Hopefully you don't have to be around the ones you don't get along with. But if a trusted friend is making insensitive comments to you, I hope you feel comfortable enough to ask this friend if he/she intended to hurt your feelings. It's good to clear the air sometimes.

SweetiePie · Post by **SweetiePie** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 6:07 am

Thanks for your replies Maeggie and timidgirl!
Appreciate your support.

TroubledSue · Post by **TroubledSue** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 5:51 pm

Are you older than your friends? I ask because I was in a similar situation. I was a few years older than my friends, and they liked to say rudes jokes, etc, all in fun, but, just not what I was used to since Highschool. If you're not older than them, I'm guessing you're just more mature. There are people out there who don't make their friends feel bad and give compliments and make their friends feel good. I am one of them. I know how a rude joke can really effect me, so I don't joke like that. I'd say your problem lies more in your friends than it does in you.

Oh, and I think it would be really annoying if everyone cared about you, lol. You can't please everyone, and not everyone is going to like you. just be OK with it. I'm sure it would be alot of strain on you if you had to like everyone in the world. So, its irrational for you to expect everyone to like you. I'm glad some people don't like me. Less people asking for favors, lookin to borrow money, using up my cell minutes, haha. Just find a good, solid, supportive core group of friends that respect you and aren't rude and I'm sure you'll be perfectly happy with them.

Prv31Mom · Post by **Prv31Mom** » Thu Dec 27, 2007 7:17 am

Have you completed Week 3 in the sessions? When I was reading about the ways we take in negative comments...filtering in only the negative, mind reading, negative predicting, etc. I realized that is a LOT of my problem with this same issue. Maybe they really AREN'T trying to offend me! Maybe they really AREN'T mad at me! Maybe, just maybe, it's all the way I take it in and dwell on what I think I heard/saw/understood. It's been an eye opener! I have been trying myself to just remind myself of those ideas whenever someone says something that I would normally process as negative!

Best wishes!

Dawn

Faith_full · Post by **Faith_full** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 5:09 am

Hey there!

Sweetie pie, (funny that my handle on msn)

Sensitive to comments and possibly misinterpreting them? They only get big and long lasting if you do not ask what is meant by it or express your feelings ASAP. Just say "ouch" that gets the point across. I found that I was a negative person and tended to read the comments of others from that place. Because I knew that energy was leaving me in fear and doubt. So I made a conscious effort to imagine energy leaving me in love and respect. It changed my life.

JMS2032 · Post by **JMS2032** » Wed Apr 23, 2008 4:11 am

My boyfriend told me last night that I demand too much attention and I took it to heart. I always take little comments that people say to me way too seriously. In fact, that is the biggest problem of mine is that I am constantley worried about what other people think of me. I hate it. :p

Mary Wargo · Post by **Mary Wargo** » Wed Apr 23, 2008 5:39 am

Prv31Mom brought up a good cognitive distortion called filtering. We tend to filter out anything positive and only see the negative (comments, body language, facial expressions). We zero in on these for some reason and discount any positive signs. This post was a good reminder to practice the CBT techniques on a daily basis. The funny part about all this is that even if someone does say or do something rude or mean, they usually forget all about it and we are the ones left stewing about it. We can't give other people that much power over our self esteem. I truly believe that no one has the power to make you feel bad except yourself.

Boon · Post by **Boon** » Wed Apr 23, 2008 8:04 am

Because we are so sensitive a helpful technique when you are talking to others is to put up a brick wall between the two of you and this will allow the words to bump off of that wall. (THIS IS NOT ABOUT BEING COLD AND DISTANT. It's about being neutral so that you are unaffected by the words spoken.) I use a thick wood wall. I also use this for my own thoughts that may be negative or scary. It just allows them to come so far and then that's it. We are such sponges, so to speak, and we need to use whatever tools are available to us. You don't need to let people hurt you in anyway. Since we obsess about what has been said you can also put that wall up after the original conversation and continually see the words bouncing off the wall. Because you are no longer emotionally engaged you can see things better for what they really are.

Reaffirm your wonderfulness all the time and always remind yourself that YOU CAN HANDLE IT!