Hello my name is Amber and I was just diagnosed with OCD disorder about 2 weeks ago. My thoughts gots so bad that I went into a hospital for mental disorders. What do you know one of my biggest fears came true, but I thought it was the best thing for me and the doctors said it was OCD.
My OCD became really bad when I was having obsessive thoughts about schzoprehnia because I thought I had it. I was freaking myself out to the point where I would actually pretend I was seeing and hearing stuff. Then that thought would pop into my head "What if I really am just seeing things and I dont know its an illusion?" Weird I know.
The other thoughts would pop into my head about how am I an animal if I have sex and I am an animal if I eat meat. So I haven't been having sex, but I want too, but I currrently don't have a sex drive as it is.
Then I was having thoughts about the universe and how big it is compared to myself and that I am nothing but a speck of dust. Blah Blah Blah... I think I got over this thought though.
Then for some reason "brains" was scaring me. One night I was laying on the couch and I was holding my cat in my lap and then I look at him in is eyes and then I thought "all you are is a brain", this thought scared me so now when I look at my cat or somebody I think brain. It freaks me out.
I dont suppose that anybody else have these thoughts because they are weird. If you do I know how weird they can make you feel.
I also obsess on hurting others and myself. This was something that I couldn't get over and then other unusual strange thoughts like the ones above started. I start thearpy on Friday and I am totally excited. My docor prescribed Paxil to me but I am afraid to take it because I was just recently on Celexa and it made me much much worse. My thoughts of suicide got really bad.
More scary thoughts
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Guest
i know i am going through the same stuff. but i can tell you ive been thinking those ways for years and at one point i actually enjoyed it about myself. i used to work in a planetarium and thought about the size of the universe compared to me and i thought it was really cool.
i know a lot of people who worked there who thought the same way.
there are a lot of philosophers out there. and philosophy is a major in college and a generally acceptable way of thinking.
i know at one point i enjoyed that i felt like a philosopher.
now im scared of it as you are...im wondering lately if its not philosophy that scares me but the fear of losing my mind. i think thats what we are really afraid of. so like the program says...your thoughts are not the problem...its your fear of them that causes unnecessary stress.
good luck
i know a lot of people who worked there who thought the same way.
there are a lot of philosophers out there. and philosophy is a major in college and a generally acceptable way of thinking.
i know at one point i enjoyed that i felt like a philosopher.
now im scared of it as you are...im wondering lately if its not philosophy that scares me but the fear of losing my mind. i think thats what we are really afraid of. so like the program says...your thoughts are not the problem...its your fear of them that causes unnecessary stress.
good luck
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Guest
I dont know why these thoughts are scaring me but they really get on my nerves. My OCD is really bothering me today. I just want to start thearpy and a good medication already. The thing is I have known my whole life about the universe and brains and sex, but now for some reason they are scaring me.
Im feel crazy believe me I do. I have already cried a lot today just thinking "I want to be normal."
Im feel crazy believe me I do. I have already cried a lot today just thinking "I want to be normal."
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Guest
I'm doing a little better today. I started crying because my cat was following me around meowing for attention and for that one second i felt love like i used to. and i was so happy i cryed. i tried to grasp that feeling and cling to it. and i tried to go back to things i loved. like i started downloading beautiful music. and its tough... i mean i love the mummers dance by loreena mckennitt...and for some reason my brain is associating EVERYTHING with something negative and it makes me feel creeped out. like i love mummers dance but all i kept picturing was witches dancing and the time this guy i had been friends with was convinced i was a wiccan...just because i love nature and i love some sort of zen type sprituality. and i remember then thinking "what a dork...loving nature and feeling zen'd out has nothing to do with being wiccan...im not wiccan." and so on some logical level i know its silly for my brain to associate negative thoughts with my favorite things...but it just is for some reason.
you are not the only one...i think a lot of people on here have gone through this.
im trying to start not avoiding things that scare me. im starting with basic easy things for now...but it seems to work some. for example, i just listened to that song that was creeping me out 2 or 3 times and meditated on the things about it i used to love. and it made me remember it certainly wasnt witches i liked about that song. it was the peaceful beautiful melody and it was that it reminded me of beautiful irish mountains and people singing together around campfires. so thats helping me define myself.
maybe doing things like that will help you when you are ready.
i hope things get better for you, i know they will in time. trust me i know how it feels to be there.
im still there sometimes. but theres some hope buried inside of me still and somewhere in you theres hope...thats the real you.
the real you is what you really want what makes your heart lift.
you are not the only one...i think a lot of people on here have gone through this.
im trying to start not avoiding things that scare me. im starting with basic easy things for now...but it seems to work some. for example, i just listened to that song that was creeping me out 2 or 3 times and meditated on the things about it i used to love. and it made me remember it certainly wasnt witches i liked about that song. it was the peaceful beautiful melody and it was that it reminded me of beautiful irish mountains and people singing together around campfires. so thats helping me define myself.
maybe doing things like that will help you when you are ready.
i hope things get better for you, i know they will in time. trust me i know how it feels to be there.
im still there sometimes. but theres some hope buried inside of me still and somewhere in you theres hope...thats the real you.
the real you is what you really want what makes your heart lift.
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Guest
Hey Amberlee,
I can really relate to you thoughts too. I us to not get scared about the universe and existential thoughts and what not. And now they can trigger my OCD. My therapists is a specialist in OCD, and I was diagnoses with a form of OCD called Pure-O.
I have the obsessive thought habits but I do not have rituals or compulsions.
I think therapy will be great for you and you will find a lot of comfort. Hang in there some moments are more difficult than others. One thing that works for me is simplicity. Try and keep things simple. Do little things like clean or cook or read, or listen to music. When you have these thoughts, take a deep breah and say " This is OCD, thats ok. I don't need to run from this, I don't even need to stop it. I just simply need to not feed it fear. I can go about my business now...stay in the present moment."
Keep us posted on how everything goes.
Kami great advice!
That is great that you are not avoiding things. Keep it up and bask in the good, and keep moving forward. I responded to your ocd message as well
I can really relate to you thoughts too. I us to not get scared about the universe and existential thoughts and what not. And now they can trigger my OCD. My therapists is a specialist in OCD, and I was diagnoses with a form of OCD called Pure-O.
I have the obsessive thought habits but I do not have rituals or compulsions.
I think therapy will be great for you and you will find a lot of comfort. Hang in there some moments are more difficult than others. One thing that works for me is simplicity. Try and keep things simple. Do little things like clean or cook or read, or listen to music. When you have these thoughts, take a deep breah and say " This is OCD, thats ok. I don't need to run from this, I don't even need to stop it. I just simply need to not feed it fear. I can go about my business now...stay in the present moment."
Keep us posted on how everything goes.
Kami great advice!
That is great that you are not avoiding things. Keep it up and bask in the good, and keep moving forward
. I responded to your ocd message as well-
Guest
I wish I had and OCD spealist, but I live in such a small town that I doubt that I could find anybody to help me, although I do have a counseling center here it is just that the therapist that I have seen seems really dumb to me. She doesn't give me any real advice, she just sits there and nods her head.
I just picked up paxil today and my doctor wants me to take it at night and I am terrified, but I am also tired of feeling this way.
Wish me luck! This medication is for OCD and I pray that it cures me.
I just picked up paxil today and my doctor wants me to take it at night and I am terrified, but I am also tired of feeling this way.
Wish me luck! This medication is for OCD and I pray that it cures me.
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Guest
You sound like an extremely intelligent woman Amber and I can relate to everything you wrote. There's alot of people out there dealing with this who can help tremendously. Many are on this site. I deal with the same crap everyday and sometimes it seems to be more than I can handle. It isn't though. Keep posting on here...it has helped me so much. I'd love to have a specialist too but they just aren't around where I live. Good ones anyway. there are some great books out there that have helped me as well. If you are interested i can name a couple for you. I have had that same feeling of the therapist being dumb where I live too. It's cause you're too deep for them and that makes it even more difficult to find an insightful therapist. You haven't lost your mind...you're stuck with it. I don't have all the answers but I've been where you are in fact I'm struggling right now, but I've gotten better at dealing with it. I have only the best hopes and wishes for you and you can send me an IM sometime if you want. People on here have helped me so much at times. There's a million things I could say right now but it would be too much info for you right now. This puzzle is only mastered with acceptance and understanding and just being on here says so much about you. Take care
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Guest
Mack,
Thank you so much for your support it makes me feel a lot better. You are welcome to give me as much advice as you would like that is what I am here for. If makes me feel better that you can relate because believe me I feel like I am alone.
I think that my thoughts are biazare and everytime I talk about it I just feel crazy. So thank you!!
Thank you so much for your support it makes me feel a lot better. You are welcome to give me as much advice as you would like that is what I am here for. If makes me feel better that you can relate because believe me I feel like I am alone.
I think that my thoughts are biazare and everytime I talk about it I just feel crazy. So thank you!!
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Guest
Hey Amber,
My first therapist was like that. She wasn't dumb, but she was really not getting at the point that I had a form of OCD. So I switched. But what I did was an online search at Obsessive Compulsive Foundation and it has a search engine where you put your zip code and it will direct you to the nearest therapist that also specializes in OCD. I don't know if you have tried it before, but check it out. Chances are you will find someone close to your town if not in the town.
Best wishes
Eddy J
My first therapist was like that. She wasn't dumb, but she was really not getting at the point that I had a form of OCD. So I switched. But what I did was an online search at Obsessive Compulsive Foundation and it has a search engine where you put your zip code and it will direct you to the nearest therapist that also specializes in OCD. I don't know if you have tried it before, but check it out. Chances are you will find someone close to your town if not in the town.
Best wishes
Eddy J
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Guest
O.k. your thoughts are bizarre but that doesn't mean you are. Many thoughts are just neurological garbage built up from all the information we take in every minute of every day. Your fear of these thoughts is what keeps letting them occur over and over. Try accepting them for what they are, just thoughts. Simple but not easy I know.