Stress Center Peer Support

I've posted this on another forum also, but am just wondering if anyone else has this issue. I'm completely obsessing on what ifs such as,

"What if I find out my boyfriend (insert irrational fear here!) and then I can't be with him anymore?" Can anyone relate to this???

I do the same thing. I always second guess my decisions. Like If I change my mind about my daughter going somewhere I think OMG WHAT IF she gets into an accident, I will always think I shouldn't have her let her go. IF I get off work early I will think OMG maybe leaving early will cause me to be involved in an accident that if I hadn't left early I wouldn't have been in. I wonder about if I go blind while I am driving and I worry about what if I pass out in Wal Mart and people just step over me. You are not alone sweetheart!
Cathy

I can totally relate to "what if" thinking. It's one of my biggest issues. You aren't alone.
I have found that a positive counteracting statement usually helps. I just keep repeating it to myself & I calm down. It doesn't give me instant relief but I do feel better after repeating something positive over & over.

If we can think negatively over & over, why can't we make a positive counter statement that makes us feel better?

Best wishes~!

I am the queen of "what if" thinking. The one that has been the worst for me is, "what if my husband wakes up one day and realizes he's made a mistake and wants to go back to his ex-wife?" or "what if I find out he was unfaithful to me?" Now that last one is complicated, because while we were dating he DID go back to his ex wife for a one night stand. I found out about it during our engagement and 5 months before we were to be married. So the really hard part for me is... what if it happens again? Will I know? Will I see the signs? And the worst one of all... will I survive it if it does happen??

I am so right there with you on this... I only wish I could help you with it. If you find a tip or trick that helps, would you please post it? I so desperately want to stop this kind of thinking... it is exhausting and detrimental to our relationship.

Good luck to both of us... just know you are not alone.

My latest one, which is totally bizarre, is "What if I found out he has been in prison for a committing a horrible crime?" Strange!

Hi there, I am a serial "What If"-er too. I am 18 and agoraphobic and rely heavily on my mom for support, transportation, you name it. My most fearful what if is "What if Mom wakes up this morning and realizes that it's too hard to deal with me (and my anxiety) and leaves me to fend for myself? What if she decides to give up on me?" With the help of a therapist, I am learning that I can handle the what ifs-both in theory and reality. On the off chance that my mother decided to let me fend for myself, I could handle it, I could learn to care for myself. Right now, I have a lot of trouble believing in myself and my personal power (over anxiety and in general), but reiterating to myself that if it really happened, I'd be able to stand it, helps. Because although we don't believe it (and I'm the first one to not believe, let me tell you) we really can handle a lot more than we think we can.
Hope this helps.

Thank you all for your replies. It is so helpful to hear others' stories. Cole 2458, you are very mature and insightful for an 18 year old!

Hi Kay

I what if think all the time...mostly about my health and well being...what if I take these vitamins and I get a reaction....what if my headache is much more than a normal headache....what if this is the last morning I will wave to my little boy on the bus and they get into an accident....

I think we all to some extent fear the unknown....its normal but of course being an anxiety sufferer I blow things WAY out of proportion. I can say that I have never died from my what if thinking and I have never had any of the ridiculous thoughts and worries that I obsess about come to be.....so sometimes that helps me to calm down.

I use my relaxation tape nightly and sometimes through the day as well if I am having a particularly hard one. Down time is hard for me to do...distraction is my weapon against my mind. When I am relaxing I think so I try to keep busy but a body can only run so long without rest....so if I must I try really hard to do my breathing or listen to tapes or music with words that I can sing along to.

This forum and the chat line have been a great asset to me...I find great comfort and guidence with these. Good luck to you! You will be fine! Your are stronger than you give yourself credit for!

Where do I start with the what if's. My wife says I own this way of thinking. I do what if's so bad that I make myself sick. I am constantly thinking what if I loose my job? or what if something would happen to me? How or would my family move on and forget about me? when I tell my wife about this she gets upset at me and says I give her not credit. She can deal with anything. My wife is a very intellegent person and very strong willed. This is two reasons I married her 23 yrs ago. I cannot get her to understand what if thinking & the turmoil I am putting myself through. I have been doing this to myself for along time and I worrie what if she gets tired of seeing me this way. What if she leaves. I thank everyone who reads or replies to this because for a moment everyone is thinking of me and that helps. you are all very special people
Randy

well you are right..if you can negatively "what if" you can practice positive counters...you may not believe it right now if you are early into this program and trying to practice distraction and better thinking habits.....BUT, it will take you just some months of practicing better counters and distraction and you will see years of negativity, and neg "what ifs" begin to turn around for each of you..you will be gratefully amazed. so keep practicing=just doing your own best...and you will reap positive benefits soon.