Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 3:24 am
Hi I am new to the group thought i would share my life with OCD and see if anyone else has had similar experiences.
I have had it all my life. My ocd focused on losing my mother when i was young. I would constantly need to know where she was and with her as much as possible. As I got older I would worry about my health..if I had a major disease etc.
In college this fear of illness was particularly accute. to this day...I am 46...I still obsess about my health if something is wrong. I go from oh look I have a bruise to I just know I have leukemia. If I can't get a hold of one of my children I go right to; I will never see them again they are gone and I will never know what happened.
At work if I say something wrong or if a parent is mad at me, I work in a middle school, I am sure I will be sued or I will lose my job, be arrested and go to jail.
I was recently in a car accident, The other driver and I stood and talked for an hour after the accident waitng for the police to arrive and fill out the paper work, After I dropped him off at his work, he was ticketed for not having a valid driver license, I was sure he had keeled over , was dead and that I would be arrested and go to jail. I actually made an excuse a few days later to be at the place he worked and made sure I saw and talked to him about how he was doing. It has been over a week and a half and I still have a nagging feeling that at any moment I could be arrested.
I called to make an appointment with a psychotherapist. This was during Christmas and New Year. They called back yesterday and didnt leave a name or number with my wife so I could call back. They also didnt identify themselves as they were concerned for my confidentiality. When my wife told me about this phone call I was sure it was the police coming to take me away...so much so that I left work early and called everyone I could think of to see if they had called. I finally got a hold of the doctors office that had called but I put myself through Hell for 2 to 3 hours.
I know that things can be better but I am tired of living with this sort of thing, no I a not tird of living just tired of dealing with this. I hope some of you can sympathize and please if you have had similar thoughts I love to hear that I am not the only one.
I am starting my program today so I look forward to making some progress.
I have had it all my life. My ocd focused on losing my mother when i was young. I would constantly need to know where she was and with her as much as possible. As I got older I would worry about my health..if I had a major disease etc.
In college this fear of illness was particularly accute. to this day...I am 46...I still obsess about my health if something is wrong. I go from oh look I have a bruise to I just know I have leukemia. If I can't get a hold of one of my children I go right to; I will never see them again they are gone and I will never know what happened.
At work if I say something wrong or if a parent is mad at me, I work in a middle school, I am sure I will be sued or I will lose my job, be arrested and go to jail.
I was recently in a car accident, The other driver and I stood and talked for an hour after the accident waitng for the police to arrive and fill out the paper work, After I dropped him off at his work, he was ticketed for not having a valid driver license, I was sure he had keeled over , was dead and that I would be arrested and go to jail. I actually made an excuse a few days later to be at the place he worked and made sure I saw and talked to him about how he was doing. It has been over a week and a half and I still have a nagging feeling that at any moment I could be arrested.
I called to make an appointment with a psychotherapist. This was during Christmas and New Year. They called back yesterday and didnt leave a name or number with my wife so I could call back. They also didnt identify themselves as they were concerned for my confidentiality. When my wife told me about this phone call I was sure it was the police coming to take me away...so much so that I left work early and called everyone I could think of to see if they had called. I finally got a hold of the doctors office that had called but I put myself through Hell for 2 to 3 hours.
I know that things can be better but I am tired of living with this sort of thing, no I a not tird of living just tired of dealing with this. I hope some of you can sympathize and please if you have had similar thoughts I love to hear that I am not the only one.
I am starting my program today so I look forward to making some progress.