Stress Center Peer Support

hi i am new member to this forum I am 30 years old. I have had anxiety problems since i was 18.i have been through tough times in my life and its always when i hit problems that bother me to the point i cant stop thinking about them. almost as if it consumes me to the point i cannot function with anything in my life. My latest problem is with my girlfriend of 5 years. Our relationship is i feel a great relationship. We never really had big fights and i never had thoughts of being whith anyone else. We also took trips and always had a good times. we also live seperate meaning i am still home with my parents as well as she. The last month very hard for my and i will give you the reasons why. It all started with us hanging out and having a ok time, but i had what i feel like was an urge to tell her something i did (the urge was to tell her i smoked a cigarate the night before)that i know would bother her and get her mad. So i told her and naturally she got mad. thats how it started the urges kept coming into my head to tell her bad things even some of them where lies as well.it was just bothering me that everytime i had these feeling i had to tell them to her.Now this destroyed me to the point that i am scared to even be next to her. The last couple of weeks i have started to Question everything and anything about her examp. "do i really love her" "do i care about her" it has made me miserable to the point i almost ended it twice but when i saw her i could not bring myself to do it cause dont want to be wrong. i really feel like i love her to death but alot of unwanted doubt fills me. I have been to a psychiatrist and i am on meds now but i am just still so worried about whats goin on with me I have tried reading on the comp about love and what it is. and also about relationship ocd but im always questioning myself. We have hung out a couple of times the last couple of weeks and sometimes where great and i thought ok i am all better and then i would question that is it really good? then i wouldnt see her a day or so and the worry and the doubt would come back and i would be miserable. Then other times i would not have a good time cause i would be so nervous and worried and just looking to see if i looked at her and felt love. This has been very hard it has crippled me. I dont know what to do.

I have been through this same thing. My anxiety came out of nowhere for the first time due to hormonal imbalance. Well, unlucky to me, it came in the form of relationship anxiety. My fiancee and I are such a wonderful couple and we love each other so much, but all of a sudden I started having these doubting thoughts that I have never had before. "What if I fall out of love with him" "How do I know I really love him?" Basically stuff just like that. Love is one of those things that comes naturally to your heart. It's like sleep, when you concentrate on trying to fall asleep, you can't sleep at all. It's like that with love. When you sit there and try to think about love and if you feel it enough and what not, we can't feel it as powerfully as we would in a natural state. I am now going through the program, on hormone balancing supplements, and on Lexapro. It has helped me tremendously. I suddenly feel happy again and the love back in my life. Basically, you just need to recognize that they are anxious thoughts and what if thoughts. Don't make anything of them or fear them. I know that is hard to do, but the more you stay scared of them and contemplate them, the more the anxiety will be there. Practice this for awhile and you will start to notice changes. I have talked to many people since it happened to me that had the same thing happen. When you have anxiety, you have your worst fears, and for some of us that's losing our loved ones, so we get it in that form! I hope that helps a bit. You are not alone in this. Remember who you are and the love you share. To dramatically make a change now will only cause more anxiety and will not be true to your heart.