Stress Center Peer Support

Okay so I have bad violent thoughts, and they do scare me and they do give me panic attacks. But when I hear everyone say "I would never ever do them" it confuses me, cause I used to be able to say that, but now I'm so confused as to why I am thinking these things and why I have so much anger inside that I can't just say that I would never do them, cause I honestly don't know. I mean I don't think I would, but it's so confusing. I can't seem to tell myself that I'm not going to act on these thoughts. I hate these thoughts and I don't want to be violent and I'm afraid of going crazy but it's like...I'm starting to act weirder now and I don't honestly know if I'd ever act on them :[ I get really uptight and angry around people and then I start getting panic attacks cause I'm afraid my mind is going to snap and I'm going to accidently hurt them :[ Please help

Taylor,

First, talk with your dr/therapist about your thoughts...I am sure they will reassure you. However, if these are new thoughts, one wonders if any medications have been changed? Any new life experiences? What is your diagnosis?

I think you would be very smart to go speak to a professional about these issues...honestly, the forum isn't really the place. We are all average anxiety sufferers and can't "professionally" help you. Please go for the help you so much deserve...you do Not have to live in fear-

The anger comes from some type of thoughts-write down the theme of thoughts that bring anger-see what you need to work through. A professional in your area can be of great help.

Wishing you inner peace. Carolyn

It's completely normal what you are feeling and believe that you are not that person who would want to hurt yourself or others. What helped me get through the darkest hours is doing something that I love, something that puts you in a state of true comfort and solice. Have you tried meditating? You have tell yourself that these are only thoughts and that it does not control my life. God bless, my prayers and thoughts are with you. You are going to get through this. If I can then anyone can.

I have just started week two and I also wonder about these bad thoughts that seem to stick in my mind. Listen to the relaxation tape to clear your mind. My mind seems to get rebooted to get rid of the clutter after listening to them. As we continue this course I also hope to understand why I ever thought those crazy ideas.

Originally posted by CarolynEd.Dir.:
Taylor,

First, talk with your dr/therapist about your thoughts...I am sure they will reassure you. However, if these are new thoughts, one wonders if any medications have been changed? Any new life experiences? What is your diagnosis?

I think you would be very smart to go speak to a professional about these issues...honestly, the forum isn't really the place. We are all average anxiety sufferers and can't "professionally" help you. Please go for the help you so much deserve...you do Not have to live in fear-

The anger comes from some type of thoughts-write down the theme of thoughts that bring anger-see what you need to work through. A professional in your area can be of great help.

Wishing you inner peace. Carolyn

Carolyn,
Such good advice and we are lucky to have veterans like you to say the right things to get us on a path to help. Thanks

Taylor,
My heart is with you. I hope you feel better soon. Please let us know how you are doing.
(((HUGS))) for you.

You are probably doing much better today, Taylor, as is usally the case after an attack.

Ask yourself who is confused. You or the one scaring you. There is a difference. The you that is scaring you is the same voice that is telling you you are confused. In time you will see this.

You have to get out of your head for awhile. Give yourself a break, a rest - even if it is only for five minutes. You need that break from your thoughts. Your ultimate goal is to dismiss these thoughts because they simply are not real. You will eventually get to that point where you will just let them go.

And, as Carolyn recommended, it is so helpful to have someone that you can see and talk to locally during your times of high anxiety. Someone who can soothe you until you can learn to do that for yourself. You need guidance right now that a professional can provide for you. You are in no way dangerous to anyone. Your thoughts are scaring you because that is the nature of the obsessive scary thinker. There is no other explanation.

Let us know how you are doing.

Hi Taylor,

I have thought about you and how you feel a lot since you posted. I was worried about you and wished I had the perfect answers for you but of course I don't. I do have questions for you that you don't have to reply online to but maybe it will help you with the anger you feel. I did this myself and it helped me a great deal when I was freaking out last Thursday.

The questions are..do you know why you feel so much anger or rage?? Have you written the answers down and tried to resolve any of the reasons or just looked at some of them and said why am i bothered by this it's wasting my time and my time is prescious? Is it stuff that's coming from your past, present or are you worrying about a future event of some type? Is it an outside source ( someone who is hurting you emotionally, physically, being unkind in some way? I know we can't make others change how they treat us but we have to change how we react or respond to their treatment as well as how we treat ourselves. It's our knowing what we can and must control in our lives. It's being aware that we are worthy of loving and respecting ourselves enough to stop hurting ourselves and that is what we do. I have always said I wake up in a good mood then someone from the outside world puts me in a bad mood. I now realize they can only do that if I LET THEM. I am reteaching myself to stop letting another persons actions get to me. They are who they are or choose to be and I am not going to have it affect my daily life anymore. I will conquer this day by day by repeating to myself they just don't and won't make my day miserable as I won't allow it anymore. I'm better than that.

I also know that so many issues from my childhood and past were eating me up. It's tough but each day gets easier once I forgave myself and others and realized I can't change the past but I can change MY FUTURE and MUST change it (for me first) and foremost and that will filter through to my family and friends.

I so hope my post is helpfull and not upsetting in any way. I'm not a professional just someone very much like you who wants to feel happiness and joy each and every day.

May you find some inner peace and be kind to your mind and body.

God Bless and don't give up.

Seek out a therapist, Taylor. You need guidance locally; someone who can help you with your anger and with the problems you are having in your relationship.

Boon is correct and we would love to hear how you are doing. Let's close the topic for now because it may be scary to those just starting.
Carolyn