Hi,
I would like to understand what´s going on with me an ask for your experience.
I have an anxiety disorder since 8 years, and I have recently been through the worst attacks since then because so many things are changing in my life, divorce, trouble at work, financial problems ect.
However, I have learned to cope with anxiety, if it´s "only" fear and the physical symptoms. I wish it was just that!
But when I have anxiety, especially when I´m alone with my daughter, I have these thoughts: the panic of losing control, going insane, doint crazy things, hurting her or myself or my pets. I know that this is quite common (thanks to God for this board!).
I noticed that it happens when I am extremely exhausted, overwhelmed or overwrought, under pressure, oversentisized, so I know that it´s a symptom of tired nerves and body, but - WHY do I have THESE thoughts?
Why do I get these sudden panic spells, that I get afraid of myself although hurting someone or anybody is the last thing I would think of?? Why is it so common (but people don´t talk about it!) that they are afraid of embarassing themselves in public or saying something stupid in a meeting, or jumping off a balcony?
I have read that OCD-people don´t do these things just because they have these thoughts, the explanation was: because we shy away from violence and simply know that we don´t really want to do that. That´s one explanation that Lucinda gives in her book. But there are people who actually do those things! People who must have been "normal" before, too!
I recently read a book, it was a psycho thriller (I know I shouldn´t read that!) a story about a woman who had been traumatized as child, and in a certain situation she stabbed a man, out of a sudden, because he was fooling around with a woman and she thought he molested her.
I got a panic attack when I read that, threw away that book and when my daughter entered the room in that moment, I jumped out of the bed and escaped, scared by the thought I could also do that...
Why are the experts so certain that we won´t do what we are afraid of? I mean, what´s the difference between me, an overwhelmed and exhausted single mother and the person in the newspaper who has gone mad and killed her family??
What are your obsessive thoughts and what do you think why you have THESE?
Can anyone relate to my question? Thank you so much for answering.
Question to OCD-sufferers:what kind of thoughts do you have?
Hey GardenFairy~ I can relate to what you've written. My OCD thoughts are MUCH worse when under more stress, or I haven't gotten enough sleep etc. I just posted another thread that just before my "time of month" I am noticing I am worse too. So, I think that is "normal." And, I am also so thankful for these boards to know that my "fears" are normal too!
In answer to your last question, barring in mind that I am *NOT* an expert, here is my opinion. I think we don't do these things because we NEVER wanted to and don't want to. For me, when I fear, I've figured out that I fear what would be the worst, most heartwrentching things to me. They are NOTHING I would ever want to do. It actually gives me a stomach ache when I'm really struggling. For the "other" people you are referring to in the newspapers, it is a guess that maybe they didn't ever fear doing the things they did/do, but rather saw/see them as some type of solution or something they wanted to do (if that makes sense). (ex. I don't like so and so, so how can I solve that problem. If they were gone, then my problem would be solved) I doubt if they are thinking "gosh what if I did this, it would be awful" Does that makes sense... they are thinking if they did such and such a thought, it would "help" them somehow. There is first a problem or issues and then thoughts on how they will "solve" it. With OCD, it is not about solving a problem, its just an intrusive thought that comes out of nowhere at the wrong time! HTH
In answer to your last question, barring in mind that I am *NOT* an expert, here is my opinion. I think we don't do these things because we NEVER wanted to and don't want to. For me, when I fear, I've figured out that I fear what would be the worst, most heartwrentching things to me. They are NOTHING I would ever want to do. It actually gives me a stomach ache when I'm really struggling. For the "other" people you are referring to in the newspapers, it is a guess that maybe they didn't ever fear doing the things they did/do, but rather saw/see them as some type of solution or something they wanted to do (if that makes sense). (ex. I don't like so and so, so how can I solve that problem. If they were gone, then my problem would be solved) I doubt if they are thinking "gosh what if I did this, it would be awful" Does that makes sense... they are thinking if they did such and such a thought, it would "help" them somehow. There is first a problem or issues and then thoughts on how they will "solve" it. With OCD, it is not about solving a problem, its just an intrusive thought that comes out of nowhere at the wrong time! HTH
All for His praise, glory and the joy it gives Him.
Hugs, In His Love >:D<
Gman9259
"He who dwells in the secret place of the most
high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty"
Hugs, In His Love >:D<
Gman9259
"He who dwells in the secret place of the most
high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty"
Hi Garden Fairy, the difference between you and a cold hearted killer is that you are actually scared of these thoughts. You let the thought bother you when it pops into your head and you try and make some sort of sense out of it and your brain just keeps going over and over the thought trying to figure out some sort of solution as to why you are having it. I know first hand that this can be EXTREMELY exhausting and debilitating. I too suffer (soon to be in past tense!) from pure O and scary thoughts. When I was a kid I would always obsess over my mom dying. I would constately have images of her being stabbed in a parking lot while coming out of work or getting into a terrible car accident (and I was 6 years old having these thoughts!) Then on the contrary I would have scary thoughts of hurting her and these kind of thoughts haunted me up until about 3 months ago. I had almost checked myself in one night after obsessing for the whole day non stop that I would hurt my fiance. I couldn't even go inside the house by the end of the night because I couldn't handle the anxiety of being in the kitchen with knives. He kept asking me what was wrong and all I could do was stand there shaking uncontroably. I called my best friend to come over and was prepared to get into the car and drive to the hospital as long as I could bring my teddy bear with me that I've had since I was 5 (I'm 26 now and yes I will admit that I still sleep with him even though he has no nose or mouth anymore 
) To make a long story short, I didn't go to the hospital, instead I stood there and told my best friend and my fiance that I was scared I was going to hurt them. I felt a little better after I got that out in the open after years of thinking I was crazy and an evil person. The next day I went and got some help from a therapist and ordered the program. I am on my last week now with a coach and I thank my lucky stars that I found it because I no longer have to live in fear and realized that I am the one scaring myself. You see, we are highly sensitve, caring and loving people and are extremely sensitive to anything bad that could happen in this world. We always have to try and make sense out of every thought we have and control the uncontrolable when we really have no control over when we die or when someone else that we love dies. I'm still searhing for some sort of inner peace with this topic and I know it will come with time, I'm not doing this well right now without the help our creator!! If you are doing the program you will learn to let the thoughts come and go and not pay any attention to them and soon they will be far and few. If you ever need to talk you can PM me. I've had EVERY scray thought out there, including scary thought of molesting. You should pick up the book "the imp of the mind and the CD "101 Power Thoughts for Life." by Louise Haye. Good luck to you and god bless.
) To make a long story short, I didn't go to the hospital, instead I stood there and told my best friend and my fiance that I was scared I was going to hurt them. I felt a little better after I got that out in the open after years of thinking I was crazy and an evil person. The next day I went and got some help from a therapist and ordered the program. I am on my last week now with a coach and I thank my lucky stars that I found it because I no longer have to live in fear and realized that I am the one scaring myself. You see, we are highly sensitve, caring and loving people and are extremely sensitive to anything bad that could happen in this world. We always have to try and make sense out of every thought we have and control the uncontrolable when we really have no control over when we die or when someone else that we love dies. I'm still searhing for some sort of inner peace with this topic and I know it will come with time, I'm not doing this well right now without the help our creator!! If you are doing the program you will learn to let the thoughts come and go and not pay any attention to them and soon they will be far and few. If you ever need to talk you can PM me. I've had EVERY scray thought out there, including scary thought of molesting. You should pick up the book "the imp of the mind and the CD "101 Power Thoughts for Life." by Louise Haye. Good luck to you and god bless.-
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txfirefghter
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The people who do do those things are not normal people with anxiety. They are people with severe mental illnesses such as schitophrenia (sp?) and scociopaths. There is a difference between us and them.
Normal people do have these thoughts. They just don't get stuck on them like we do.
I like you also developed this form of anxiety when I was under alot of stress to....like just having a baby, emergency c-section, lost of job of 14 years and husband cheating on me....yes, all within a very short time of eachother.
The more you become less afraid of the thoughts, and allow them to be there, the less time they will stick around. And it really does help to tell them to someone. Even if this is the only place you feel comfortable doing it.
Normal people do have these thoughts. They just don't get stuck on them like we do.
I like you also developed this form of anxiety when I was under alot of stress to....like just having a baby, emergency c-section, lost of job of 14 years and husband cheating on me....yes, all within a very short time of eachother.
The more you become less afraid of the thoughts, and allow them to be there, the less time they will stick around. And it really does help to tell them to someone. Even if this is the only place you feel comfortable doing it.
Hi girls,
thank you so much for your replies!! I´m so glad we have this board here to help each other.
Here in Germany you hardly find any information about theses things, not books or internet information. Only about people who can´t help but controlling the stove or washing their hands a thousand times, you know (oh I remember having the stove thing, too years ago...)
I think it´s all about control, guilt and responsability....
Dear Jen, thank you for your long post, honey!
I wanted to write you a PM, but when I had finished it (with the help of my dictionary), it was gone! Aaarrggghhh!
However, I can totally relate to your story. I also used to worry about my Mum constantly, all of my life. I wasn´t aware of it and that it is sick to feel responsible for the parents as a kid. Just a few years ago I realized that and leanrned how to let that go.
My parents got divorced when I was very little, and I was brought up with fear and the conviction that the world is a dangerous place, that I´m always the victim and everybody can hurt me. I never learned to defend myself or to stand up for myself. I always tried to be the nice girl and not be e a burden, cause Mommie was such a weak and sensitive person. She was ill very often, and I was always afraid of losing her. Also she had several unhappy relationships and I suffered with her, for her. I was her crying towel for years and had a stronger relationship to her than to my husband or any other person.
When she was in her thirties, she developed an anxiety disorder, too.
However, she wasn´t that weak as I thought, and she always did what she wanted, even if it was destructive.
This is the background of my anxiety history, and feeling responsible for everything and of course being overwhelmed by this was one of the results.
By the way, I also still sleep with a teddy bear! I bought a big cuddly polar bear that I can squeeze at night, since I´am alone.
Today I experienced something weird that was an eye-opener to me: I was in a little supermarket, it was busy and the gangways were narrow. My shopping cart was in the way, not totally, but a man came along and pushed it aside. Therefore I jammed my finger. I made a noise of protest, and he aggressivly blustered at me, something about the cart being in the way, I didn´t even understand. Then I had to pass him by, and he stood there, continued to bluster, but in such an aggressive way that I got afraid. He was staring at me, only waiting for me to respond, and his rage was out of proportion to the whole thing, so I just looked at him and said nothing.
I was convinced that he would have attacked me physically if I had said anything! Normally I would have argued with him, but this was so scary, you know when you stand in front of a person who isn´t "normal", and I thought: there are really crazy people out there!
This man really seemed to be a walking bomb waiting to explode.... and I realized that I don´t have to compare myself with such a weirdo! (right word? I asked my internet dictionary)
Has anyone of you also experienced situation that made you see yourself as a normal person again?
thank you so much for your replies!! I´m so glad we have this board here to help each other.
Here in Germany you hardly find any information about theses things, not books or internet information. Only about people who can´t help but controlling the stove or washing their hands a thousand times, you know (oh I remember having the stove thing, too years ago...)
I think it´s all about control, guilt and responsability....
Dear Jen, thank you for your long post, honey!
I wanted to write you a PM, but when I had finished it (with the help of my dictionary), it was gone! Aaarrggghhh!
However, I can totally relate to your story. I also used to worry about my Mum constantly, all of my life. I wasn´t aware of it and that it is sick to feel responsible for the parents as a kid. Just a few years ago I realized that and leanrned how to let that go.
My parents got divorced when I was very little, and I was brought up with fear and the conviction that the world is a dangerous place, that I´m always the victim and everybody can hurt me. I never learned to defend myself or to stand up for myself. I always tried to be the nice girl and not be e a burden, cause Mommie was such a weak and sensitive person. She was ill very often, and I was always afraid of losing her. Also she had several unhappy relationships and I suffered with her, for her. I was her crying towel for years and had a stronger relationship to her than to my husband or any other person.
When she was in her thirties, she developed an anxiety disorder, too.
However, she wasn´t that weak as I thought, and she always did what she wanted, even if it was destructive.
This is the background of my anxiety history, and feeling responsible for everything and of course being overwhelmed by this was one of the results.
By the way, I also still sleep with a teddy bear! I bought a big cuddly polar bear that I can squeeze at night, since I´am alone.
Today I experienced something weird that was an eye-opener to me: I was in a little supermarket, it was busy and the gangways were narrow. My shopping cart was in the way, not totally, but a man came along and pushed it aside. Therefore I jammed my finger. I made a noise of protest, and he aggressivly blustered at me, something about the cart being in the way, I didn´t even understand. Then I had to pass him by, and he stood there, continued to bluster, but in such an aggressive way that I got afraid. He was staring at me, only waiting for me to respond, and his rage was out of proportion to the whole thing, so I just looked at him and said nothing.
I was convinced that he would have attacked me physically if I had said anything! Normally I would have argued with him, but this was so scary, you know when you stand in front of a person who isn´t "normal", and I thought: there are really crazy people out there!
This man really seemed to be a walking bomb waiting to explode.... and I realized that I don´t have to compare myself with such a weirdo! (right word? I asked my internet dictionary)
Has anyone of you also experienced situation that made you see yourself as a normal person again?
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Guest
Scary thoughts are the product of an overactive, overtired mind. They are not who you are. EVERYONE has these thoughts we just tend to dwell on our every thought. I have had horrible thoughts about hurting my kids, etc, I have had anxiety/OCD since I was 14, I am now 31. I have been able to basically overcome them with the program, however, I have noticed that it gets much worse during that time of the month. You know that you would never hurt your child. You asked if we ever have moments where we feel like a normal person, the answer is yes. Every time somebody does wrong to your child and you protect that child you know right then that you are a good parent and you would never cause them harm, because you would go to any lengths to protect them from being hurt by anyone. You just have to learn to pick out the good instead of just focusing on the bad thoughts. It really does just take alot of practice.
Chrystal
Chrystal
My scary obsessive thoughts started when I was about 7 or 8 and have been on and off since then (am now 31). I have probably had every scary thought you can think of I am sure. When I was little they were about my dad because he was the closest person to me. Then when I got older and had a boyfriend, they were about him. Then when my brother and sister had children whom I loved more than anything, the thoughts were about harming them. Now I am married and have a child of my own who are my life, the thoughts are about losing them somehow. This site helps out alot and just knowing others out there understand and go through the same things makes such a difference. My dad used to tell me that psychopaths don't worry that they will go crazy or hurt people, they just do it. So the fact that our thoughts cause us such pain and fear is major proof that we are pretty normal.
"If nothing ever changed...there would be no Butterflies." Author unknown
I've gone through a variety of distressing obsessions through out my life. Some of the worst were fears that I had contracted AIDS, that I have somehow caused physical harm to someone, fear of having a heart attack, fear over loss of salvation. I've been through so many, but I feel like through my faith in Christ, it gets me through everything. I've had a lot of great friends and a good therapist help me through the hard times as well.