Sure.
Sometimes when something traumatic happens in our past we block it out because it is tooo painful but then we get this strange urges or feelings and we don't know why. Sometimes they are this past event starting to come up.
Now this may not be you but I've heard of some guys who worry they might be gay and they get these obsessions and they're actually straight but they've been sexually abused....and their mind is trying to put them back into that situation in order for them to solve it and move on.
Mike
HOCD/ Gay worriers
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NinjaFrodo
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Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
i have never been raped, although i do remember being taken adavntage of a little by my cousin, but she was a girl and we were the same age and all she did was kiss me.
however i do remember a VERY traumatic experience when i was about 15.
i had been having the wierd gay thoughts for a few months and i was out with some friends. the thoughts were strong at this point but they were still seen by me as just these wierd gay thoughts that didnt feel good and wouldnt go away.
but one day i was out with my friends and long story short he told me that i had something in common with a very gay person at school and he and my other friend were teasing me the entire time about it.
finally when i got home i couldnt eat or sleep and was very suicidal because it was like the wierd gay thoughts i was having were true and i was going to be made fun of because of them.
so my two biggest fears in life had merged. the fear of being made fun of and these wierd unexplainable gay thoughts had merged and it was like two freight trains slamming into me at oince.
i literally felt like commiting suicide for a month or two. ym hair fell out and i lost all will to live because it was like my fears of being gay and made fun of were tru
so i guess that was the traumatic experience
however i do remember a VERY traumatic experience when i was about 15.
i had been having the wierd gay thoughts for a few months and i was out with some friends. the thoughts were strong at this point but they were still seen by me as just these wierd gay thoughts that didnt feel good and wouldnt go away.
but one day i was out with my friends and long story short he told me that i had something in common with a very gay person at school and he and my other friend were teasing me the entire time about it.
finally when i got home i couldnt eat or sleep and was very suicidal because it was like the wierd gay thoughts i was having were true and i was going to be made fun of because of them.
so my two biggest fears in life had merged. the fear of being made fun of and these wierd unexplainable gay thoughts had merged and it was like two freight trains slamming into me at oince.
i literally felt like commiting suicide for a month or two. ym hair fell out and i lost all will to live because it was like my fears of being gay and made fun of were tru
so i guess that was the traumatic experience
OK Trin:
Please jump ahead to session 8 on obsessive thinking. This is important because I feel that you are just chasing your tail with this thought. It is an obsession....just an obsession. Just a thought that got stuck one day when you were vulnerable and feeling sensitized. Then reinforced by your mind with such an emotional impact to it when your buddies were teasing you. It's time you recogonize this thought for what it is and it is ONLY an obsession. Has nothing to do with reality. When you throw your hands up in the air and say "who cares...thoughts come and do your worse" and you really don't care any more because you just let the thoughts stay in your mind without giving them any fuel....the emotional response....then they will pass and you will have peace. This thought is only a thought...nothing more. Please listen to the obsessive thought CD and listen to it over and over again. Sometimes you have to jump ahead for a moment in this program. I did once and it helped me out because I had too much "what ifs" and I had to get through a doctor's apt. Good luck...and keep us posted. Hang in there, these thoughts will go away. It is just another manifestation of anxiety.
Lynn
Please jump ahead to session 8 on obsessive thinking. This is important because I feel that you are just chasing your tail with this thought. It is an obsession....just an obsession. Just a thought that got stuck one day when you were vulnerable and feeling sensitized. Then reinforced by your mind with such an emotional impact to it when your buddies were teasing you. It's time you recogonize this thought for what it is and it is ONLY an obsession. Has nothing to do with reality. When you throw your hands up in the air and say "who cares...thoughts come and do your worse" and you really don't care any more because you just let the thoughts stay in your mind without giving them any fuel....the emotional response....then they will pass and you will have peace. This thought is only a thought...nothing more. Please listen to the obsessive thought CD and listen to it over and over again. Sometimes you have to jump ahead for a moment in this program. I did once and it helped me out because I had too much "what ifs" and I had to get through a doctor's apt. Good luck...and keep us posted. Hang in there, these thoughts will go away. It is just another manifestation of anxiety.
Lynn
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NinjaFrodo
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Sidd i know you mean well but jumping ahead in the program and skipping is well basically skipping out on the accomplishments that come from building on the prior lessons.
I also don't feel that saying 100% that it is just a scary thought without knowing the situation 100% is a very helpful thing either.
Trin
Wierd gay thoughts don't just come out of nowhere. There is usually something behind it. Maybe it isn't some sexual abuse...it could be even from hearing about someone else being in that situation or even watching something on tv...who knows.
I had the teasing thing myself...i had friend's over at my place and I had a poster of Xena Warrior Princess on my wall and I got teased for that and i got teased on my school bus about being gay myself. I do know what that is like and ya it is traumatic...I'm really sorry you had it as bad as you did. I've had those wierd gay thoughts too...I was afraid that people could actually tell that i had them.
My advice is to work through the program...and especially lesson 3...when you have the thought write it down on paper like maybe....
I'm really worried because i'm having these wierd gay thoughts again and I don't know why
And then work with it....Accept that you are having them and it's alright...it doesn't make you any less of a person nor does it mean anything factual...they are thoughts. As you keep going with the program and the relaxation cd then you'll be less and less afraid of them and then you may either figure out why you're having them or they may go away completely.
Neways you need to figure out your own way of replacing them so they make you feel better...and it may take some time but i can guarantee it will get better...I'm basing this on my own experience.
Mike
I also don't feel that saying 100% that it is just a scary thought without knowing the situation 100% is a very helpful thing either.
Trin
Wierd gay thoughts don't just come out of nowhere. There is usually something behind it. Maybe it isn't some sexual abuse...it could be even from hearing about someone else being in that situation or even watching something on tv...who knows.
I had the teasing thing myself...i had friend's over at my place and I had a poster of Xena Warrior Princess on my wall and I got teased for that and i got teased on my school bus about being gay myself. I do know what that is like and ya it is traumatic...I'm really sorry you had it as bad as you did. I've had those wierd gay thoughts too...I was afraid that people could actually tell that i had them.
My advice is to work through the program...and especially lesson 3...when you have the thought write it down on paper like maybe....
I'm really worried because i'm having these wierd gay thoughts again and I don't know why
And then work with it....Accept that you are having them and it's alright...it doesn't make you any less of a person nor does it mean anything factual...they are thoughts. As you keep going with the program and the relaxation cd then you'll be less and less afraid of them and then you may either figure out why you're having them or they may go away completely.
Neways you need to figure out your own way of replacing them so they make you feel better...and it may take some time but i can guarantee it will get better...I'm basing this on my own experience.
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
Ninja....I don't ever want to imply that people just skip ahead...that's not what my suggestion was. It was to listen to the session on obsessive thoughts. If that is how I came across, it was not my intention. I understand the importance of building on each session. I was having a horrible time with a doctor's apt. early in the program and by listening to a future CD on what ifing...I was able to get myself successfully to the doctors without panic. I stayed on course with the program. Trin is having a very difficult time with his obsession and regardless of where it came from...it sounds like he is in alot of pain with it. When we are able to sit with the obsession and allow it to be, then we can begin the healing process. I think the session on obsessive behavior teaches us that and perhaps by having this session available to him, he would benefit from listening to it. I personally have struggled with obsessions and find them to be the most uncomfortable aspect of this condition.
i want to thank you all for your help
Ninja, im trying to understand what you mean when you say the gay thoughts just didnt appear from nowhere.
When they started in the beginning they were just very small thoughts. the phrase "he's cute" stuck in my head for some reason and my brain wouldnt let it go. it wasnt because i noticed a guy and thought i liked him. if that were the case then i would have thought guys were cute all my life and it wouldnt have started in 10th grade.
i have a history of obsessive thoughts that just seem to appear from nowhere and snowball into things much bigger, a proven history of this
it was a tiny little thought that snowballed into somethin very strong.
it did come on during a time in my life where i was experiencing alot of emotional ups and downs. id feel myself go up and down, depressed and ok each day. so maybe that had something to do with it.
Ninja, im trying to understand what you mean when you say the gay thoughts just didnt appear from nowhere.
When they started in the beginning they were just very small thoughts. the phrase "he's cute" stuck in my head for some reason and my brain wouldnt let it go. it wasnt because i noticed a guy and thought i liked him. if that were the case then i would have thought guys were cute all my life and it wouldnt have started in 10th grade.
i have a history of obsessive thoughts that just seem to appear from nowhere and snowball into things much bigger, a proven history of this
it was a tiny little thought that snowballed into somethin very strong.
it did come on during a time in my life where i was experiencing alot of emotional ups and downs. id feel myself go up and down, depressed and ok each day. so maybe that had something to do with it.
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NinjaFrodo
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Possibly. Sometimes it is difficult to say...maybe this obsessive thought was just something your mind conjured up as one of the worst case senarios...as you had mentioned you were afraid of being picked on and gay people get picked on prolly the worst out there. Anyways it may become more evident once you reach lesson 8.
Mike
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
Trin - I've been observing this post and I want you to know something - from what you have been writing there is nothing from your past that has triggered this fear, this concern about being gay. It doesn't matter what you've seen on tv or read in magazines. Your phobic mind grabbed onto it and that's all there is to that.
Being phobic, our minds are very creative and because you add sensitivity to this any tiny thought can trigger anxiety if you let it. There is nothing you have to dig up in order to heal from this, Trin. Nothing. All you need to do is practice being unaffected by the thoughts and the feelings. Practice watching your thoughts come and go instead of resisting them. You are not gay. You will never be gay. YOUR THOUGHTS ARE NOT A CALL TO ACTION. They are just thoughts. Thin air. It is up to you how affected you are by them. When you no longer give a hoot one way or the other if you have these thoughts they will subside and you will beable to dismiss them easily without any emotional attachment. You must prove this to yourself. You may need to practice exposure therapy. If you choose this route, I highly recommend Dr. Howard Liebgold's book, Freedom from Fear.
But stop digging for "the why" you have these thoughts. You have them because you have a creative, phobic mind and it thinks of everything and anything. You aren't the first man who has commented on if another man is cute or not. Another woman sees a beautiful woman and she doesn't think she is a lesbian. But you must prove this to your brain.
A good way to heal this is to write a worst case scenerio about what you fear. Do not try to fix anything. Just write a horrible scenerio making it as awful as you can. Scare the peejeebers out of yourself. Then read it daily for 45 minutes. You will come away unaffected and being gay will no longer be a fear of yours. Write for about twenty minutes.
Another thing - Sidd is right. Feel free to skip to Session 10 at this time. Then go back to where you left off and continue the tapes in sequence. You will not lose momentum by reading a session that will benefit right now.
Do the work. Peace will come.
Being phobic, our minds are very creative and because you add sensitivity to this any tiny thought can trigger anxiety if you let it. There is nothing you have to dig up in order to heal from this, Trin. Nothing. All you need to do is practice being unaffected by the thoughts and the feelings. Practice watching your thoughts come and go instead of resisting them. You are not gay. You will never be gay. YOUR THOUGHTS ARE NOT A CALL TO ACTION. They are just thoughts. Thin air. It is up to you how affected you are by them. When you no longer give a hoot one way or the other if you have these thoughts they will subside and you will beable to dismiss them easily without any emotional attachment. You must prove this to yourself. You may need to practice exposure therapy. If you choose this route, I highly recommend Dr. Howard Liebgold's book, Freedom from Fear.
But stop digging for "the why" you have these thoughts. You have them because you have a creative, phobic mind and it thinks of everything and anything. You aren't the first man who has commented on if another man is cute or not. Another woman sees a beautiful woman and she doesn't think she is a lesbian. But you must prove this to your brain.
A good way to heal this is to write a worst case scenerio about what you fear. Do not try to fix anything. Just write a horrible scenerio making it as awful as you can. Scare the peejeebers out of yourself. Then read it daily for 45 minutes. You will come away unaffected and being gay will no longer be a fear of yours. Write for about twenty minutes.
Another thing - Sidd is right. Feel free to skip to Session 10 at this time. Then go back to where you left off and continue the tapes in sequence. You will not lose momentum by reading a session that will benefit right now.
Do the work. Peace will come.
"Life is not about comfort. It is about living." Dr. Howard Liebgold