Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your replies.
Dodger i do see where you are coming from i'm certainly not lacking any love and my husband has been so suuportive since i've been ill.
I agree its tiring having a baby etc etc but the last thing on my mind is love making when i'm having these awful thoughts and all i can think about is the thoughts i do get anxious when it comes to love making and my husband is aware of it.
I know that i personally need to put my husband first and stop dwelling on me as its been me for and year now and believe me i want to give my husband attention and be like we used to be but its very hard when i've got these huge burdon hanging over me and i sometimes feel that my husband might be fed up and leave me because of my OCD as there is only so much that someone can put up with.
I am going to try and have a really good week next week i will take into account Boon everything that you have said breathing etc. Would really like to do program but worried that i will undo all the work that i've done with my therapist and that it may be a different approach and it might make me worse.
x
Another bad week with horrible sexual thoughts
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Guest
Hey hon,
I used to get scary thoughts too. I still do sometimes, but I'm able to deal with them so much better. 3.5 weeks ago I flew across the country, my second time ever and it'd been a few years since I'd first flown. I was horrified that my thoughts would lead to a full blown panic attack. A few days before the flight, I started trying to let the thoughts float in my head and out my ears (someone had suggested it in a book or something). It worked! Every time I had a thought that the plane was going to crash or that I would have a panic attack, I just said, "OK this is just a thought, it's not physical, it's just a thought caused by anxiety because I'm nervous right now."
I did really well and then on our connecting flight from Vegas to San Jose, I started thinking, "What if I just get up and try to break through the door and I fall down to the ground." Of course I pictured it happening and the feeling of free falling to my death. I was so caught up in the fear for a minute that it really started scaring me. Then I pictured myself (on purpose) running down the aisles trying to jump over people's seats yelling, "I'm flying, I'm flying!" It made me smile and helped me to see that it is JUST a thought!
2 months ago I had a scary sexual thought at church and haven't gone back since. I thought, "what if the pastor wants to have an affair with me!?" I don't want to have an affair and am sure he doesn't either. But it scared me, I had a panic attack and left. I am not attracted to the pastor at all, very much in love with my husband of 6 years, but the thought scared me because then I thought, God is going to punish me for thinking that!
I know it's hard to think straight when your mind is scaring you, but they are only thoughts and the fact that they frighten you means you are sane and you are not going to follow through with them! Child molestors like thinking about children in that way, the thoughts don't scare them.
Take care, you are a good mom and you are just recovering from anxiety, nothing more...
Ocean
I used to get scary thoughts too. I still do sometimes, but I'm able to deal with them so much better. 3.5 weeks ago I flew across the country, my second time ever and it'd been a few years since I'd first flown. I was horrified that my thoughts would lead to a full blown panic attack. A few days before the flight, I started trying to let the thoughts float in my head and out my ears (someone had suggested it in a book or something). It worked! Every time I had a thought that the plane was going to crash or that I would have a panic attack, I just said, "OK this is just a thought, it's not physical, it's just a thought caused by anxiety because I'm nervous right now."
I did really well and then on our connecting flight from Vegas to San Jose, I started thinking, "What if I just get up and try to break through the door and I fall down to the ground." Of course I pictured it happening and the feeling of free falling to my death. I was so caught up in the fear for a minute that it really started scaring me. Then I pictured myself (on purpose) running down the aisles trying to jump over people's seats yelling, "I'm flying, I'm flying!" It made me smile and helped me to see that it is JUST a thought!
2 months ago I had a scary sexual thought at church and haven't gone back since. I thought, "what if the pastor wants to have an affair with me!?" I don't want to have an affair and am sure he doesn't either. But it scared me, I had a panic attack and left. I am not attracted to the pastor at all, very much in love with my husband of 6 years, but the thought scared me because then I thought, God is going to punish me for thinking that!
I know it's hard to think straight when your mind is scaring you, but they are only thoughts and the fact that they frighten you means you are sane and you are not going to follow through with them! Child molestors like thinking about children in that way, the thoughts don't scare them.
Take care, you are a good mom and you are just recovering from anxiety, nothing more...
Ocean
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Guest
Hello Ocean,
Thank you so much for your reply it really does help. Had a funny week really my little girl has been ill so i gave her a cool bath as my sister told me to and i wrapped her in a towel. The thoughts came flooding in and i felt sick. Then for some reason i felt really scared if i had blown a rapsberry on the front of my little girl i knew i hadn't but then i kept thinking if i did do this would this be classed as a sexual act i asked for reassurance from my mum and everyone and i did feel a bit better.
Some days i really think i've cracked it but then i get set back again. Everyone is prob thinking i write the same all the time but i could never live with myself if i hurt her. I know exposure is the key but when i do exposure i had to make myself feel sick otherwise i'm not satisfied that i'm not like that. Is this the right way to do exposure any help would be much appreciated. I know you have to deliberately think the thought but when i don't feel sick i have to keep doing it
Thank you so much for your reply it really does help. Had a funny week really my little girl has been ill so i gave her a cool bath as my sister told me to and i wrapped her in a towel. The thoughts came flooding in and i felt sick. Then for some reason i felt really scared if i had blown a rapsberry on the front of my little girl i knew i hadn't but then i kept thinking if i did do this would this be classed as a sexual act i asked for reassurance from my mum and everyone and i did feel a bit better.
Some days i really think i've cracked it but then i get set back again. Everyone is prob thinking i write the same all the time but i could never live with myself if i hurt her. I know exposure is the key but when i do exposure i had to make myself feel sick otherwise i'm not satisfied that i'm not like that. Is this the right way to do exposure any help would be much appreciated. I know you have to deliberately think the thought but when i don't feel sick i have to keep doing it
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Guest
Hi,
Yes, keep doing the exposure and putting the lie to the thoughts. If you have the thought, tell yourself the truth. Think something like, "I am a wonderful mom, I love my little girl so much and I would do anything to protect her, she's my little angel". When the neg thought comes, let it dance around in your head, if you feel the adrenaline start, relax your body immediately. Sometimes I even smile, even when I don't want to, it seems to help. Imagine the thought just floating out of your ears, don't read anything into the thought. Say, "It's OK to have scary thoughts, they are from this disorder, but I am working hard to overcome this disorder." Once I was in a store and started getting the familiar dizziness and I thought, 'oh, no, here it comes..." I then thought, "Wonderful, what a fantastic opportunity, alright anxiety, go ahead, I'm waiting, I can't wait to practice." And it never got bad because I wasn't afraid of it. You could try the same with the thoughts. "OK, fantastic! I get to practice with these negative thoughts." Don't get upset if you have a thought, they will not stop immediately, keep underreacting and noticing how you never act on the thought and they will go away. It's like an itch, the more you itch it, the redder it gets and the more itchier. Leave it alone and it heals faster.
Take care and keep us updated, good for you to practice and give that baby a kiss for me!
Ocean
Yes, keep doing the exposure and putting the lie to the thoughts. If you have the thought, tell yourself the truth. Think something like, "I am a wonderful mom, I love my little girl so much and I would do anything to protect her, she's my little angel". When the neg thought comes, let it dance around in your head, if you feel the adrenaline start, relax your body immediately. Sometimes I even smile, even when I don't want to, it seems to help. Imagine the thought just floating out of your ears, don't read anything into the thought. Say, "It's OK to have scary thoughts, they are from this disorder, but I am working hard to overcome this disorder." Once I was in a store and started getting the familiar dizziness and I thought, 'oh, no, here it comes..." I then thought, "Wonderful, what a fantastic opportunity, alright anxiety, go ahead, I'm waiting, I can't wait to practice." And it never got bad because I wasn't afraid of it. You could try the same with the thoughts. "OK, fantastic! I get to practice with these negative thoughts." Don't get upset if you have a thought, they will not stop immediately, keep underreacting and noticing how you never act on the thought and they will go away. It's like an itch, the more you itch it, the redder it gets and the more itchier. Leave it alone and it heals faster.
Take care and keep us updated, good for you to practice and give that baby a kiss for me!
Ocean
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Guest
Crazycakes, A good example of exposure would be:
You are in the park with your daughter and you get a thought of hurting her. You instantly want to get home to your safety zone and sit in a corner and dwell on this thought by reversing its message over and over. Your first instinct is to reassure yourself that you will not do anything. What would be recommended is that you stay put - stay at the park and continue to do whatever you are doing there. Once and gently remind yourself that "the thoughts are not you. They are a symptom of obsessive scary thinking and nothing more". Continue to stay at the park with your daughter and experience all those scary feelings while using your breath work. When thought tries to claim you again, just bring your attention back to what you are doing at the park. You can soothe yourself from time to time. Remind yourself that the scare voice ALWAYS lies. ALWAYS. Don't leave the park until YOU ARE READY TO.
You will need to expose many times and is really good to have a support person you can share with and turn to while you are doing this.
This is an example. There are many other examples for other situations. Figure out other ways to expose. Go slowly and be gentle with yourself. You're on the way to getting better.
And, no, your therapist has not misdiagnosed you. That's just another symptom of the scare voice. Tell it to "buzz off".
You are in the park with your daughter and you get a thought of hurting her. You instantly want to get home to your safety zone and sit in a corner and dwell on this thought by reversing its message over and over. Your first instinct is to reassure yourself that you will not do anything. What would be recommended is that you stay put - stay at the park and continue to do whatever you are doing there. Once and gently remind yourself that "the thoughts are not you. They are a symptom of obsessive scary thinking and nothing more". Continue to stay at the park with your daughter and experience all those scary feelings while using your breath work. When thought tries to claim you again, just bring your attention back to what you are doing at the park. You can soothe yourself from time to time. Remind yourself that the scare voice ALWAYS lies. ALWAYS. Don't leave the park until YOU ARE READY TO.
You will need to expose many times and is really good to have a support person you can share with and turn to while you are doing this.
This is an example. There are many other examples for other situations. Figure out other ways to expose. Go slowly and be gentle with yourself. You're on the way to getting better.
And, no, your therapist has not misdiagnosed you. That's just another symptom of the scare voice. Tell it to "buzz off".