HIV anxiety

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat May 03, 2008 2:05 am

I know about the what if's. Don't do that to yourself. (Funny, I can say that, but can't always follow my own advise)
That's one of my problems, I feel that the world is against me, nothing good can happen it all has to be bad. Then sometimes I stop and have to actually realize all the good I have, and it helps a bit. I have blessings, and loved ones. The problem is the nasty thoughts are trained to be in the forefront, taking over the good ones. Thats the real struggle isn't it?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat May 03, 2008 2:15 am

haha - Yes I have the perpetual need to panic!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jun 15, 2008 1:58 am

I remember thinking back as a child & obsessing over thoughts that I could possibly have many different illnesses & this was one of them.

It's almost as if I only felt comfortable when I obsessed about thinking of a problem/issue & figuring out ways to dispute this belief in my head. Call me crazy!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jun 19, 2008 9:33 am

I used to have the same fear. When I was in 8th Grade I would avoid public toilets, anyone with a scratch on their hand, etc etc because I was terrified of getting AIDS. I probably had come up with 100 scenarios about how I might have been exposed to the virus, none of them were valid. I even avoided contact with other people because I was afraid they'd get my imaginary AIDs.

Eventually I was so worn out from obsessing about contamination that I realized I would rather have a disease like AIDS then live a miserable life worrying about it.

I now know that getting AIDs through some radical twist of events is a VERY scary scenario...one I CREATED in my head, now whenever that thought comes up I mentally just put it in my "scary thought box"..I even commend myself for the creativity it took me to come up with the scenario..but I never let that thought have any power because thats all it is..an irrational fear.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jun 27, 2008 8:09 am

Hello Sara 32 ,

I have read your story and i have suffered from the same. At the moment my problem is violent sexual thoughts but i've had this one too.

A few years ago i had to have my appendix out which was fine. I went to use the hospital toilet and there was blood on the seat i started to panic and thought i didn't get near that blood did i? Then when i get back to my bed i was looking around the ward to see if anyone looked like that might have Aids. Most of the patients were elderly but there was this one girl who worried me i know you should'nt judge people but it was just my OCD.

Anyway i got out of hospital and i felt ok. I was in town a few days after and i saw a boy who worked in Gap with a plaster on his finger i starting having images that i got near his cut and it all started again. This carried on for a while even at work i would only go in toilets that looked clean. If there was a wrapper from a tampon or anything i wouldn't use it. I would scan the toilets for syringes, tampons you name it and i used to sit on the toilet and think i haven't moved anywhere so nothing can harm me. If i'm honest Sara i've had OCD all my life when you look back you realise of things that seemed so scary but believe me you will laugh at this. I don't think your irrational you have OCD thats it. The thoughts to you seem to bad but to others without OCD it probably seems really strange. I wouldn't wish OCD on my worst enermy. Anyway these horrible thoughts carried on until i got pregnant and then it went again. Then bam as soon as i had my daughter these horrible thoughts started. I'm not letting this ruin my life though this website has given me so much encouragement and life is too short i have realised. We've all got so much to live for.

xxx