It is very difficult for me to be assertive. I am a people pleaser and look to others for validation. It is important to me that people like me at all cost. I also see myself as a victim. I've been in many social situations where I felt like my opinion didn't matter unless it was to agree with what others were saying. I remain quiet most of the time and feel awkward. After a while, I refuse to look people in the eye and just sit there.
Is this just another fear in my mind? I think that even if I can speak up, I just know I won't be able to say it right. I listen to what I say and how weak I sound and feel stupid, even when I know I'm not. Because I'm not as eloquent as others I should just keep quiet. The only way for me to maintain friendships is to keep them appeased no matter what I think. I then resent my friends and start to burn bridges.
Walk All Over Me
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feelingbetter01
- Posts: 30
- Joined: Thu Mar 14, 2013 2:09 pm
Re: Walk All Over Me
I've been worried about this Session as I am extremely passive aggressive. I have mastered the art of getting what I want without being responsible for the asking. I'm terrified to ask for things, even things I truly need. I am becoming aware that this is a blame issue for me. If something goes wrong, I can't accept blame because I see that as criticism. I can't be criticized because I don't make mistakes. Only stupid people make mistakes, and I absolutely must not be stupid!
Being able to identify my defeatist mentality has been a big help. I can change my negative perception that I ridiculously justified as logical. It is actually illogical to be self incriminating! I am human and making mistakes is part of the package. It is not stupid, especially if I become smarter by learning from my mishaps. That's logical!
It's almost like going through a maze and coming to a dead-end. Instead of wallowing in the fact that we made a wrong turn somewhere, it serves us better to accept that backtracking is a completely acceptable part of the plan to get out of the maze. Correcting our wrong turns is itself courageous and opportunistic. Dealing with our mistakes is where true pride lies. "Hey, look what I was able to overcome!" With this knowledge, I won't be afraid to speak up. I can do this knowing perfection and failure are illusions.
Being able to identify my defeatist mentality has been a big help. I can change my negative perception that I ridiculously justified as logical. It is actually illogical to be self incriminating! I am human and making mistakes is part of the package. It is not stupid, especially if I become smarter by learning from my mishaps. That's logical!
It's almost like going through a maze and coming to a dead-end. Instead of wallowing in the fact that we made a wrong turn somewhere, it serves us better to accept that backtracking is a completely acceptable part of the plan to get out of the maze. Correcting our wrong turns is itself courageous and opportunistic. Dealing with our mistakes is where true pride lies. "Hey, look what I was able to overcome!" With this knowledge, I won't be afraid to speak up. I can do this knowing perfection and failure are illusions.
Re: Walk All Over Me
You can do it. Use the stuff from Chapter 3 (positive self-talk) and that will help you with assertiveness.
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lockdo
Re: Walk All Over Me
I feel like that. When people ask me for stuff, they expect me to be a "yes" person. However, they are the same ones who will look at you funny for telling them no. That is just aggravating to me. I ask myself, "What is that?"