Realizing about friendships/social anxiety

[keepsmilin]

Hey there...whoever is reading this...

I am in Session 7 and recently...I'd say around Session 6...I started to remember that I already knew I was anxious and had down days and stuff back in the day..like starting at age 7. I have been reminded of that now.

But during Session 6 and 7, I have been clarifying to myself that I, in fact, had childhood anxiety and sadness. It was depressing being anxious..but I wouldn't say at all that I was a depressed child.

What I wanted to know from whoever is reading this...is.. Anyone out there super anxious and slightly sad and depressed over friendships? I feel that I have nooo time for friends barely..and when I do..they're busy and don't have time either. I am a social butterfly who has no time to socialize because I work two jobs and I am a Singer/Songwriter and I am sooo busy launching my musical career. It is going well and I am accomplishing lots; however, I am finding it hard to balance work, this program, music, and social life. I tend to get sad at night and think "who is my best friend?" "what is everyone doing?" and I feel left out.

I know that I chose to be a gypsy/hippie and move around and gig and record and choose career over instant gratification and I barely drink and socialize because I am sooo focused on career. My amazing musical friends don't live in my town...(some musical acquaintances do) and I miss them. I connected with them MORE than anyone..possibly because they are all musicians and possibly because I met them in college and we went through soo much together....

On the contrary... I love jumping in with the good friends I DO have here and the ones from high school...but I don't feel the same connection at all. This is okay..but I do feel alone and lonely and it's hard...


I was up in my room tonight feeling sad....so I was like ok I need to go downstairs and hang with my parents. I made plans for Friday and Sunday and I will be getting social, but I find it hard to balance and also feel content most of the time.

Anyone else out there?

Should I be sticking with the ppl I feel the most content with.... or shoot high and aim far and try to feel content with the ppl I don't naturally feel content with? (It's usually in groups I don't feel as content...but one on one I love b'cuz I can ACTUALLY connect with people and talk and discuss and talk deep..) Should I befriend more musicians? I honestly love everybody...I am included in so many circles of people...but sometimes I wonder if I'll ever find a best friend? I am a 5 ( anyone do numerology out there? 5 is my life path) and 5 states that I have casual rather than lifelong friends.. I am definitely okay with this...there are pros and cons to everything in life...I just want tips to feeling more comfortable being a gypsy and then feeling content in my hometown, now that I've been here for almost a year again.

I know that I have a bit of social anxiety too. Depending on the crowd..like I said...certain friends I feel more anxious about going to see than others.

?

Thanks!

[Iwillbebetter]

Keepsmilin - I can relate to the not having time to socialize. I work part time and have 3 kids. I have been feeling a bit down lately to about the whole friend thing. I moved from IL to MN when I was 16, so I don't really have any "childhood" friends any longer. I have also had anxiety since I can remember. So moving at 16 was HARD. I made a couple friends, but kept my distance. Have never really been good at "opening up" to anyone. I have found now that I have over the years "let go" of just about all of my friends. I have one good friend, we've been friends for a little over 6 years, but she lives about 3 hours away and also has 3 kids. Lately I have had a want to have friends. But now it's like where do I even start?!?!? I started going to church about a year ago, and have been starting to feel comfortable there. I've recently started going to different chruch activities, and I'm thinking that will start a couple friendships. I am also thinking of starting a Yoga class or something, then maybe I could make a friend or two while doing that. I think it's best to have variety, a little of this and a little of that. So that is what I would recommend, Stick with the people you are content with, but also start working to be content with those you don't feel as content with!!!
best of luck to you!!

[keepsmilin]

Iwillbebetter

Thanks for the advice! It is muuuuch appreciated


I always had a variety of friendship groups: musicians, soccer friends, basketball friends, and party/sleepover friends. So I agree with you- a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

It's interesting how some of the ppl I feel least content with are my core group of high school friends. My other friends from high school who I wasn't super tight with...I feel more content with. But, like I said, it could also be because I hang out with those people in groups. I notice when I hung out with my friend (who wasn't in my core group) with a few other people, I didn't get anxious really. So...it's got to be just the 1) individuals and 2) the setting in which I feel uncomfortable/comfortable with when we're all together in a group.

I also feel comfortable meeting new people. Like...I embrace new friends. I want to keep this up. Time is something I don't have extra of.. lol. Anyways, thank you, and I will keep trying and learning and observing. I think in time things will fall into place.

As for you, I would agree with you to try to check out Yoga classes and then church activities, and so on and so forth-like you said, a variety of social settings. Within all those versatile activities/settings/situations, you will find someone who you connect with....you'll probably find many!! Good for you and keep it up!

Keep up the good attitude! Keep Smilin! Thanks again!

[Iwillbebetter]

You are most welcome!! Yes I think the setting can deffinatly play a part in our feelings of comfort!! I know I do much better with the one on one than in group settings. The larger the group the more uncomfortable/akward I feel. I think it can be harder to "connect" so to say when it is more of a group setting.
I agree, keep doing what your doing and things will fall into place!!
Thanks I am starting with the church activities. I think I'll do the yoga as soon as school is out for the summer, so my oldest can watch my 2 little ones for me Come this summer I will work more at those skills also, even just saying hi to another mom when with my kids at the park I don't have to make friends everywhere I go, but to just be a little more social Not so shy/reserved
And thank you also keep on keeping on and yes Keepsmillin (it's hard to be mad with a smile on your face!! I read that somewhere to when you are mad, grumpy or anything like that, just smile, even if you don't want to. It does actually change the mood if only just a little!! It really is hard to be mad/sad when smilling!! )

[keepsmilin]

Iwillbebetter

About continuing to smile: I read that, too, about basically "faking (or putting on) a smile and it's hard to stay mad" sorta thing. It must work

I hope your weekend is great and keep up all the hard work! It'll all pay off I can feel my work paying off....I just know more good things are around the corner! for BOTH OF US!

HUGS!!

[perspectivegirl]

Just chiming in to agree with keepsmilin, the "fake it 'til you make it" method surprisingly works for me every time! and I'm horribly stubborn. Makes you realize things.

[keepsmilin]

Awe! Thanks for joining us! I am glad it works for you, too!

[LyndaLu]

I just finished reading a chapter about Friendship from the book
"The 7 Wonders That Will Change Your Life".

People bond when they allow others to know what hasn't
gone well in their lives or what is not currently going well.
They bond when they take chances and reveal their weaknesses and
dissappointments and struggles and fears to one another.
They bond when they summon the courage and faith to tell the truth about their
lives and kindle each other's compassion.

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.


Lynda

[keepsmilin]

Lynda

Thank you. This is very helpful and so moving. I appreciate the post!!! I just might have to read that book one day, too!!

[LyndaLu]

So, I am starting Session Seven. But I have been experiencing a real "down" feeling lately and it has just been lingering for about the past three weeks. I have no motivation and I am bored. I am unemployed and stay at home looking for jobs on the computer. I have no friends or social interaction. I am working on the program but have no one to "practice" on except
my elderly mother that lives here in town or my sister when I talk to her on the phone long distance. I guess I could try to
use my new skills while I am out running errands like grocery shopping and getting my hair cut. If I don't "snap out" of this mood I am going to be getting nowhere fast. I hate to whine, but I have been wearing my "sloppy clothes" for the past three weeks and soon I will be going into week four. A while back I signed up for three, short computer classes which take place this month and I will be "bailing" on all three of them. One of the classes has already taken place and they are a "series" of classes that must be taken in a row.That was the only thing on my "calendar" for the month of April. I even bailed on taking my mom to her doctors appointment because I did not feel well that day. Not much to look forward to right now. I guess April is a bad month for many and for me also. After my relatives left town after a two day visit in late March ( and I celebrated two "anniversaries" ) I just got into a "black hole". My "anniversaries" were April 6th, the 5 year anniversary of a life changing emotional breakdown. And April 8th was my three year anniversary of getting layed off from my job, another major event in my life. Do other people feel this way ? For the first time in a long time I am actually concerned about my emotional health. I had to go to re-apply for my food stamps on Monday, another depressing event. I am so embarrassed that I need assistance in purchasing my food. I never thought I would be in this kind of a mess after losing my job; going on unemployment and receiving "food stamps". I lost my job due to "workforce reduction" but I was also having performance issues in the workplace and my work performance was not even close to being "up to par". That "breakdown" ruined my life. I am stuck in the past and I can't get out! January, February and March 2012 weren't too bad actually. April sucks ! Lynda Lu.