struggling with being assertive

Respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself; your feelings, concerns, and opinions and ask for what you want. Also, learn how to say “no” without feeling guilty
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steve87
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Mar 16, 2009 1:41 pm

struggling with being assertive

Post by steve87 » Mon Jan 30, 2012 2:22 pm

Ever since childhood I was angry and would get reprimanded for expressing my feelings towards my mom and today I have trouble saying what's on my mind and how to say it right so as to not offend someone. Im always afraid the other person will get mad or yell at me like my mom and siblings would do. whenever i do say something to someone on how i feel or what i think, it always comes out wrong and i feel bad but i just don't know how to say things the right way. I really need help in this area so that i don't get stepped on all the time and so that I don't feel like im being used all the time.

Nel01073
Posts: 72
Joined: Sat Oct 15, 2011 2:04 pm

Re: struggling with being assertive

Post by Nel01073 » Mon Jan 30, 2012 2:47 pm

Hi steve Ill be starting this session in a couple of days but I know what you mean. My family gets defensive when I try to talk about a problem. They see it as an attack. I think its important for us to still express how we feel in a respectful manner. I do believe people wont always cooperate but that doesnt mean we shouldnt get it out there. Do it anyway and maybe in time theyll start to see its nothing personal against them. Maybe just start out doing it for yourself to empower you. Good luck.

Iwillbebetter
Posts: 484
Joined: Sun Nov 27, 2011 8:35 am
Location: Minnesota

Re: struggling with being assertive

Post by Iwillbebetter » Mon Jan 30, 2012 3:22 pm

I can really relate to this. I think it has a lot to do with the people pleasing personality so many of us tend to have. Wanting everyone to like us. Don't want anyone to have ANY negative feeling towards us. I am not on that session yet, just starting 6, but I know I will have A LOT of work. I am starting to practice a little now with smaller things. But a lot of it I think is remembering to use I statements as to not "accuse" or get them on the deffensive. I personally plan to get a couple books on assertiveness when I get to that session, I will need a lot of extra help I'm sure!!
Wishing you the best of luck!! You can do it!!
"Only rainbows after rain, the sun will always come again, and it's a cirlce, circling around again it comes around again...."

missobsessive
Posts: 62
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2009 7:20 pm

Re: struggling with being assertive

Post by missobsessive » Fri Apr 06, 2012 8:24 pm

Hi all,

I know this last post if from a couple months ago, but just wanted to share that I bought "The Assertiveness Workbook" by Randy J. Paterson a while ago. It was really helpful in this area, very informative and helps you learn a lot about yourself in this area, which will help you realize what behaviors to work on more.

You might want to look into it!! :D

Iwillbebetter
Posts: 484
Joined: Sun Nov 27, 2011 8:35 am
Location: Minnesota

Re: struggling with being assertive

Post by Iwillbebetter » Sat Apr 07, 2012 9:01 am

Thanks Missobsessive... I had seen that book before and almost got it. I don't remember why I didn't. I am already reading a book and have another one or two in-line, but I think I will check that out also. Assertiveness has always been hard for me :) Thanks for the recommendation :)
"Only rainbows after rain, the sun will always come again, and it's a cirlce, circling around again it comes around again...."

LyndaLu
Posts: 794
Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2010 4:43 pm

Re: struggling with being assertive

Post by LyndaLu » Tue Apr 17, 2012 7:14 pm

Thanks for the book idea. I am just starting Session Seven.
There are so many great book ideas out there I never know where to start !
I have read " FROM PANIC TO POWER ", Lucinda's book.
Then I read " Been There,Done That? DO THIS! " by Sam Obitz.
Now I am reading " The 7 Wonders That Will Change Your Life " by Keith Ablow, MD and Glenn Beck.

Lynda

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