My personal experience with being assertive this week...

Respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself; your feelings, concerns, and opinions and ask for what you want. Also, learn how to say “no” without feeling guilty
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livelife
Posts: 71
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 10:45 am

My personal experience with being assertive this week...

Post by livelife » Wed May 25, 2011 10:49 pm

Hi everyone,
I was in a situation today in which i had to be assertive and I did, but I felt like i wanted to cry.
I was keeping a calm voice and rationally talking except i felt like i really wanted to cry when i said "I felt bad and sad when you said______" this and that and when i did say that i felt sad like as if i wanted to just scream at the person i was talking too and i held back though, but it still felt pretty bad. And for the rest of the day i was annoyed and angry and felt like i SHOULD'VE GOTTEN ANGRY! <//3 UGHH WHAT TO DO?

Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Re: My personal experience with being assertive this week...

Post by Paisleegreen » Sat May 28, 2011 1:57 pm

Hi Livelife, good for you in keeping yourself...calm and asserting your feelings. I know exactly what you mean, thought.
I had to do that with my son with the dishpan episode, but later ended up weeping the whole day afterwards because the loved ones we talk to calmly are not on the same page as we are, so our expectations are high. At least for me, I'm expecting the other "person" to respect what I saying and just oblige me by, Oops, I'm sorry Mom, I shouldn't have tossed that dishpan that you like to use in your double sink for whatever reasons you do." "I'll return it to you immediately."

Nope, that is not the response I got, instead an accusatory tone of voice telling me that I don't do the dishes. WHAT?! :!: :?:
What is this 20 year old baby of the family telling me?! So frustrating... yes, I cried later in my room, called DH to tell him, and he tells me to buy another dishpan....WHAT?!...that is not the point, the point is this son is disrespecting me.

Yes, it can be so frustrating and emotionally painful to be misunderstood...and feel that my feelings and needs aren't important. :(

I hope I'm not off base here on your story, I agree w/ you though...as I was angry, I was angry when I started out as to see my boundaries violated, in so many words. The dishpan was returned, but not until DH was told where it was located over the phone and after DS asked if he could buy some tires for a pick up truck. :x Yes, I think we have a right to be angry,
but we are trying to express ourselves in a calm and assertive manner so that we can get what we want.

Dr Phil had an episode on Angry wives, and scared husbands. It was very interesting...to see how he solved the problem.
Some of the problem was that the wives either had traumatic events happen to them and they are under stress and are very sensitive or anxious. One wife the DR was going to have her have a full medical workup to see if she has any underlying physical problems that make her angry or so picky. Then get some counseling and coping strategies and then a trainer to help her eat better and lose some weight.

Pretty much what we are learning...to exercise, eat healthy and have some good coping strategies and learn ways of good communication. :P

Hope you are feeling better...I finally listened to the Assertiveness CD either again or the first time...as when my sister gave me hers two were missing and I can't recall if #7 was one of them. I have a newer program so the CD is a bit different.

Anyway, you are not alone in feeling this way. Paislee :mrgreen:

livelife
Posts: 71
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 10:45 am

Re: My personal experience with being assertive this week...

Post by livelife » Sun May 29, 2011 1:15 pm

thank you so much paislee!
and h0pe the deal with your son soon disolves! <3
God bless!
thanks again!

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