HOW do you stop worrying about what others think?

Respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself; your feelings, concerns, and opinions and ask for what you want. Also, learn how to say “no” without feeling guilty
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missobsessive
Posts: 62
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2009 7:20 pm

HOW do you stop worrying about what others think?

Post by missobsessive » Sun May 08, 2011 7:33 pm

Hi :D

I've been applying the skills in this program for close to a year now, and I have grown so much. I now have so much insight to my thought processes and how I feel...it's almost unbelievable! I've learned so much about myself.

One thing I've learned is that I have a hard time with worrying about what others think. This goes into the people pleasing. Trying so hard to please everyone so that they don't think or say anything negative about me. I realized that I do/used to do that A LOT. And I never really realized it before.

I've also noticed that I'll sometimes listen to what others say and will hold their opinion over my own..Like their's is more important/better than mine and maybe I should change mine to match theirs because they must be right. :?

AND I've also noticed that I can have a bit of an inferiority complex, especially around certain ppl that I perceive as better than me.

I've been replacing a lot of these negative thoughts with positive ones, and have been able to feel a difference, but they still haunt me. And I sometimes feel like I run out of positive things to say..like I keep saying the same thing over and over again.

But right now I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to let go of worry for what others think? I know that I SHOULDN'T worry about what they think. But I don't know HOW to stop.

Thanks :D

missobsessive
Posts: 62
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2009 7:20 pm

Re: HOW do you stop worrying about what others think?

Post by missobsessive » Tue May 10, 2011 7:38 pm

Anyone? :?

Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Re: HOW do you stop worrying about what others think?

Post by Paisleegreen » Thu May 19, 2011 1:22 pm

Hi Miss Obsessive! I understand completely! I use to be to opinionated and learned that from my family of origin. I learned that some of their opinions was based on their own fears and insecurities. So I've had to learn to control blurted my opinions and yet have a fine line that some of my opinions are valid and to not be fearful of others not liking them. I just had to learn to be respectful and give opinions when asked and give it gracefully.

I still have feelings that other's opinions are more correct, but then I think about it and I think to myself, na...I don't agree! So I don't allow that person's thoughts affect my self worth or that I don't know what I'm talking about. So you are not alone!
Just keep on listening to Lucinda's CDs and read her book. There are other books out there as well to give yourself some positive self talk to help you feel better. Paislee. :mrgreen:

missobsessive
Posts: 62
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2009 7:20 pm

Re: HOW do you stop worrying about what others think?

Post by missobsessive » Thu May 19, 2011 6:29 pm

Thank you paislee :D

I need to work on trusting my own opinion....

And I could also come up with something to say to myself, I guess, when I notice myself starting to worry about what others think. Come up with something positive to replace it with, and just say that every time.

Thanks for your help :D

THH
Posts: 860
Joined: Mon May 10, 2010 10:53 am

Re: HOW do you stop worrying about what others think?

Post by THH » Thu May 19, 2011 10:19 pm

misso,
I liked what Paislee said. Dittos. ( Great job Paislee )
I too have had trouble with "others". One thing I might add is, who is the "others"? For me I had a sister in law who is from a different everything! I had so much trouble with her. She is a city girl who travels, goes to museums, always a very exciting life. I on the other hand I have a farm with animals, live in the country 6 miles from the closest stop light! There was always a part of me who wished I had her life. And when she and I would talk she always made me feel like I wanted to kick my life to the curb. I never could "defend" my life to her. What I realized is she don't know me, (really) does not understand that I do really like my life and choose not to have it any other way. I have learned I don't want to go back to school, ( I always thought I would think better of myself if I had letters after my name) I enjoy nature, and I can walk in my back yard and be in it. I don't need a tour guide to take me there, or spend lots of money. I have worth and I value my choices, I could not of said that a year ago.

I learned that I magnify someone else really big, like their life how wonderful it is, and I make my life out to be little, unimportant. When actually I have come to realize I do have a good life! I am blessed! I also really listen to her and others talk. And pay close attention to what it is they are asking, needing help with. See what the others have that you feel is so much better than what you have? Those are just some of my thoughts.

Hey congratulations on using the program to broaden your life. Sounds like your doing very well!!! ;)

Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Re: HOW do you stop worrying about what others think?

Post by Paisleegreen » Sun May 22, 2011 2:34 am

I Ditto THH as well! Good points, THH, I couldn't have said it better. I am in the same boat, my husband grew a business that is not glamorous but very needed in today's world and it is a service that is repeated. So we always have an income and don't have to worry about someone firing us. My husband's days and nights are mixed up than mine and the world at large, those that work for a corporation. We don't get paid vacation, but we can take time off anytime. My sons and daughter and even future Grandchildren can work in this business. It has afforded us to live on an acre where I have space and can garden to my hearts content.

I live amongst newer and older neighborhoods where they have "rules" and I'm so glad we don't live in a subdivision like that. My husband isn't the type to pay attention to making everything appear neat, I wish he would, but at least he is a hard worker and pays the bills and helps other less fortunate. We've done our travels before our son died and they were wonderful and well deserved, but they were not paid vacations. Anyway, I get the same things with my siblings and so it is so important to figure out what your personality type is, your talents and interest and how much socialization do you want.

It is important to evaluate just what you want in life and what makes you truly happy. I one day mentioned to DH how I would love to have my nails manicured all the time and looking sharp and put together. But my husband brought me back to reality, Man that would be a lot of work. It is true, it would be very exhausting to try and keep up an image like that which really doesn't fit my lifestyle nor do I care. I'm happy with my simple life and the service I give others. My greatest joy is watching my Grandchildren grow and they love to come to my house because it is so Interesting, so many things to do and explore. DGrandaughter came by to earn some money. She learned how to collect the fluffy dandelions, then cut the stems and place them head first in the bucket I provided, then continue getting the next fluffy dandelions that weren't quiet opened yet and then after that get the yellow flowers.

Then she was able to learn to cut all the way down to the base of the plant and maybe even pull out the weed. I know I could do these things faster, but she needed to learn and we enjoyed our company together. She enjoyed earning her paper dollars and went away a happy girl and now more educated and practiced enough that I could probably let her on her own to take care of these weeds. :D

So she learned alot about plants and gardens and why Grandmas does what she does. This was a priceless experience to build on the future that I sacrificed my alone time to be with her and since she lives down the street, I will have many day ahead with her visits and her help as I age and can't do all that I use to. She loves to cut slugs in half as she learned that from me and she loves to gather worms to feed the goldfish. So it was a great day, and I'm the lucky one because my kids all live in town. While my brother who takes a lot of vacations, doesn't have any of his children live nearby, as well as my other siblings.

So I count my blessings that this is my world and I have what brings me joy. Paislee :mrgreen: Buy I don't mind going on a few vacations once in awhile. :D

missobsessive
Posts: 62
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2009 7:20 pm

Re: HOW do you stop worrying about what others think?

Post by missobsessive » Mon May 23, 2011 10:25 pm

Thank you for responding :)

What both of you said is very helpful.

'The others' are just about anybody. From my family (who I've always compared myself to, always coming up short) to people at work, to people I don't even know!

I just try to refocus my attention and say 1) they probably aren't thinking what I'm thinking, and 2) who cares?!

Even though my mind still wonders/worries about what they think, I'm still just telling myself--who cares.

It helps, and I've noticed that the more negative I feel in general, the worse this assuming that others think negatively toward me gets.

AH! Awareness is the first step in overcoming something :D . I'm overcoming it little by little.

Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Re: HOW do you stop worrying about what others think?

Post by Paisleegreen » Mon May 23, 2011 11:40 pm

That's great, MissObsessive! I agree with you that when I'm in a negative mood, I am going to think others are thinking negatively about me as well. Where I'm probably not on their radar! ;)

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