Assertiveness and Gender-Part 2

Respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself; your feelings, concerns, and opinions and ask for what you want. Also, learn how to say “no” without feeling guilty
Post Reply
nice gal
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Feb 22, 2011 10:15 pm

Assertiveness and Gender-Part 2

Post by nice gal » Tue Feb 22, 2011 10:48 pm

I had no idea that much of my anxiety was stemming from a lack of assertive behavior with men. As a young girl I remember being afraid of my father's angry temper and his domineering ways. This has somehow conditioned me to be more passive with men. As a result I have found myself in numerous unhealthy relationships with angry and emotionally manipulative guys. I am currently not in a relationship with anyone but I am constantly feeling anxious that I will attract another unhealthy person into my life. I want to break this pattern of always attracting the wrong guy but it has to start with my ability to assert myself. I have also had trouble asserting myself with male authority figures at work and in other arenas. I find myself freezing up when I am in their presence and not being able to express myself the way I want to. It’s as if someone has thrown a wet blanket over me. Help! :|

Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Re: Assertiveness and Gender-Part 2

Post by Paisleegreen » Mon Feb 28, 2011 3:12 pm

How are you doing Nice Gal. Yes, having a domineering father can cause many problems with relationships with men. You will get better as you work on the skills Lucinda presents on her CDs and here. Keep posting. Paislee :mrgreen:

nice gal
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Feb 22, 2011 10:15 pm

Re: Assertiveness and Gender-Part 2

Post by nice gal » Wed Mar 02, 2011 10:44 am

Thank you Paislee for your reply. I know that change does not happen overnight so this will be a day-by-day process for me. I definitely need to find ways of practicing assertive behavior with men. It takes a lot of inner strength for me to do this. I'll post more when I can. Thanks.

couturesugar
Posts: 24
Joined: Sat Feb 07, 2009 6:25 pm

Re: Assertiveness and Gender-Part 2

Post by couturesugar » Tue Jun 28, 2011 1:27 am

Hi Nice Gal,

You bring up a great point! I also feel the same way about my relationship with my father.. he was the quiet type, but he'd have explosive bouts of anger (probably where I learned that bad habit from) unpredictably. I think a lot of this program has to do with self-talk and the message you're sending to yourself. You intellectually know that you don't deserve to be in an abusive relationship or that male authority figures need to be respected, so talk to yourself about it until you believe it.

Good luck and post an update!

Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Re: Assertiveness and Gender-Part 2

Post by Paisleegreen » Sun Jul 03, 2011 11:02 am

Couturesugar--I had as a child a calm Father, very kind and gentle. My mother was explosive type, but not as bad as some mothers can be. It was when I got married I found out my sweet, quiet and patient husband had an explosive temper. I was always defending my children from his temper and could never understand that he could be this way. I since noticed that his father was like that.

So as I weathered the storms of a 33 year old marriage, I believe much of my anxiety now that I'm not on anti-depressants have come from my husband and his unpredictable behavior. Not totally unpredictable, because that is part of the problem. Now I am standing up more for myself and I do fear as I age that if I am ornery that he will not have the patience to care for me as an old lady as nicely as my father did for my mother. I really have that fear, so I hope that if one is to become senile first/ill it is my husband. I really don't trust his patience with me as I might (?) become senile and grumpy. I know it might sound silly, but I've worked with the elderly in hospitals and shelter homes, so I know what I'm talking about.

Even my father became grumpy as he aged...so it is one of my "What if's" future anxiety thinking. I guess that is why I'm working on things now with a marriage counseling, but I'm not sure things are going to change and I'm just focusing on changing myself, my expectations and truly preparing for the future the best I can. First by making sure my Physical surroundings are functional and also that my life story is written, pictures of family life are preserved and journaled, and I take the best care of my body and brain that I can humanly can. All of this with much prayer and study. I know it probably sounds sad, but I'm being realistic and keeping a positive outlook on things the best I can. Paislee :mrgreen:

Post Reply

Return to “Session 7 - Assertive Behavior: Speak Confidently, Gain Respect”