What If I am dealing with someone who doesn't listen

Respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself; your feelings, concerns, and opinions and ask for what you want. Also, learn how to say “no” without feeling guilty
Post Reply
poetrob
Posts: 26
Joined: Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:48 pm

What If I am dealing with someone who doesn't listen

Post by poetrob » Sat Feb 19, 2011 10:03 am

If anyone reads this, I need an answer.

How do I gain respect from someone whose always criticizing me?
I live with my father and my relationship with him is toxic.

Part of the problem I have with him is he doesn't listen to
me regardless of how I assert myself. It has become a
situation where I don't even bother anymore.

On the other hand, so much goes on I am often forced
to assert myself even though it doesn't do any good.
If anything, it fuels the problem.

My father has his own ideas about me and voices them
often. Most of his ideas don't hold water.

I have tried to reason with him and it only ends in
him accusing me of calling him stupid. My father
thinks he is always in the right and I'm wrong.

If it was as easy as being assertive, I wouldn't have
these issues with him. Being assertive has never
helped. Maybe, because he doesn't respect me.

So, what do I do if I am dealing with someone who
doesn't listen?

Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Re: What If I am dealing with someone who doesn't listen

Post by Paisleegreen » Sat Feb 19, 2011 3:37 pm

Ah...this is hard, I know, I've had to deal with my father who was the same way. It was more my poor husband who had to deal with him. He would come over and criticize my husband just about every week. DH(dear husband) would try and reason with him and explain things. Just for my Dad to put him down and make us all feel bad, while he walked away feeling great and come back to visit the next day and act as if nothing ever happened.

I have to tell you this, your father is not going to change and you need to move out as soon as you possibly can. I went into a deep depression where I couldn't get myself out of bed. I felt like I was in a dark hole and didn't care to live. It was me praying and calling to see a Dr that helped me to feel better.

My father wasn't always this way, at least not until I got married and he got involved in our lives due to helping us through a financial crisis. No matter what we did to improve our lives, my Dad was involved criticizing everything we did, more to my husband's face. I didn't have this program then nor Dr David Burns Good Mood Therapy, I did have some religious books, the scriptures and prayer.

So you are lucky as you have the Internet and Lucinda's CDs and many other good books out there. You have us and I hope that you will get the help you need. Take Care and keep posting if you like. Paisleegreen :mrgreen:

NeverQuit
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 06, 2010 1:22 pm

Re: What If I am dealing with someone who doesn't listen

Post by NeverQuit » Mon Apr 25, 2011 3:50 pm

Hey poetrob,
I think it's important to keep practicing your skills with assertive behavior. People who are very aggressive are looking for reactions from us. They want to manipulate us to fit their world, so that they feel good about themselves. It's important to just roll with the punches and speak your mind - mean what you say, say what you mean, and drop it. It's when we allow these people to push our buttons and get reactions that it reinforces their angry way of communicating. That's my .02. The Bible talks about our good reactions to evil intentions heaping coals on the head of our enemy...NOT saying your dad is your enemy, just saying that the Bible is pretty clear that us behaving the RIGHT way will be an example to those who want to push our buttons, and may even cause them to change their behavior. "If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you." Proverbs 25:21-22.

Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Re: What If I am dealing with someone who doesn't listen

Post by Paisleegreen » Tue May 31, 2011 9:23 am

Poetrob How are you doing now?

john carleton
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2011 2:51 pm

Re: What If I am dealing with someone who doesn't listen

Post by john carleton » Sat Jun 04, 2011 3:05 pm

I am in the same situation with my father and if u need someone to talk to u can call me at 510 260-1463.My name is john

Post Reply

Return to “Session 7 - Assertive Behavior: Speak Confidently, Gain Respect”