Starting today

Respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself; your feelings, concerns, and opinions and ask for what you want. Also, learn how to say “no” without feeling guilty
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Mystikal1231
Posts: 50
Joined: Thu Sep 09, 2010 9:45 am

Post by Mystikal1231 » Thu Oct 07, 2010 1:19 am

Well I should have started Monday - let me reput that - I was scheduled to start Monday... but took a little longer than planned - and that is OKAY - but I will be starting today... I am a little nervous to start this one... I haven't listened yet... will on my way to work this afternoon...

I know this like all the rest is another that will be hard for me. I have always been a people pleaser w/the happy mask. I have never been one to "stand up" for myself I guess would be the words... that comes from not having self-esteem I'm sure... which I have been working on.. but am certianly no "there" yet with that. So we'll see...

although I am scared... I will never get past it if I can't stand up and face it. I might not fully beleive it yet - but I AM WORTH IT & I CAN DO IT!!!

wishing the happiest of days to all!!
** How can you give love to others, or recieve love of others - if you can not 1st love yourself? **

Mystikal1231
Posts: 50
Joined: Thu Sep 09, 2010 9:45 am

Post by Mystikal1231 » Mon Oct 11, 2010 1:20 am

well listening wasn't as bad as I thought, putting into action is going to be a little harder though. I get what they are saying, but again w/no self-esteem it's hard to "stand up for yourself"

I sure have my work cut out for me, but no more w/the I don't know if I can thoughts... I can and I will... no matter how long or how hard!! I WILL GET BETTER!!!
** How can you give love to others, or recieve love of others - if you can not 1st love yourself? **

Mystikal1231
Posts: 50
Joined: Thu Sep 09, 2010 9:45 am

Post by Mystikal1231 » Mon Oct 18, 2010 12:55 am

well I think I'm going to spend some extra time on this one. I've NEVER been an assertive person. I hear what they are saying and I know they are right, but I have so much trouble w/confrontations!! and the guilt that comes along with them. Ahhh just one more thing for me to focus on. This is all such a struggle for me. But slowly I will do it. I do not like who/how I am and I will change it. NO ONE can change me, but ME!!! again this is where the self-esteem comes in, it's hard to "stand up" for yourself if you do not feel you are "worthy".... I will have to start very small with this. as I will need lots of practice. I tend to hold things in and hold them until I blow. ahhh well....
** How can you give love to others, or recieve love of others - if you can not 1st love yourself? **

Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Post by Paisleegreen » Wed Nov 10, 2010 5:46 am

Mystikal, how are you doing?

Mystikal1231
Posts: 50
Joined: Thu Sep 09, 2010 9:45 am

Post by Mystikal1231 » Thu Nov 11, 2010 1:47 am

Paisleegreen - thanks for asking, I am doing "ok" :) that's good though - I'm not bad so... :)
I have taken a little of a "intermission" on the program, although I don't want to "stop" so I am continuing to listen to the disc's I have already hear, then I don't "lose" any of the info either.
I let myself get into a little "depression whole" for a minute, but the past week or two I've beend doing a lot of thinking/discovering. I think I expected this to be easier than it is and I let that get to me. I also allowed myself to sit on the "pitty pot". but I've decided this past week that if I'm going to get better, I have to give it my all and I don't think I was doing that before.
This week I've been working on my daily routines. actually I've been feeling a bit better this week. I set my clock to get up before my kids so I can shower early, instead of waiting til their nap time or even later some days.... I went and got a dance type exercize video, I can only handle 10 - 15 min right now, but something is better than nothing, I'm doing it. I've also made sure to be very aware of eating. I have issues w/doing everything else before caring for myself so I put off eating because I have other things to do. well I have been taking the time for myself and making sure I'm eating 3 times a day. so that's awesome to!!

again thanks for asking I really appreciate it. I was a little down this morning, but that picked my right up so thanks :)
** How can you give love to others, or recieve love of others - if you can not 1st love yourself? **

Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Post by Paisleegreen » Thu Nov 11, 2010 5:03 am

Oh, I'm good to hear that you are doing better. I agree, I guess sometimes I'm having a pitty party, and I'm sure part of it is impatience and negative thinking. Although it is just thinking about the situation at home where I'm the only one working on family relations while the others are just working on their own agendas. I have to admit that they don't have the luxury I have come to think of it, of just focusing on self improvement, since they all have to work, go to school, pay bills, and take care of more important things.

Maybe that is why I'm feeling down a bit. Its that I don't feel important. My "baby" is 19 and doesn't need me as what I'm use to doing as a "mom". I stopped cooking years ago after my other son took his life at 15. So I'm feeling these feelings more since I was shot down by DH and DS a while back for trying to take of my needs since noone else was interested in taking care of what I felt I needed to "feel" better w/ my new found anxiety.

Wow, just writing to you and reading your posts has really helped to figure this out more.

I like how you got a new Dance Exercise CD, and eating 3 meals. I'm the same way, I was not eating as properly as I should. And now I've been starting to cook, just barely in the past week some simple healthy meals and asked DH if he would like some scrambled eggs or sunny side up eggs and toast.

I've definitely been up more and watching less TV. Just trying to take one day at a time, but completing some what use to be small goals at one time to now they are a big task to do.

I don't do well w/ confrontations and keep things inside. I finally talked to an older son about the condition in my master bathroom that has mold and needs clearing up. I guess I will have to start a thread on that. Anyway, this bathroom has been a problem for years and we tore it out, but it has remained unfinished for 2 years now, and it is just the shower and toilet room. So it bothers me greatly to not have this done, but to discuss it w/dh is difficult because he has his ideas and I have mine, and since he has the money and wants to do things himself, I have to wait on him or put up with his judgments or feelings when I oppose him.

Anyway, I better post this and I'm glad you responded and reported on how you are doing. Keep up the good work! :)

mbwillow1
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Jun 03, 2011 12:33 pm

Re: Starting today

Post by mbwillow1 » Thu Jul 21, 2011 5:22 pm

You can do it~ all of you can! I'm SO HAPPY I asserted myself today!
A friend of mine has changed the time/day of a camping trip twice now, and when she went to change it again I let her know that her plan would not work for me, and politely told her what day/time would. The old me would have sucked it up, gone along with the changes, and resented her.
Turns out, she backed down & "magically", her other plans no longer mean as much to her (since I wasn't budging).
I'm happy that we can go and look forward to a weekend of camping/kayaking & playing in the woods!

Malinda

Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Re: Starting today

Post by Paisleegreen » Thu Jul 21, 2011 8:19 pm

That's great, willow1! I too had asserted myself asking about an upcoming trip to a mountain lake resort area that was at first was offered as a week's stay where there is a pool and jacuzzi. Nothing fancy, but sort of free. Then it turned out to be where we would get the beginning of the week, but not the weekend. So that sort of threw me for a loop and DH got upset and exploded that I should talk to the person about it. So finally, I asked if it was okay for me to make the phone call, this was a few days later of pretty much silence or just polite conversation. So I call up the person about the getaway and found out that now I only get 3 days in the middle of the week.

So I'm happy to at least made the phone call...I was a bit nervous...and now have details that I knew DH wouldn't have asked about. It is nice to have a change and that I will be able to go to a familiar place and yet haven't been there for years. It will be a little bit different, but I'm up for it. Yippee! Paislee :mrgreen:

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