The Challenge...Lesson 7

[NinjaFrodo]

My ideas, opinions, feelings and needs matter. I deserve respect and I deserve to stand up for myself and my rights regardless of the opinions of others. When I'm assertive it doesn't matter how the other person responds because I am doing it for myself and not for them. No matter what negative response I get, I will continue to stick to my guns.

Lesson 7 cd
I must say that I definately am one of those people who is afraid to be assertive and stand up for my rights because I feel I'm being inconsiderate and selfish. One of the things that I definately struggle with is being used for my shiatsu therapy. I however did put myself in that position by doing very quick treatments to people who have injured themselves. I have not recieved any kind of payment for this and I do feel resentful towards those people and I feel resentful towards myself because I was trainned to give treatments. I payed thousands of dollars for that trainning and I deserve payment. So I'm actually going to say no from now on. Another thing is I'm afraid of pulling someone aside that I'm not really close with and talk about my feelings if I do get hurt. I feel kind of like I don't deserve to be considered by these peoples, like I have to do something really good for that person in turn before I am allowed to have my feelings considered and before I'm allowed to pull someone aside to talk to them. Also in the tapes Lucinda was talking about this one overweight lady who was insulted by someone she went to school with. The lady made a comment about her weight and Lucinda said she should have pulled the lady aside and then been assertive with her. 3 questions about that...How does that work? why would the lady even say yes when the overweight lady tries to take her aside? and what-if the lady says no to being pulled aside? Input would be very much appreciated on this because I'm just stumped and it is causing me to be more worried about being assertive.


Mike

[THH]

My first run through I scored 89 - Passive. I may have gained to the passive - assertive stage now days. This one will take some time for me.

The big thing for me is to remember that people will take advantage IF I let them. Sometimes I don't seam to care. But things that get to me I'm doing much better at setting myself up to decline or to make sure that I feel okay about excepting.
Another good thing is for me, I now recognize aggressive behavior has a pushy overtone. I didn't know the difference.

I like so many things in this lesson. One of my fav. tricks to do is " start at the cemetery and work back wards!" "worstisizing" I probably do the most self-abuse, more than others doing it to myself.
Poor self esteem. I always felt like a uneducated person,(only a high school education) like I had no right to talk about things. Then I found that everyone who has a college Ed. maybe very smart about alot of things but could not do some things that I'm good at. When I stated this program, I had a very hard time thinking of things I liked about myself. They seamed so unimportant compared to what so many people I am around. I am learning that its ok to not be a brain surgeon, or a rocket scientist. I could go to school for 100 years and still not get it. But I can be friendly, lol... make a nice pair of beaded earrings, keep a beautiful garden or lawn. I can be a good friend ect... I'm stronger about my strengths. Just rambling thoughts...

[THH]

Mike,
I can tell you something about your letting people take advantage of you with your shiatsu.
When my husband was going to school for his profession, we had friends who had horses. They let him practice on their horses. (trimming their feet and putting shoes on) He continued doing them for free 6 years after he had been in his own practice and basically earning all his money from shoeing! he finally spoke up as they were getting demanding at this point, that he could do this or that and he charges this or that to do that job.
Those "friends" hired other people to do the job. So lesson #1. If you are a professional you charge a fee for your services. You can knock off a small amount for family or friends if you want, but do NOT do it for free. EVER!
I was a florist for 11 years, I can not tell you how many family weddings I did for almost nothing, most who really never appreciated my time or effort. Now days I will only offer to do it as a gift from me. I hope you can see how a pattern gets started and you can hold grudges for many years over such poor business practices. Hope this helps!

I didn't have that lady story on my tape??? I'm going to listen again, can't believe I missed it.

[THH]

Karen,
The anxiety levels will go up and down. Try not to worry on having it. The more you accept the lesser the level. It gets easier, and keep in mind too that each of these sessions produce some anxiety as well. Your doing great at facing it! How bad do you want it??? Thats what I always ask myself. It makes me dig in and put forth the effort I need to push. Good job...
Its been a wonderful fall here! Today was really nice too.

Thank you for the encouragement with my problems too. I'll post when I get results back. The donkey is good. He still moves his hind legs in a awkward way but he is getting around good enough to be turned out to graze. I hope the exercise will tighten up his ligaments and make his legs stronger. He really is so cute. Them big long ears! I'll post a picture one of these days.

Its hard learning to be my own safe person. I have relied on so many people all my life not realizing what I was doing. It feels good when I do but I really need to keep practicing...

So nice, "Just another little one to love"!

[NinjaFrodo]

Here is the next video. Think of it in terms of being assertive.

Like it or not

Mike

[mcshope]

My ideas, opinions, feelings and needs matter. I deserve respect and I deserve to stand up for myself. When I'm assertive it doesn't matter how the other person responds because I am doing it for myself and not for them. No matter what response I get, I will continue to stick to my guns.

Today was a good day, well I went to the printshop to help my husband. All the way there I kept thinking that I just wanted to trun around and go back home, however I kept going. Once at the shop I did fine, no anxiety. That is what I kept telling myself, "once you get there you'll get busy and there will be no anxiety". I just wish I could drive there without the anxiety. I like working with my husband, but it takes a lot of my energy to just drive there.

Mike,
Too much sugar... that doesn't help.

THH
You are a wise woman . College doesn't prepare you for life, that we have to learn on our own. I understand what you say, as I am adapting to a life where my home is my job. I still have a lot to learn.

Karen,
You keep doing great in facing your limitations. You are an inspiration.

++++++++++++

Well, I have to go to bed, it takes me a while to relax and be ready to sleep (something else that changed after the surgery, it takes me forever to fall asleep)
Have a good night and a great day tomorrow.
Hope

[NinjaFrodo]

THH;

I haven't even checked out the book yet so i'll hafta get back to you on that.

Good realizations.

Um the worstisizing I think is in next lessons tape along with the starting at the cemetery and working backwards.

There are always people better then us in diffrent things and it sounds like you were looking at it in a black and white kinda way but now more in a gray area.

Thank you for that input with your husband's experience and yours as well. You are absolutely right with this. It can ruin friendships or at least the resentment part of it can. I can't do that anymore. Maybe offer a one time thing just to show people what it is I do. I hear people often say if I ever need someone to practice on and now it kind of makes me angry because it sounds like they want to get something free and not give anything back in return. Very greedy!


Mike

[Lindalee]

Hope,

I understand how you feel about going to the print shop. In the past I have worried so much about the drive home I have been anxious all day. One thing that has helped me when I drive a route a few times is to notice the land marks along the way. Then as I drive it in my mind I check off the landmarks as I pass them and congratulate myself with each segment completion.

Your positive self talk about how you would not have anxiety once you got there is great. However, now if you can find believable self talk about how you will have less and less anxiety while you drive that would help the drive. I'm still working on this myself.

Mike,

I also am passive. I joined a few horse back riding clubs when I first moved here to meet people with a common interest. But eveytime the clubs needed something done I found myself volunteering and doing all the work. The first time through the program I quit all but one club and this time when new officers are elected and work committees formed I will keep my mouth shut and hand down and if asked say "no". I am overwhelmed at the work that needs done at our ranch, and I want to actually ride a horse now and then. I'm having trouble handling one of my horses, I'm too passive with him, too.



The hardest person for me to be assertive with is my husband. I wanted to talk to him about something we disagree on and have talked very briefly about before. I thought about it for a day, and then felt sad, here we've been married 29 years, and I'm afraid to talk about something of the heart with him. So I waited until he was done playing his video game and then talked to him. Now I understand why I have so much trouble talking to him...If I have a different oppinion than him he just yells at me that I am stupid and won't discuss it any further. Now it's time for the silent treatment.(him to me, I would like to talk)

I stopped exercising and went back to sugar. I'm still off most caffiene. I really was disturbed by the generalized anxiety. Tomorrow I will start back on exercising and eating right. If the anxiety returns I will view it as a neccessary step to full recovery. Exercise and eating right CAN'T be bad for me, so if I feel worse it's only because I'm actually feeling now.

[SeaRunner]

Hi everyone -

I've really let myself slip. For the last ten days or so I've been going back and forth between constant high anxiety and constant deep depression. I've had periods of high anxiety in the past that last up to a week and I've also had periods of deep depression as well. But I've never had a period where I was constantly moving between the two without having some rest in between. It's been very draining and I've had little concentration or motivation to move forward.

Last week I wasn't able to bill any hours at work because I was having so much difficulty between the anxiety and depression. I barely left the house, which is unusual. Even when I'm anxious I try to get out at least a little bit to keep from losing progress. Fortunately, I started to feel better late Monday and have been getting back on my feet. I've gotten in about half my work this week so I should be able to meet my hourly goal.

I haven't listened to the CD for this week yet, but I plan to do it this morning so I can catch up.

On another note, I'm going to try a new therapy I read about in an magazine article. It's a form of biofeedback called neurotherapy. I don't know a lot about it, but it has to do with balancing the activity in the various parts of the brain. Apparently we can train ourselves to use our brains in a more symmetrical way. People with anxiety and depression have been shown to be using one part or side of the brain more than others. By learning to balance things, the theory is that the anxiety and depression will lift on their own since they are a direct result of the imbalance.

I don't know if it will work or not, but I figure it's worth a try. If nothing else, I'll at least know I tried every option. Unfortunately, the only doctor I can find locally that practices neurotherapy is not on my insurance so I'll have to pay out of pocket. But the way I see it, there is no cost I can put on my health. If this works, it will be worth every penny. I'll keep you all posted on how things work out.

Jamie

[SeaRunner]

Mike -

I'm really proud of what you put, or rather what you didn't put in your post this session. I think it's great that you didn't force yourself to come up with a quote for the week when you weren't ready and didn't beat yourself up for not doing it. That's excellent work on expectations.

Yikes about the pie. I'm so OCD about food poisoning I never would have been able to eat the pie if it had been in a car for a week. While it was a tough lesson, it's good that you've reminded yourself that you don't react well to lots of sugar.

Don't be too concerned about how much you can run versus walk. I have days when I go out running and I feel like I'm dragging an anchor behind me! We just have more energy some days more than others and it's neither good or bad, it just is. On the low energy days, give yourself permission to slow down a bit. On the high energy days, push yourself as much as you like!

Jamie