The Challenge...Lesson 7

[THH]

Lindalee,
You DID GREAT! Driving with a trailer to your lesson! YEY! Way to go, I have not pulled a trailer in years...It really can be nerve racking. Quick story for ya, When I first moved here, I found a trainer to take lessons from in Pa. I did reining horses. The directions were come across the Causeway and turn Right at the light. Well I get to the town where the Causeway is, and it is a loooooong looong bridge with water splashing up on the road! 2 lane bridge. OMG I white knuckled the wheel and went like 2 mph. freaked! I worried how I was going to come home. I made it there and back. Then I started looking for a new trainer! LOL...

Thanks for the support on the blood. I did do much better this practice session.
And you right with the donkey it would be easier if they could have said do this, or that. But once again time.

[THH]

Karen,
Glad to hear you are OK, those storms marched their way though and I know many people had wind damage. We were good too.

Raking leaves is a work out! I get sore too. Thats why they make calgon!!! I always feel better being out side even a walk.

[THH]

SeaRunner,
Good to hear from you!
So what does a treatment of neurotherapy consist of?
Keep on shining!

[THH]

I had a good day today. I went shopping, and started dog class tonight.
It was a calm day, I enjoyed the calm.

Glad everyone is doing well, and keep posting!

[mcshope]

Hi everybody,

I don't have too much time before I have to go to bed, tomorrow I am helping my husband and I have to be at the print shop at 8:00 am.... which means I have to leave the house between 7:30 and 7:40... I have not been up and running that early in since March.

I've had a few funny days, good because my anxiety has been under control, but I am having a difficult time concentrating... my mind is going nuts, I'm not able to focus on one task for too long.

This morning I felt depressed, I didn't feel like doing anything... of course the guilt then starts chasing me... at about 1:00 pm I finally decided to start cleaning the kitchen, I felt better after that.

Yesterday I went to get a haircut. I decided to cut my hair short-short... My husband loves it, and to be honest, it is much more easy to get my hair looking good when it is short... Well, I went to the salon that is at Wal-mart, they usually get me in and out really fast. When the girl was washing my hair my anxiety started going up, maybe to a 7 or 8. I closed my eyes and started breathing and thinking about the relaxation CD... IT WORKED!!! My anxiety went down and I was able to actually enjoy the process... When I was walking to my car I realized of what just happen and made me smile.

Sometimes it amazes me how we can find progress in the smallest things.

Tomorrow after I am done at work I will post more... you all have had some very important accomplishments these days. It has been an inspiration for me.

Take care and have a restful night.

Hope

[creamcheesepuff]

I have been keeping things simple. I cant rack out difficult things to remember when I am already overloaded. I know what I can handle and I detach myself slowly from overbearing and stressful thoughts. I find this the most effective way of dealing with my anxiety,depression and stress levels. I am accepting things slowly, I am adjusting....but at my own pace. I have no one standing over me with a mallet ready to knock me on the head if I dont do this. So, I work alone, peacefully, uncomplicatedly, and well this way.

[Karen L]

I am on the road to recovery. There will be obstacles but I am moving in the right direction. I must feel the discomfort and know that it will not hurt me.


rough day yesterday with my counselor...Ive been having such a hard time going places and driving beyond a maybe 1 mile radius....we talked about this and the inner struggles I have going on almost constantly...although I am finallly understanding my anxiety and I want so much to overcome this, I struggle with the inner change going on...she says because I fear the change, and I believe shes right....not only because of the change itself, but also the fear that I will not have a reason to fall back on and stayed trapped in my condition....this does make alot of sense to me...this inner struggle is so rough though.....
its like a fight every day....I guess maybe in the past I really didnt understand the anxiety so I just accepted it....but now that I am seeing it for what it really is and that I control it, I know that I just cant accept it anymore....maybe I shouldnt say that....but instead say, now I have a choice, to accept the anxiety or to overcome it.....and although I hate the anxiety, it is the easy way out...I never saw that before....it is easy because I just dont have to face life then...I dont really have to be responsible, make decisions, and take action....although I truely do want to do these things, it is so unfamiliar that it scares me....
just rambling on and processing my thoughts from yesterday.....so if that doesnt make sense, it was just more to help me


Mike

I loved Simon on American Idol....maybe it was the bad boy attitude, but maybe it was that he was "real" and didnt care who accepted his true opinions....fuuny that he was just being honest and people most of the time just didnt like his criticism, although he didnt always have to be so direct lol....but I think that his criticism and praise really helped those that took the time to listen to him and not get offended...he was very assertive, but kind of in an "I dont care whose feelings are hurt" way....I dont know, I liked him........the thing is when someone was really good, he did not have a problem praising them also, so it wasnt always bad....

Ok...as for the daily assertive practice...
You can't do anything right.
I would have to say I would go with option 2, disarm...so my response would look something like "you are correect in saying that somethings I cant do right and I accept that...but there are also many things that I believe I do end up doing correctly...and that is not a fair or true statement to say that I cant do anything right."

I also could not see your video, it is blocked in the US?? lol

just again wanted to thank you Mike for all the time and thought you put into the posts...I appreciate it


Jamie

glad to hear you started the treatments....I am very interested, so do keep us updated

sounds like you have been busy in a good way

have a great week-end!!


THH

I loved your response to the practice question from Mike....you just put it back on the other person, looking for their input......excellent and it avoided any thought or bad feelings....I really like that

believe it or not, I have never used calgon lol

its great to see that you are busy yet so calm.....you are actually enjoying life
keep up the excellent work


Hope

you also have been busy with just life, and that is excellent!! you have been doing so much and had that one morning of depression that you quickly overcame.....its awesome that you were able to get up and moving without giving in to the depression!! I know what a struggle that can be in itself....that also was only one small moment in your busy week....concentrate on all the time you stayed busy and functioned!! in my opinion you did excellent this week

and on to the haircut....I wanted to mention this separately because this is just such a major accomplishment!!! you felt the anxiety, you recognized it, you didnt run but instead dealt with it knowing that it could not hurt you...and the anxiety began to diminish......this is exactly how we want to be doing it, how awesome for you!!! I hope that you are still smiling from ear to ear because that is absolutely a huge accomplishment!!! Im so happy for you

creamcheese

I really like your outlook...detaching yourself mentally from the stress and realizing to slow things down and remain peacefully and uncomplicated...
I will definitely be trying thsi thought process when Im feeling overwhelmed....great way to put things back into perspective!!! seems also like you are lowering you expectations..awesome!!!

[NinjaFrodo]

Searunner

Oh hey you're back. Thats great that you are still continuing with the cds.

Hope the treatments help.


THH;

Wierd i didn't know videos get blocked in the US as well. There are many videos blocked in Canada and it kinda bothers me. Nothing an IP blocker program or whatever can't get by..If only I knew where to find out that works good and how it works.

Can't take that away

That link should work.

Thats good you are inquiring to find out more information. Lets say this is your partner.

Good response, You inquired on the meaning behind the words. I do sense some defensiveness when you say I do lots of things that work for me. That is fine but it gives people ammo and they may fire back harder. When you are saying how would you like for me to do this, in what tone are you using?

Condescending statements would be very great actually. Insults are a beginning just to figure out how to agree or ask about...condescending statements are more complicated and we can use later on.

That statement by your sister is a good one and I will write it down for later on. It makes you feel bad, it's giving the message that you shouldn't feel anxious or stressed because you don't get up early as well.

Ok so you realize that it is upsetting, you realize that you don't have to be a morning person to be productive and that she is comparing her life to yours and making you feel less of a person.

Well you don't get up really early to go to work but what is she suggesting by saying that? Thats probabbly one thing I'd like to ask about.


Mike

[THH]

Mike,
I'll check out the new link.

Ya, I guess it does project some defensiveness. I think thats when I start to loose the battle! LOL... because they do fire back harder and I can't hold up with long battles. If this would be to my partner(husband), most likely angry, as I would of not appreciated that comment in the first place.

Yea that is how I seam to feel when my sister is talking and tosses out something like "you have know idea" what I go though. You have know idea how sick I was, You have know idea what I went though as a kid.(my parents are divorced) On and on... Most of the time, I let it blow over as I am not sure what she is referring to do by those statements. At times I have ask, and then she digs a deeper hole. As she begins to explain herself, she runs to a victim thinker. Like everyone has this really great life but her. Then I try to let her know that we all have hard times to get through and just one persons pain is not worst than another s. If I have my Gall Bladder out, she had her appendices out years ago and the scar is bigger. She was in the hospital for a week, I had same day surgery. Mine was nothing. She makes me feel like a baby. I am very sensitive, and I am I guess in some peoples eyes a baby, but I'm not actively begging for sympathy, just a little encouragement at times.
She will say we should just end this conversation. And its always under her control. Sometimes I don't care and just go with the flow, but there are sometimes, I feel I get angry and try to defend. I'm getting better at avoiding as I can't seam to win.
We do get along well at times, It could be a better relationship. I am her older sister, 7 years.

[NinjaFrodo]

mcshope;

Yeah I know how you feel, I get to that feeling on a daily basis and it can make things harder to do, I hope you had a good day today.

Yay that is some great progress with the anxiety you got while getting your hair did. Congrats. You know I've never actually tried to picture about the relaxation while having anxiety. I think i'll try that, thanks for that.



Creamcheesepuff;

Well what a plesant suprise, I didn't expect that you'd make a posting. Sounds like it is working for you and that is the most important.


Karen L;

Sounds like your councelor was talking about secondary gains. It is true that people do resist change for many diffrent reasons..fear of failure and fear of success are among those. But you are still working through it and that is important.

I understand the fear you are feeling right now. I know for myself that I go through that on a daily basis as well. Especially when it comes to the thought of me getting a job sometime in the future. The what-ifs, the catastrophizing thoughts, the fear of the anxiety itself. Are these also things you feel too?

By the way you may be having an increase of anxiety and obsessive thoughts lately. The situation with meeting a new guy definately has the potential to do this. Do you feel that this may be a possibility? I'm just saying this to keep some perspective on the anxiety.

Ya I think you definately have a thing for bad boys. I also admire that he is being honest and direct and does not hold back or sugar coat things. That being said I didn't like how he was exaggerating his opinion saying things like you will never be a singer or you'll never be ready. Taken the right way that could be very motivating but the idea of it is very cruel. I'm not sure if I can agree on that being assertive at least it doesn't go with the dictionary definition Lucinda had put forth about assertiveness being persistently positive and confident. Assertiveness is about being considerate with another person's feelings while stating your own. Simon did however state how he felt in a hostile way but his voice tone was very calm. I would actually consider Paula more assertive than Simon. And no Simon wasn't always bad, its very hard to be always bad for anybody. He did praise people when he thought it was appropriate.

Good response for the assertiveness practice. I think leaving it at the first part is sufficient as you are disarming the person by acceptance. Everything after that I understand why you would put that because you feel you need to defend yourself and you're right it isn't fair and you definately don't deserve to be treated that way however that defense gives them more ammo and they are likely to respond more negatively because they want to make you hurt and can see it starting when you do become defensive.

I posted the link in the post I sent to THH you could just click on there.

Your very welcome, I want everybody to benefit as much as they can and to learn and grow in the most effective way.


Mike