The Challenge...Lesson 7

Respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself; your feelings, concerns, and opinions and ask for what you want. Also, learn how to say “no” without feeling guilty
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NinjaFrodo
Posts: 1263
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am

Post by NinjaFrodo » Mon Oct 18, 2010 11:10 am

Yay we're about half-way through the program now and today is the beginning of lesson 7 which will run for a week and a half. I have a few extra things I'd like to put in this week's postings just on how to approach complaining, insults, labels, the idea of fairness and maybe some assertiveness things as well.

I haven't put up a new quote yet, I really don't feel up to doing this right now.

You may also notice an influx of music videos.

This is a good video to start of this lesson!

Human Nature by Madonna


Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087

You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog

http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/

NinjaFrodo
Posts: 1263
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am

Post by NinjaFrodo » Mon Oct 18, 2010 11:31 am

Heres an alright video about being assertive;

Being assertive


Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087

You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog

http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/

NinjaFrodo
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Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am

Post by NinjaFrodo » Mon Oct 18, 2010 11:33 am

Here is another one but it is more funny then helpful;

Standing up to a bully


Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087

You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog

http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/

THH
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Joined: Mon May 10, 2010 10:53 am

Post by THH » Mon Oct 18, 2010 1:14 pm

Mike,
The card for lesson 7:
Assertive Behavior: Speak Conidently - Gain Respect
* I am worthy of respect.
* I can say, "NO."
* I am here to be heard; not to win
* The moe I practice, the more comfortable I become with new skills & behaviors.
* Assertiveness promotes self-woth.
* Assertive people get respect.
* Its healthy to be myself.
* I can let go of guilt.

Side 2
TO BE ASSERTIVE:
1. Study. Practice. Restudy. Practice
2. Exercise you rights. Get your needs met. But not at the expense of others.
3. Use I messages
4. Its ok to put myself first.
5. You don't always have to have the answer. Step back, think, review your skills.
6. Speak up and don't raise your voice.
7. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and drop it.
8. No apologies needed.
9. Don't forget to breathe.

NinjaFrodo
Posts: 1263
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am

Post by NinjaFrodo » Tue Oct 19, 2010 2:54 pm

My ideas, Opinions, Feelings and needs matter. I deserve respect and I deserve to stand up for myself and my rights regardless of the opinions of others. When I'm assertive it doesn't matter how the other person responds because I am doing it for myself and not for them. No matter what negative response I get, I will continue to stick to my guns.

New quote up above :)

Monday;

My friend gave me a pumpkin pie...A whole pumpkin pie he was going to throw in the garbadge because it had been in his car for a week but I said I would take it and well I am now really suffering! I got it on sunday and ate several slices in the evening and I let 2 hours go by before bed but it didn't really help. My anxiety shot right up and I didn't feel like doing anything. I felt at about a level 8 or 9 for most of my day and where did that lead me? It lead me back to my old coping ways of playing videogames for hours on end, I stayed up really late and feel very negative and very obsessive. It also didn't help that I ate tons of the pie today either, I didn't even go to hip-hop which is something I really enjoy doing. I did get myself to the gym and did 20 minutes of cardio however I could only run for 2 minutes and then have to walk for 3 minutes where as before I could run for 3 minutes and would still need 3 minutes of walking. I did some ab work and some back work too but couldn't get through it all because I felt too nautious from eatting all that delicious pie. Was it really worth it? Probabbly not as I missed out on many things, felt extremely anxious throughout the day and got little accomplished.

One thing I realized today is that I can only get so far without dealing with this sleep problem. I end up doing well with my progress but then I plateau because my sleep is all messed. So my main goal from now to at least the end of the program is sleep, its my main priority. Of course that is not detail enough if I'm going to work on the goal so I've decided that my daily goal is not to get to sleep at a certain time but rather to get to bed at a certain time. It seemed to work for me this time as I did get to bed at 11.

Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087

You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog

http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/

NinjaFrodo
Posts: 1263
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am

Post by NinjaFrodo » Tue Oct 19, 2010 3:01 pm

THH;

Thank you for the card info. I think my collection starts at lesson 9 or 10. We can compare when we get there.

Heres another good vid;

Express yourself by Madonna


Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087

You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog

http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/

NinjaFrodo
Posts: 1263
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am

Post by NinjaFrodo » Tue Oct 19, 2010 3:39 pm

My ideas, opinions, feelings and needs matter. I deserve respect and I deserve to stand up for myself and my rights regardless of the opinions of others. When I'm assertive it doesn't matter how the other person responds because I am doing it for myself and not for them. No matter what negative response I get, I will continue to stick to my guns.

I woke up feeling more positive but still had a tremendous ammount of anxiety. All that sugar has really made such a huge impact on me. It doesn't seem like the effects only last for the day I eat the sugar. I don't like this feeling at all and it honestly feels just as strong as before I even went through the program 6 years ago. I am just really amazed at how I was able to have all this anxiety and work full time all those years ago, it is just nuts because I used to eat sugar everyday just to keep me from falling asleep!!!

The sugar effect is so strong even today that I spent hours and hours on my videogame when I wanted to do a few other things. I just didn't feel like I could handle doing other things because of it. I did however go to the gym and do the hip-hop because I needed to get away from the videogame and I felt good about oding it but I had a hard time concentrating on the routine. I did have fun though and I didn't beat myself up for not doing it right. It was so difficult to get away from the videogame though because I was getting really obsessed wondering what was going to happen next in the game and that I had to find out and I actually ended up pushing my game playing time as far as I could before hip-hop and I ended up being 10 minutes late unfortunately. I ended up feeling a little guilty but not as much as I did before when I left late and got to the destination late. I even avoided doing the thought replacement stuff the last couple of days because of the sugar!

Thought replacement
1)I need to play the game, I gatta know what happens next or I'll just become overwhelmed with obsessive thoughts.
[should, fortune telling]
->I've played enough of the game for now and I can drag the excitement of the game for several days. I havenm't played the game for several hours and also I didn't obsess about it for that duration of time. I know how to handle the thoughts if they do come up though.

2)I can't tell someone, no when they have a physical injury that I could treat and suggesting them to book an appointment is just selfish.
[All-Or-Nothing, Emotional reasoning]
->I am not obliged to fix people especially if I'm not getting paid for it. I was trained to give shiatsu treatments and so I deserve payment for these services. Saying no doesn't mean I allow them to suffer it means I take care of myself and I give them the opportunity to book an appointment. People who would stop being my friend if I say no are people who don't deserve my friendship.

3)I'm not going to have enough time to do what I want to do.
[Fortune telling, Should]
->All I want to do is get to bed at 11 but this is just something to reach towards and if I get there a little past that then it will be fine as well. I can handle how that'll make me feel tomorrow.

4)I'm going to have to use the relaxation cd before sleep or else the quality of sleep will be really poor and I'll be more anxious tomorrow.
[Should]
->It would be more beneficial to use the relaxation cd before bed but I maybe too tired and thats alright, I can try again tomorrow and I can handle my sleep regardless and my level of anxiety I get tomorrow as well.

Goals
Watched kids programing
Relaxation cd in the am
Relaxation cd before bed!
Calmed myself down before sleep with self-talk about taking my time and how there is no rushing
Walked to the gym
Did Hip-hop
Didn't eat lots of sugar
Got into bed at 12:20 instead of 2 or 3
Listened to lesson 7
Put more music onto my ipod
Posted on the forums
Turned down my friend's offer to see exorcist even though he really wanted to see that with me but I don't want to watch horror movies
Thought replacements
Didn't push myself to workout after doing hip-hop
Drank lots of water
Didn't give into my desire to play my videogame before bed!



Mike
Mike
Last edited by NinjaFrodo on Wed Oct 20, 2010 6:45 am, edited 1 time in total.
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087

You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog

http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/

THH
Posts: 860
Joined: Mon May 10, 2010 10:53 am

Post by THH » Tue Oct 19, 2010 4:31 pm

Mike,
I was wonder where you were???
too much sugar, that will do it! Now you know. :cool:

I think you might feel better setting a schedule for your sleep. I know I do. I try to be in bed by 11:30 / 12:00 latest. I get up at 8:00am. regardless. Sometimes earlier. I have found I do much better keeping with a program.

I posted on the last challenge as I have not listened to this one yet. I'll do it Wed.
have a good night. ;)

Karen L
Posts: 181
Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 11:09 pm

Post by Karen L » Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:59 am

I am on the road to recover. There will be obstacles in my way, which I will overcome. I am moving in the right direction. Life is good.

doing pretty good here....still having some anxiety while working on my limitations....positive talk is helping....wanted to run a few times while out n about.....but was able to either talk my anxiety down or call its bluff...Im thinking I will be at this place for awhile and just have to keep re-assuring myself and working on overcoming my limitations.....guess I finally realize I cant go around them, I must meet them head on and deal with them.....

havent started the lesson yet......but hoping to listen to tape today....going to get some yard work done first.....have a great day all...

Mike
thanks for the encouragement :)
I cant believe we are half way through.....funny because when I look at where I am physically, it's not much better than it was several weeks ago.....but when I look at it mentally, I see a huge change in how I am beginning to think and perceive things.....so I know something is working :)

Lindalee

thanks for the encouragement and the congrats :)
general anxiety has been part of my daily life for years...relaxing is such a foreign feeling to me....you are definitely right that maybe your depression was just over-powering and covering up your general anxiety, but you are feeling something, instead of feeling numb....which, in my opinion is a good thing, even though the anxiety is uncomfortable....you are changing andyour body is just reacting....keep with it though, and dont let the anxiety scare you.....your doing great!!

Hope

thanks for the congrats!! Im so glad to hear that you did meet online, gives me some hope...not sure if Im ready for dating, but wont ever know if I dont put myself out there :)
I do notice that I am carrying some baggage from my last relationship, but at least I see that and am working on changing that :)

THH

excellent news on the water and blood work so far!! sounds like you have a good water company working with you, which is always a good thing.....I know your still waiting on the donkey's blood work, but how is he/ she doing??
just so glad to hear you are getting good results :)

learning to be our own safe person and not relying on reassurance from others is a huge difficult step for me also.....but, I think you handled this great!! you did not work yourself up to the point of panic, and you waited until your doctors appt instead of making yourself sick and running to the ER...it was difficult and a bit uncomfortable, but you did it!! you actually handled the whole situation the way any "normal" person would have...so be proud of yourself :)

she just found out about the pregnancy so it will be several weeks til we know the sex, but thanks for the congrats :) I love my Vincent, so I wouldnt mind a boy......but a grandma's girl would be nice too...so it doesnt matter to me, I will be happy with just another little one to love :)

and thanks for the encouragement :)

Jamie

hope all is good and no more flat tires :)

ok....time to get some yard work done :)

NinjaFrodo
Posts: 1263
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am

Post by NinjaFrodo » Wed Oct 20, 2010 6:29 am

THH;

Ya i missed out on the last couple of days because of pumpkin pie, that jerk!

My plan is to be in bed at 11 actually. Just started it 2 days ago and its working ok.

It looks like everybody else is with you on that one so I guess this lesson starts today then.


Karen L;

Sounds like your expecting not to having anxiety while working on your limitations but you are still working through them which is great! Yes you might still have the anxiety but keep in mind that you can still become happy before you are completely recovered.

Good that you are noticing some change. What types of things were you focused on when thinking physically?



Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087

You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog

http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/

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