The Challenge...Lesson 7

Respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself; your feelings, concerns, and opinions and ask for what you want. Also, learn how to say “no” without feeling guilty
Karen L
Posts: 181
Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 11:09 pm

Post by Karen L » Sat Oct 30, 2010 3:26 am

I am on the rod to recovery. There will be obstacle but I am moving in the right direction. I must feel the discomfort and know it will not hurt me.


Mike

Thanks for the encouragement :)

I nevcer really thought about it before, but now that you say it, I too do not trust my own abilities to handle the anxiety.....thanks for the eye opener :)

do whatever is easiest for you and THH to practice.....I know you already put alot of time into this thread, so you do what is good for you :)

I really did have to think to not be defense in my response to the practice evaluation...defensiveness is 2nd nature to me....
my response would then be "what kind of song choice would you recommend?" short, not defensive, and asking for the persons advice in a constructive way...

have a great day Mike!!!

NinjaFrodo
Posts: 1263
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am

Post by NinjaFrodo » Sat Oct 30, 2010 4:25 am

Karen L;

You're welcome. It was good to be reminded myself as well. However so-what if we can't do everything the way we want to. There are people around that can always help, give feedback and take us to the hospital if we collapse or go crazy.

I have alot of time available. That feared fantasy thing I had mentioned before, that is pretty much the same as what I suggest. However you do it in order to overcome certain things like anxiety and fear of judgement over a particular issue. This I think could benefit both of us alot if you wanted to do that? In that you'd play the person making the harsh judgements and I would play you and then we would switch. Its a great way to eliminate anxiety for say situations like that last one you had when you went to pick up your daughter but was afraid of what her friends would think.

Ya it is hard and in the heat of the moment even harder. I remember when I was first learning to be assertive I would do that and still use the angry tone of voice. It takes some time.

Well if it was Simon Cowel I don't think he would give you a song choice but more of a "it doesn't matter because you'll never have a singing career" kind of message. So lets go with that response. Lets just say this judge doesn't want to spend too much time on the contestants and really doesn't have hope for people. I'm not purposely trying to make this difficult but more to make it realistic.

Have a great day to you too. I got 2 house parties to go to in costume!


Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087

You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog

http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/

NinjaFrodo
Posts: 1263
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am

Post by NinjaFrodo » Sat Oct 30, 2010 6:26 am

My response to the assertive practice (That was terrible);

Compared to some of the really talented people you've come across it definately might have seemed terrible. What about it did you find terrible.

And if the response was the same one that I suggested to Karen that her response was I would probabbly say. "I'm sorry that you found me so terrible and In your mind I probabbly don't seem to have what it takes to have a career in singing"



Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087

You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog

http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/

NinjaFrodo
Posts: 1263
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am

Post by NinjaFrodo » Sat Oct 30, 2010 7:13 am

My ideas, opinions, feelings and needs matter. I deserve respect and I deserve to stand up for myself. When I'm assertive it doesn't matter how the other person responds because I'm doing it for myself and not for them. No matter what response I get, I will continue to stick to my guns.

Friday;

Thought replacement
1)I'll never be able to say the things I need to, to get my point across.
[Overgeneralization, Minimization]
(examine the evidence)
->I have gotten my point across in the past many times, I have the ability to grow with my assertiveness skills, I am more clear minded when I am calm, I can increase my ability to calm myself down fast, I can write out what I need to say before-hand.

2)I will never get past my need to defend myself.
[Overgeneralization, Minimization]
(double standard)
->I'm already doing a great job as it is with changing this. I work on it on a daily basis, I've been assertive many times and the more I use the assertiveness skills the more secure I will become and the more I will ingrain in my head why defensiveness doesn't work.

3)I should be relaxing myself more.
[should]
(acceptance-semantic)
->I have fallen behind on that goal of relaxation and it would be more beneficial to get back into it because it'll reduce time spent in an anxious/panicky state and I will be able to access more of my brain as well.

4)I can't get a job, I can't handle the anxiety.
[All-Or-Nothing, Minimization]
(Double standard)
->I've done very well with my skills and have handled tough situations regardless of feeling anxious and in fact I've handled them even better lately than I did when I was working full-time at Tim Hortons. I can do it and its ok to let people know that I do feel anxious if it gets too overwhelming for me. People will be there to help me if I need it.

5)There's too much anxiety, I can't handle the bewilderment.
[Magnification, minimization, all-or-nothing]
(examine the evidence)
->I endure it everyday so I handle it on a daily basis, I socialize even with the social anxiety, I know its just a body symptom and not a sign I'm going crazy, I've dealt with worse anxiety and got through it, I have skills to reduce the anxiety.



MIke
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087

You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog

http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/

NinjaFrodo
Posts: 1263
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am

Post by NinjaFrodo » Sat Oct 30, 2010 7:41 am

Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087

You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog

http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/

mcshope
Posts: 259
Joined: Thu Jul 22, 2010 9:02 am

Post by mcshope » Sat Oct 30, 2010 8:21 am

Mike,

If you think on how much better you are since you started the program (yes 6 years ago), you'll realize that you keep moving forward. Just think of all the things that you have accomplished in all those years. I do think that it is a process, hopefully we will never be done improving.

I do not regret having the surgery, I just have to adapt to the changes. I guess a lot of women go thru that with menopause, I just had to go thru it a little sooner. I am taking hormones, which help a little. I just have to be more careful with what I eat and go with the flow if I can't fall asleep. Fortunately I am not working, so is not that I have to wake up and go to work. I just have to adapt my schedule.

Please don't feel intimidated by my degree. Honestly that is one reason why I do not mention my degree, people tend to feel intimidated or feel that I will be analizing every word they say. I do enjoy your posts and I think we all learn from eachother, no matter the degrees or anything. We all have experiences to share and I love to hear what other people think.

I found some lavander oil at the "natural store"... I ise it with those warmers for candles. Love it

I guess my response would be... I think I need to practice more, however what song you think is more appropiate?

I like the song. Bad experiences make us grow if we let them.

Take care and have a nice weekend.
Hope
"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, it empties today of its strength." – Unknown

Karen L
Posts: 181
Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 11:09 pm

Post by Karen L » Sat Oct 30, 2010 9:28 am

just wanted to share a video my kids made for me last year..when I missed my grandson's 2nd birthday...I do have some awesome kids :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...eLTo&feature=related

I dont ever want to miss anything again :)

mcshope
Posts: 259
Joined: Thu Jul 22, 2010 9:02 am

Post by mcshope » Sat Oct 30, 2010 9:33 am

Karen,

Change is never easy, specially for us, we like to have things under control. Sometimes change comes unexpected, others it comes because we are looking for it. It takes time, however it is worth it. Be patient and good to yourself. The anxiety is a good excuse to not face the things we are affraid of, however it also limits our world. I have been at home for almost 6 months and I know I am missing things, but I still don't feel strong enough.
I have to get used to take it one day at a time.

Are you receiving unemployment or dissability?... I am not and sometimes I feel that I really need to go back to work.

I have been doing more things outside the house, which is good. However most of the time is by myself, which really helps me with my anxiety. If I have to be with more people my anxiety goes up like crazy. It has taken me a long time to accept this and continue working on it.

Yes, hormones really do a lot of things to us. However I do not regret the surgery. I am 43 and the doctor said I still had about 10 years to go into menopause. I had endometriosis and ovarian cysts, so you can imagine that the surgery was a huge relief. I also had menstrual cramps every month since I was 12 years old, so having no monthly pain is wonderful. For the night sweats, someone recomended to drink a couple spoons of lime juice, I never tried it, but it could work.

I think people in the medical field suffer from anxiety because we are supposed to act like if we really know what we are doing, when most of the time we are just figuring it out. It seems that we have to look like we have everything under control.

I have always been an anxious person, however I was able to do a lot. It has been only lately that my anxiety has made me home bound... or almost home bound. I have been living in the US for 10 years and only the last 2 years have been extremely difficult.

Keep doing a little every day.. I am sure that there will be a day when we'll be able to drive all over town without even thinking it is a big deal.

Take care
Hope
"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, it empties today of its strength." – Unknown

mcshope
Posts: 259
Joined: Thu Jul 22, 2010 9:02 am

Post by mcshope » Sat Oct 30, 2010 9:49 am

Karen,
The video is great. You are a very lucky woman.
Hope
"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, it empties today of its strength." – Unknown

THH
Posts: 860
Joined: Mon May 10, 2010 10:53 am

Post by THH » Sat Oct 30, 2010 2:40 pm

Karen,
You are loved!!!! ;)
What a nice video...

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