This next example is actually one of my negative thoughts. I'm going to utilize the communication techniques to handle this one as if it came from another person. This is actually a method called the feared fantasy method which I have talked about in detail in my lesson 9 of the challenge;
The Feared Fantasy Method
What happens is you do some roleplaying. One person is the "angry critic" which is an imaginary person who says the meanest things (which are actually your own negative thoughts. its a projection really) and you. The person says something really mean and you disarm them or inquire more information and you basically learn how to handle this situation at the same time as putting the lie to your negative thoughts on a gut level. This has the potential to change alot of irrational beliefs and our viewpoints on a permenant level. This is my first attempt though so I don't have much experience with it...only with reading it and the communication techniques.
Ok so my situation is that emotions from me being molested are starting to come up. I am dealing with alot of shame right now. Shame about how my body reacted during the actual act.
Angry Critic: You are a Discusting piece of s***!
Me: Sounds like you are upset with me. Just what about me makes me discusting?
Angry Critic: You felt pleasure when some old man took advantage of you as a kid.
Me: Yes my body did respond to the stimulation with pleasure at that time. Do you feel that wasn't suppose to happen?
Angry Critic: No it shouldn't have happened! It's sick! You are sick!
Me: Ok so you think I should have responded diffrently then. How would you expect me to respond? And what is it about me that makes me sick?
Angry Critic: I don't know, you just shouldn't have liked it! That makes you sick!
Me: So you say I'm sick because my body reacted to the sexual stimulation with pleasure? Or what?
Angry Critic: Yes you should have been repulsed by it.
Me: Well I definately am repulsed by the idea now but how was I suppose to know any better back then?
Angry Critic: It was an older male who you were related to.
Me: Yes it was an older male and he is related to me and it sounds to me like you're saying I should have known better. Is this right?
Angry Critic: Yes you should have! You shouldn't have let it happen!
Me: Your right if I knew now what I did back then, then I wouldn't have let it happen and I would have told another adult and I wish I did know what was going on.
Angry Critic: But he did stuff with your private parts. That was wrong!
Me: Yeah it was wrong, he took advantage of me and of his power as an adult.
Angry Critic: But if you enjoyed it, this must mean you condoned it and that you will do that to children yourself.
Me: I definately enjoyed it when I thought it was right. Do you think I will become an abuser because I enjoyed it?
Angry Critic: Yes
Me: I have definately worried about this happening myself many times and some people who were sexually abused do become offenders. Do you think think they all turn into abusers?
Angry Critic: Well no I guess not but some still do.
Me: Yes a small fraction of them do. Do you think I am one of those small fraction of people?
Angry Critic: Yes because you don't sound ashamed of it.
Me: So do you think that being ashamed is the only thing stopping me from turning into one of those people?
Angry Critic: I do because if you enjoyed it then you must think it is right.
Me: Do you think that because I enjoyed it back then that I enjoy it right now?
Angry Critic: Yes I do with the way you are talking about it.
Me: I enjoy sexual stimulation in general for sure now and I enjoyed it back then as well. I'm really sorry if you are having a problem accepting this but the body is ment to respond to sexual stimulation with pleasure and if I can't accept that then I can't allow myself to enjoy it now. In all reality this was an adult figure who I should have been able to trust that broke this trust and took advantage of my innocense and lack of power. He should have known better then that! The pain only started after I realized years later what he had done, I became depressed and even contemplated suicide, it kept me from enjoying pleasure sexually and interfered with relationships and I wouldn't wish this upon anybody!
Ok well I do feel alot better but I think I'm going to work on this script a little more and refrence back on the feeling good handbook when I get home because this sounds kind of robotic and I think that If I can make it more human like, it will have an even bigger impact on me!
Mike