Assertiveness practice

Respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself; your feelings, concerns, and opinions and ask for what you want. Also, learn how to say “no” without feeling guilty
creamcheesepuff
Posts: 87
Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2010 9:37 pm

Post by creamcheesepuff » Sat Nov 13, 2010 3:53 pm

Excellent post Mike.....when events are occurring in our lives it takes a strong person to step back, view the situation as a whole, evaluate yourself and your reaction to it all and try to be an outsider looking in. If the view can be taken by one person that way, I think we would be able to FIX whatever errors, mistakes and misunderstandings we have been making throughout our lives. Unfortunately we must all work at this. Some people may be blessed with ignoring stress, dealing with it effectively and not letting it affect their emotional and physical status. Some are less fortunate. We also must focus on dealing with those that are accelerating/fueling the situation with coming to an compatible and peaceful solution. This is also a major task.
If the person is NOT accepting to change a difficult situation, it is therefore futile. This is the unfortunate side of it all. We just just focus on keeping ourselves sane, strong and separate from those who are non willing to change any bad situation for the better. If we are strong, their weaknesses/shortcomings will not affect us anymore.

creamcheesepuff
Posts: 87
Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2010 9:37 pm

Post by creamcheesepuff » Sat Nov 13, 2010 4:05 pm

Mike, We were taught to respond as non judgemental empathetic, walking zombies. It IS VERY difficult not to react to people who are mentally unstable, terminal illness, screaming irrational juveniles etc.....NOT REACTING IS DRAINING also...because you are withholding a normally inate reaction that protects yourself....you are familiar with the Fight or Flight syndrome, yes? So...by the time you arrived home it felt as though the crap was kicked out of you or someone used you for a punching bag and you felt like you didnt react when IN FACT YOU DID!!! you internalized all those normal feelings that should normally be let out. I am through with that part of Nursing, even dealing with the scores of meds that people must take each day is just so upsetting. I have seen few people in my line of Nursing return to a normal state of living. I am a Geriatric Nurse. Although as a YOUNG society with TV so blantantly focused on being young, staying young, looking young, feeling young its sad that the elderly are shortchanged and not given the proper respect they deserve.
We all are heading there. NO one can stop it.

NinjaFrodo
Posts: 1263
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am

Post by NinjaFrodo » Sat Nov 13, 2010 4:05 pm

Thank you creamcheese. It is very challenging to do that! I have a hard time coming up with responses on here let alone in actual one on one situations. I agree with you completely when you talk about this view point being able to fix whatever errors, mistakes and misunderstandings we have been making throughout our lives but most people don't know how to do this. They don't know how to communicate and listen and its just sad.

My sister is a great example of someone to accelerate/fuel a situation. In fact in my opinion out of everybody I've met she would be the one to give me the most trouble!

Unfortunately your right, some people aren't willing to change a difficult situation but the only way to find that out is by trying right? We do what we can for ourselves and then we deal with it from there. If ending that relationship with that person is the best next step and most beneficial thing to do, then we just have to do it!

I think I might start to throw in some of my negative thoughts into this mix and respond to them as if they were another person. I'm curious as to how that might turn out!


Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087

You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog

http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/

NinjaFrodo
Posts: 1263
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am

Post by NinjaFrodo » Sat Nov 13, 2010 4:14 pm

creamcheese how did you post a response to my post at the exact same time I posted it? Did you predict my answer?

Ah I'm assuming when you say "we" you mean nurses. I'm very aware of the fight or flight both in experience and on an intellectual level yes. I can't say I know exactly what its like to be in that situation but I can relate to the constant fight or flight of my generalized anxiety. Its really difficult to handle and life just becomes one big struggle just to cope and there isn't any energy left for other things. There has got to be a way to overcome that kind of struggle in the field of nursing! I do not know the answer though. It really does sound like you have a hard time doing that job because of all the negativity of those people.

It gives the impression that being old is bad! Too bad it isn't like it is with indian tribes...elderly people are more respected and envyed.


Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087

You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog

http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/

creamcheesepuff
Posts: 87
Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2010 9:37 pm

Post by creamcheesepuff » Sat Nov 13, 2010 4:15 pm

Mike in my last post when I said "We" I meant Nurses. Some medical professionals may disagree with me wholeheartedly, but the Health care system doe not deal with THE WHOLE BODY/MIND INTERACTION WITH ALL PHYSICAL AND MENTAL STATES. We as humans have the great use of the computer, much like our own brains minus organic material and it benefits us greatly, however there is always a down side to things as we know in most everything in this world. I at this point are practicing with a best friend who truley is a great true blue friend. But there are times where he is just so irate, so critical, so annoying and he turns it all around like its my fault. Its amazing because as we are arguing or heavily discussing something I am listening to his remarks and my comments and vice versa.....when You have the time, the wits about you, the nerve, the guts to LISTEN to the communication that is taking place between 2 arguing parties is just incredible. The persistence he has into Winning the fight while I back up and walk quietly away is just astounding. The FIGHT that remains behind after you thought it was over, (like a campfire smoldering after the campers left already and it turns into an all out blaze) is just amazing. The NEED to WIN, that agony of defeat cannot be accepted by some. I have yet to find out what cause that.

creamcheesepuff
Posts: 87
Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2010 9:37 pm

Post by creamcheesepuff » Sat Nov 13, 2010 4:25 pm

Ah, Genuine ESP? Intuition? Just being on the same thought level.
Anxiety.....yes...that aggravating, overbearing emotional sunami we feel. Its just plain annoying. I think to myself....why worry when something didnt happen yet, why are you becoming a basket case and blowing something so small out of the water. NOTHING HAPPENS....NOTHING...that energy I just spent is wasted. I wish I could elimate most of the things I spend alot of time worrying about, but I feel some of it IS Important and NEEDS THAT SPECIAL ATTENTION.....for if all of us STOPPED WORRYING the world would be MUCH MUCH WORSE. No one would care about anything. Thank God we do have worriers within limits out there.

Paisleegreen
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Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Post by Paisleegreen » Sun Nov 14, 2010 5:07 am

Wow, Cream Cheese, I'm with you! I have those type of personalities in my family and married to one. People on the outside would think he was very patient, because he is quiet. He really isn't. While raising our children, I would be more intune to what the kids were doing so I would stop some needless bickering, knowing that it was going to get into a full blown argument.

DH waits until its worse adn then yells a thte kids, or spanks them, loses his temper saying hurtful things. When all he needed to do was stop it at the beginning. But he is afraid that
they might not like him. They are your kids they aren't going to like you, they need boundaries!

So anyway, that is what I've had to live with and it has always been frustrating. I think it is a pattern he learned from his father, and probably from the Grandfather.

It really makes having discussions difficult, because he is so sensitive and yet not in other ways. Does that make sense? I'm always the one reading self-help books and more interested in making things work. But some learn by listening and watching, while assimilate knowledge through books and classes.

Thanks for speaking up for the Elderly. I think that is really what society wants to ignore, not realizing that they are getting older day by day. There will be miracle cures, but we all have to die, so our body is just going to age. So no matter what fantastic cream is made, it isn't going to make a difference.

NinjaFrodo
Posts: 1263
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am

Post by NinjaFrodo » Sun Nov 14, 2010 5:16 am

We had talked a few times about that in collage (I was in collage for an alternative medical therapy) in fact we were talking about how they have to disconnect just like you said about not getting sucked in emotionally. Sometimes you just have to look at people as machines instead of spirits or else you could get too emotionally involved, do you agree?

Yeah computers do give us alot of information however it can be bad for people who are trying to win the argument, I know I've done that many times!

Winning the argument is like an automatic human response. I have done it many times and have alienated many people because of it. We don't think about how the other person is feeling at all we just focus on how we feel and how we want the other person to listen to our side of the story and of course when the other person doesn't feel listened to then they don't want to listen to that other person and it becomes a never ending war! I haven't had too many situations where I got to listen to 2 people argue but it is intresting to see some of the stuff I've been learning in action from a 3rd person's point of view.

I can really relate to how your friend has been. When I was growing up and going through some really horrible stuff I would try to talk to some people and I knew they were paying full attention to me but it still didn't sound like they were listening and understanding me. They would just sit there and say ok and maybe ask 1 question to get some detail but never asked how I felt or empathize with me and so It just sounded to me like they were hearing what I was saying but were thinking I'm sorry you're just going to have a miserable life. Do you think maybe your friend could be similar in that context?

Yeah like most emotions worry is important. It gives the message that we need to prepare and it can push us to be productive. If we had no worry then many things might just slip our mind like "saftey". Its useful in some cases but for us we take it way too far. What kinds of worries are you struggling with?


Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087

You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog

http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/

NinjaFrodo
Posts: 1263
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am

Post by NinjaFrodo » Sun Nov 14, 2010 1:46 pm

Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087

You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog

http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/

THH
Posts: 860
Joined: Mon May 10, 2010 10:53 am

Post by THH » Sun Nov 14, 2010 1:52 pm

Great job you guys! I enjoyed reading all the post.
Thanks creamsheese for speaking for the elderly. as you so nicely put, we are all heading there. Most of my friends are older, and I visit many old ones, who society don't care for anymore. They have such great story's and can show us how to age with grace. Shame on our culture! :mad:

Mike, your right. Native Indians learned the wisdom of the elders. They did not grow old not knowing nothing as young people now day would like to believe. The old ones, were wise, healers, kept the people safe. Maybe we should listen to them before they are all gone? ;)

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