Assertiveness practice

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Tue Nov 09, 2010 6:52 am

We are practicing this dialogue even though my parents have passed on. Right?

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Tue Nov 09, 2010 7:50 am

Assuming you obsess over the situation and relive it over and over again I'd say it would probabbly be more beneficial to treat it as if the situation were the present. At that time you couldn't predict what was going to happen with 100% certainty so lets continue with that.

Mike

THH · Post by **THH** » Tue Nov 09, 2010 2:38 pm

Mike I lost my place! LOL.... I could not even find this thread! Geez lots has been going on.... Thats good though.

Me-You mean I've never shown up when you invited me?

(HOw would he respond to this?)

X- I ask you all the time to do things with me and you never do anything with me. Just like I call you and you have that stupid call waiting thing. I hate it.

Me- I do things with you when I have the time, and I'm sorry its not as much as you would like. We have a business and I need to have call waiting as customers complain when they can not get though. You can call late in the day when incoming calls are lower.

X- I'm not calling later. If you want to talk to me you can find me.

creamcheesepuff · Post by **creamcheesepuff** » Tue Nov 09, 2010 3:40 pm

It all sounds like this person is a "Big Control person" Sounds like a role reversal is in order here. creamcheese

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Tue Nov 09, 2010 5:52 pm

Okay, Mike, you are good. You definitely can tell that this has been very painful to me and frustrating because I have had to swallow a lot of pain when with my siblings. The only sibling that really understands one way is the sister that lives alone w/Lucinda's CDs. And a brother that we helped when he got Leukemia. Both received an inheritance and both never gave help or much time and attention to my Dad like DH & I did.

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Tue Nov 09, 2010 6:23 pm

THH;

Maybe it would be good to make a link to this thread in my signature, would that be more beneficial?

I'm not so convinced that my response was a good one. I guess it really depends on the tone of voice used with it but no matter...we can still continue.

X-What are you doing on the 5th of January? I'm going to have dinner. I want all your family to come. You know how they are?

Me-Well X its really too far off for me to know so get back to me when the time comes closer

X-See how you are?

ME-No, How am I? (inquiry)

X-You don't ever come down here. I invite you all the time

Me-You mean I've never shown up when you invited me?

X-I ask you all the time to do things with me and you never do anything with me. Just like I call you and you have that stupid call waiting thing. I hate it.

Me-You sound really upset with me. It seems like you invite me to do things with you but I don't do them. You must feel really lonely and ignored whenever I turn down your invitations, is that right?

Mike

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Tue Nov 09, 2010 6:27 pm

If you are talking about Paisleegreen's father then I would have to agree both with the control as well as the role reversal. I'm not sure that we have enough to go on with the role reversal here yet though. I think I need one more response to work with.

Paisleegreen can you give me one more response and then I'll try to come up with a feedback/negotiation to end it off and then we can try role reversal.

This is the response I'd like you to respond to

DH; I understand you are in your 70s and are looking out for your future with your medical bills. They can get very expensive! Do you feel that the rent that we'll be (or that we are) paying will not be sufficient enough to cover this?

Mike

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Wed Nov 10, 2010 5:44 am

Hmmm...this is hard.

Dad--The rent is adequate, I don't think you can build your business w/o my help enough to get a loan on your own while I'm still alive. You're a poor businessman.

THH · Post by **THH** » Wed Nov 10, 2010 7:55 am

Mike,
Thats good! Thats really good! I like this approach.

Mike, I don't know what making a link to your sigature is???

I'll find it, it justs takes a little bit. LOL...

THH · Post by **THH** » Wed Nov 10, 2010 8:53 am

Mike, I found your link! LOL.... Thank you... you are a dear!