Being assertive

good82life · Post by **good82life** » Thu Dec 27, 2007 4:29 pm

My question is when when you start to be assertive does everyone does everyone at first make the other person feel bad or is that just with some people? Another thing is i think I subcontiously state to get negative so I dont be assertive does anyone else do that?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Dec 27, 2007 4:51 pm

You have a right to your opinion, feelings and to be heard. It should not be your intention to make someone feel bad but not to cower or be afraid to state your point by looking the person directly in the eye and talking with a calm voice. If someone is feeling bad was your voice harsh? Or maybe they're just not used to you being that way. I have a co-worker who is used to telling me what to do. She was leaving her shift and I said she needed to take the garbage out. She said she'd get her jacket dirty. I said, the evening girls take it out at night and you take it in the morning. She said, well, there's 2 of you and I said, and there's 2 of you. She took it out in a huff. Did I say anything wrong? No. She just wasn't used to me talking that way. I mentioned I was having a bunch of the gals over for a Christmas get together the next day and asked if she was coming. She shrugged her shoulders. I did nothing wrong, if she doesn't come, it's her problem.

Yes, we can become negative ourselves or resist conflict so we aren't as assertive as we may need to be. It takes time to learn this skill so don't worry but practice and keep listening to the tape.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Dec 30, 2007 8:11 pm

Hello someone. I just happened to sign in and saw the topic on being assertive. I am really going through some of this myself. I usually become very loud when I have to confront someone, and make the situation much worst than i had plan on doing.I really need to master this skill, I am so fed up with all these thoughts running through my mind after the fact. I MUST learn how to speak up, and I intend on doing it. Please give me some feedback. I brought the program a couple of months ago, and only got through the first tape before i put it down. God just was saying to me for the upteen time, that his people perish for the lack of knownledge.Its not just bible knownledge, and the knownledge of God, but it's also the knowledge in the earthrealm that is there to assist us to come out of all these strongholds in our life. It is the new year, and I'm going to start the program again this week. Please pray for me, I am very inconsistent.

barbgavon · Post by **barbgavon** » Mon Dec 31, 2007 12:44 am

I really believe that assertiveness takes great skill and practice. We can be assertive in a very bossy way that is not constructive. I have never been an outspoken person, mainly because I don't respond well to that approach. I have struggled with inferiority and I've had to really develop an assertiveness that is more my style, as well as comfortable with my temperment. I used to be quite an introvert. After going back to college and finishing my degree later in life, I finally revealed the extrovert in me. I am now able to be confrontive without the fear of rejection. I once heard it said that no one can make you feel inferior without your permission. When we speak our mind I think we should be mindful of the other person or people involved and be sensitive to the issue at hand. I have learned that warming up to the party involved helps to build a better rapport, especially with family and friends we love. Hope this helps!