Suzanne:
I am so happy for you! God does answer prayer.
Now you will begin to feel better.
Best of luck to you!
MaryJane
My coworker makes me sick!
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GardenFairy
- Posts: 20
- Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 5:04 am
Hi Kumiko, hi Cornflower!
Thank you for your replies.
Yes, I am really thankful for this unexpected change.
However, I feel terrible,and I ask myself why.
The old game: something good is happening, but I feel bad and my anxiety is even getting worse.... I can cope with the normal symptoms of anxiety, but lately I have had these thoughts of hurting someone or going insane, very often. WHY???
I gave my life into the hands of God, and I can really see how he changes my life, how he takes care of my problems one by one. Shouldn´t that make me happy and feel relieved?
Can it be that I have gotten used to feel like crap, even if something good happens??
Can it be that I "think" I don´t deserve good things to happen in my life because what I have been through the last 2 years in my job has hardly destroyed my self-esteem?
I had been put on this job (without being asked)exactly at the same time when my husband went to Switzerland for a new job, and I was alone with my daughter since. Both changes caused severe fears for me.
Everything I had to learn there was totally new to me, and the person who introduced me into my job disliked me from day one and didn´t make a secret of it. I tried to get along with her because I was dependend on her.
No matter how hard I tried, my work never seemed to be good enough, I never got any approval and felt rejected as a person. Our boss was always nice to me, but we didn´t have much to do with each other.
Another thing I worry about: I´m convinced that my friend will sooner or later get the same problems with my job that I had! Even if my co-worker will treat her better than me, the whole atmosphere in that department is frosty.
My friend knew everything about the problems I had with my co-worker. But she looks foward to the interesting work and also will get a little promotion then. I know that I´m not responsible, but ...
Another thing that confuses me: the personnel boss also talked to my boss about the change of jobs. (I had never involved him into my problems because I thought he was on my cop-workers side, anyway...) Now I learned - not from him - that he KNEW about our problems and wasn´t surprised to hear that I want to change!! So why did he never interfere? What a coward!
Now everything is decided, the change will probably take place in November. However, we all go on with our work, and neither my boss nor my co-worker says ANYTHING. Isn´t that weird? As if nothing has happened. I remember that my co-worker always reacted as if our problems only existed in my head, you know... Can it be that THIS also confuses me, because my feelings and my perception don´t match?
Please excuse me, but I really need some advice in this situation....
Thank you for your replies.
Yes, I am really thankful for this unexpected change.
However, I feel terrible,and I ask myself why.
The old game: something good is happening, but I feel bad and my anxiety is even getting worse.... I can cope with the normal symptoms of anxiety, but lately I have had these thoughts of hurting someone or going insane, very often. WHY???
I gave my life into the hands of God, and I can really see how he changes my life, how he takes care of my problems one by one. Shouldn´t that make me happy and feel relieved?
Can it be that I have gotten used to feel like crap, even if something good happens??
Can it be that I "think" I don´t deserve good things to happen in my life because what I have been through the last 2 years in my job has hardly destroyed my self-esteem?
I had been put on this job (without being asked)exactly at the same time when my husband went to Switzerland for a new job, and I was alone with my daughter since. Both changes caused severe fears for me.
Everything I had to learn there was totally new to me, and the person who introduced me into my job disliked me from day one and didn´t make a secret of it. I tried to get along with her because I was dependend on her.
No matter how hard I tried, my work never seemed to be good enough, I never got any approval and felt rejected as a person. Our boss was always nice to me, but we didn´t have much to do with each other.
Another thing I worry about: I´m convinced that my friend will sooner or later get the same problems with my job that I had! Even if my co-worker will treat her better than me, the whole atmosphere in that department is frosty.
My friend knew everything about the problems I had with my co-worker. But she looks foward to the interesting work and also will get a little promotion then. I know that I´m not responsible, but ...
Another thing that confuses me: the personnel boss also talked to my boss about the change of jobs. (I had never involved him into my problems because I thought he was on my cop-workers side, anyway...) Now I learned - not from him - that he KNEW about our problems and wasn´t surprised to hear that I want to change!! So why did he never interfere? What a coward!
Now everything is decided, the change will probably take place in November. However, we all go on with our work, and neither my boss nor my co-worker says ANYTHING. Isn´t that weird? As if nothing has happened. I remember that my co-worker always reacted as if our problems only existed in my head, you know... Can it be that THIS also confuses me, because my feelings and my perception don´t match?
Please excuse me, but I really need some advice in this situation....
Hi!
You feel terrible for reasons I can get to later.
You are right and I think it is a part of the anxiety "illness" when you feel good something in your mind thinks it is not supposed to be that way. It seems like our mind is reprogrammed to be on gaurd at all times! I felt that way a lot and still do sometimes. My good day or good time is a set up for a panic attack from heck or something bad is about to happen or I'm going to die. I don't know what to do about that but I tell myself to just enjoy that breeze and this beautiful day and be blessed. My life and health could be worse.
You have to keep faith in the Lord and continue to pray everyday when the times are good and bad.
To be honest your job atmosphere is toxic. Maybe that is where the hurting someone/going insane thoughts are coming from. The whole atmosphere is negative and when you said the personnel boss knew about your problems and that he and your co workers don't say anything. I am sure they do but you do not hear it. I wish you could get another job elsewhere. With any job there will be people who you do not like or do not like you vice versa and you could be somewhere and things are worse but I do not think you will be happy in that job and in that negative atmosphere. Misery loves company and they are having a good time together!!
Keep in touch and let me know how things go during your transition if it happens. I am not trying to be a "negative ninny" but people in the work place cannot be trusted too much and I would not be surprised if something else happens at this job. Just hold your head up and keep thinking positive even though the atmosphere does not warrant it and stay in line with God. He will lead your decisions if you listen to him. I mean listen to your insticts!
Stay in prayer and doing the program. Isn't there a chapter on self esteem? Maybe you should review that. You need to learn how to trust yourself and learn how to like and depend on yourself!
I can also relate to how your husbands traveling changed your life. When we moved to a different state, my husband started to travel and it was me and my son who was 3 at the time were alone in a different state with no family or friends even though I liked and wanted to be where I was. I had fear and that is when my anxiety got worse and it was the worse time in my life anxiety wise. I had to learn how to depend on myself and not depend on my husband. I mean that is what mariage is about but I could not fall apart every time he left. I had to grow as a woman and it was tough but I did for me and my sons. I had never been away from my home state and my family and for the first few years of marriage we were always together but when he started traveling and was gone for 5 days or more I would just curl into a ball and be miserable and afraid because I was alone. My husband is my rock but I have learned to depend on myself like I thought I had but I realized I did not because my mother would eventually come home and I left home to get married and was together with him. I thought I was independant but I guess I was not because the first time in my life when I was alone and in the new state and I was really alone, i could not handle it. I went to college but I was in the same state and could come home on the weekends so I really was not independant in that way anyways my point is that you have to do the program and focus on the excersises. I can't remember what lesson it was but that is how I came to realize that I feared being alone and always had someone around and I was independant but not independant. Be honest with your self and you have to re evealuate yourself and find out who you are, what you want out of your life and yourself and learn to love you all over again. You are a wonderful person and God loves you and that is all you need. Of course your husband does too:-)
If you want, please PM me and let me know how things are going. I am rooting for you and your personal progress.
You feel terrible for reasons I can get to later.
You are right and I think it is a part of the anxiety "illness" when you feel good something in your mind thinks it is not supposed to be that way. It seems like our mind is reprogrammed to be on gaurd at all times! I felt that way a lot and still do sometimes. My good day or good time is a set up for a panic attack from heck or something bad is about to happen or I'm going to die. I don't know what to do about that but I tell myself to just enjoy that breeze and this beautiful day and be blessed. My life and health could be worse.
You have to keep faith in the Lord and continue to pray everyday when the times are good and bad.
To be honest your job atmosphere is toxic. Maybe that is where the hurting someone/going insane thoughts are coming from. The whole atmosphere is negative and when you said the personnel boss knew about your problems and that he and your co workers don't say anything. I am sure they do but you do not hear it. I wish you could get another job elsewhere. With any job there will be people who you do not like or do not like you vice versa and you could be somewhere and things are worse but I do not think you will be happy in that job and in that negative atmosphere. Misery loves company and they are having a good time together!!
Keep in touch and let me know how things go during your transition if it happens. I am not trying to be a "negative ninny" but people in the work place cannot be trusted too much and I would not be surprised if something else happens at this job. Just hold your head up and keep thinking positive even though the atmosphere does not warrant it and stay in line with God. He will lead your decisions if you listen to him. I mean listen to your insticts!
Stay in prayer and doing the program. Isn't there a chapter on self esteem? Maybe you should review that. You need to learn how to trust yourself and learn how to like and depend on yourself!
I can also relate to how your husbands traveling changed your life. When we moved to a different state, my husband started to travel and it was me and my son who was 3 at the time were alone in a different state with no family or friends even though I liked and wanted to be where I was. I had fear and that is when my anxiety got worse and it was the worse time in my life anxiety wise. I had to learn how to depend on myself and not depend on my husband. I mean that is what mariage is about but I could not fall apart every time he left. I had to grow as a woman and it was tough but I did for me and my sons. I had never been away from my home state and my family and for the first few years of marriage we were always together but when he started traveling and was gone for 5 days or more I would just curl into a ball and be miserable and afraid because I was alone. My husband is my rock but I have learned to depend on myself like I thought I had but I realized I did not because my mother would eventually come home and I left home to get married and was together with him. I thought I was independant but I guess I was not because the first time in my life when I was alone and in the new state and I was really alone, i could not handle it. I went to college but I was in the same state and could come home on the weekends so I really was not independant in that way anyways my point is that you have to do the program and focus on the excersises. I can't remember what lesson it was but that is how I came to realize that I feared being alone and always had someone around and I was independant but not independant. Be honest with your self and you have to re evealuate yourself and find out who you are, what you want out of your life and yourself and learn to love you all over again. You are a wonderful person and God loves you and that is all you need. Of course your husband does too:-)
If you want, please PM me and let me know how things are going. I am rooting for you and your personal progress.
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GardenFairy
- Posts: 20
- Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 5:04 am
Dear Kumiko,
thank you so much for your reply!!
Yes, we should be able to feel safe even if we are alone. But being separated from your husband shouldn´t be "normal", either.
In my case it was the end of my marriage, we had severe problems anyway, and we are going to get divorced anyway. But that´s another story. That decision to leave him was right, but it made my fears get worse again.
By the way, I don´t have Lucinda´s program, I can´t afford it and I´m not sure if it would work for me as English isn´t my native language.
While thinking about your comment concerning my working situation, I must agreee: "toxic atmosphere" is a good description. So I ´m even more glad that I will leave here. However, I will work in another department on another floor. I will take care of the files of different departments so I will not be as dependent as I am now...
thank you so much for your reply!!
Yes, we should be able to feel safe even if we are alone. But being separated from your husband shouldn´t be "normal", either.
In my case it was the end of my marriage, we had severe problems anyway, and we are going to get divorced anyway. But that´s another story. That decision to leave him was right, but it made my fears get worse again.
By the way, I don´t have Lucinda´s program, I can´t afford it and I´m not sure if it would work for me as English isn´t my native language.
While thinking about your comment concerning my working situation, I must agreee: "toxic atmosphere" is a good description. So I ´m even more glad that I will leave here. However, I will work in another department on another floor. I will take care of the files of different departments so I will not be as dependent as I am now...
Elizabeth,
I apologize I assumed you were still married and your husband traveled. I can smpathize about being alone though.
I wonder about the program and if they have international program that encompasses diefferent languages. Worth checking out. I would not mind sending you my tapes or the cards that came with the program so you can read them everyday. I was blessed to get the program on Ebay for a good deal but I was patient and waited over a year but I got the program.
I am glad you are on a different floor and away from the other workers. That should relieve a lot of stress and you will be able to go to work everyday without your stomach in knots from nerves and just being uncomfortable and not happy.
Keep us posted on how things go. I do check up on the forum every once in awhile.
I apologize I assumed you were still married and your husband traveled. I can smpathize about being alone though.
I wonder about the program and if they have international program that encompasses diefferent languages. Worth checking out. I would not mind sending you my tapes or the cards that came with the program so you can read them everyday. I was blessed to get the program on Ebay for a good deal but I was patient and waited over a year but I got the program.
I am glad you are on a different floor and away from the other workers. That should relieve a lot of stress and you will be able to go to work everyday without your stomach in knots from nerves and just being uncomfortable and not happy.
Keep us posted on how things go. I do check up on the forum every once in awhile.
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lockdo
