OK, I'm angry right now.
There's this girl who I know who came onto me very strongly months ago, too strongly, and in front of her friends too, and I was alone. It put me in an embarrassing and stressful situation.
See, I haven't had much luck with women, even if they like what they see, I'm old fashioned and don't like the 'jetset' attitude among people now (though I feel I am changing in this regard due to the program).
Anyway, like I said, she was attracted to me and came on VERY strongly, I had not shown ANY INTEREST in her though, until just the last week. Now she's completely snubbing me!
These stupid games! I hate this, why can't women think before they act? Now I show interest and she snubs me! It's not even that I'm all that attracted to her, and I don't think her and I are a match anyway, but the gall of it! The nerve!
Now, I want to resolve this, and I want to resolve it like a mature adult. First I need to either get her alone and confront her on it, or call her at home one night (that is, her number is listed, she didn't hand it to me). That's my plan, I'm going to ask her 'What's the deal here?'.
Can anyone offer anymore advice? Would any women care to say anything? Do women understand when they do things like this?
Relationship (almost)
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Laura'sJoyIsComingBack
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Mon Feb 04, 2008 9:07 am
Hello Chad: I understand your anger. I recently went through something in a relationship that totally threw me off base. As a woman, all I can tell you is that sometimes there is no understanding for what others do. You can try and analyze the persons behavior, wonder if it was something about you, or simply accept the very real possibility that God just saved you from something that could bring you years of suffering. Be grateful that for whatever reason, especially the things we cannot see, you are being loved from above. Perhaps the person of your dreams is walking your way right now. Let the anger go. Its a true destroyer. Laura
My reply is a little late, but your story interested me...I'm interested to hear what's happened since then,if anything? (BTW, what's the “jet set” mentality you referring to?)
You're absolutely right – it is a protection mechanism. I'll go on a limb and quite unapologetically make a general statement about men and women. In the crazy world of romance/sex, it's just the reality of things – women on the whole are choosier. Men tend to be the candidates, and women tend to be the choosers. Thus, if a guy perceives he has been rejected, odds are it isn't as much of a blow to the ego as if it's the other way around. In your case, this woman might feel that rejecting you back is a way to salvage her pride and recover lost face. Or, she might be happy that you seemed to have changed your mind a week later, but be afraid that she'd look desperate if she just accepted your interest without making you work for it a little. Or she might have genuinely lost interest – women tend to be turned off by perceived indecisiveness in men.
My point is, while romantic games do suck, and suck hard, it's not always realistic to expect that even healthy people will take rejection (real or perceived) completely unphased. Sex and romance are just a completely different ball game. Most of us have a huge amount of self-esteem invested in how attractive we are to the opposite (or same) sex - women especially.
So I suggest to you that there's no need to come at her confrontatively, as though now she's wounded your pride and dammit she had no right to change her mind! The aggressive approach would be “now I'm going to confront her and let her know I don't appreciate being snubbed! The nerve! The gall!”
The assertive approach, on the other hand, would be “So I hesitated. That's okay - I have the right to take some time to think about if I'm interested and how I want to react. If she just can't deal with that, too bad for her. It's her self-esteem problem, and really has little to do with me.”
You're absolutely right – it is a protection mechanism. I'll go on a limb and quite unapologetically make a general statement about men and women. In the crazy world of romance/sex, it's just the reality of things – women on the whole are choosier. Men tend to be the candidates, and women tend to be the choosers. Thus, if a guy perceives he has been rejected, odds are it isn't as much of a blow to the ego as if it's the other way around. In your case, this woman might feel that rejecting you back is a way to salvage her pride and recover lost face. Or, she might be happy that you seemed to have changed your mind a week later, but be afraid that she'd look desperate if she just accepted your interest without making you work for it a little. Or she might have genuinely lost interest – women tend to be turned off by perceived indecisiveness in men.
My point is, while romantic games do suck, and suck hard, it's not always realistic to expect that even healthy people will take rejection (real or perceived) completely unphased. Sex and romance are just a completely different ball game. Most of us have a huge amount of self-esteem invested in how attractive we are to the opposite (or same) sex - women especially.
So I suggest to you that there's no need to come at her confrontatively, as though now she's wounded your pride and dammit she had no right to change her mind! The aggressive approach would be “now I'm going to confront her and let her know I don't appreciate being snubbed! The nerve! The gall!”
The assertive approach, on the other hand, would be “So I hesitated. That's okay - I have the right to take some time to think about if I'm interested and how I want to react. If she just can't deal with that, too bad for her. It's her self-esteem problem, and really has little to do with me.”
X is so right. Timing is everything with women. When we decide we want something, we don't really want to wait to get it. When you didn't accept her advances, you hurt her ego big time. She's just giving you what she thinks you deserve. A little quid pro quo. My advice is not to confront her at all. Just keep toying with her and if she's still interested she'll drop that iron curtain we call the ego and let you back in. Good luck!
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Mary Wargo
- Posts: 274
- Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2008 12:37 pm
I'm curious as to why you feel a need to confront her at all seeing that you weren't even interested to begin with? Is it just because you thought she snubbed you? Or are you genuinely now interested.? Unpredictable and confusing behavior in others can peek your interest but if she's someone you feel isn't even a good match for you - why not let it go?