Some advice please :)

[Lambert]

Hello all, I have 2 recent situations which I would like your advice.

#1 - I work with a fellow who is constantly asking me for things. I am a Community Relations Rep so part of my job is to work on sponsorships of community events and donations.He has asked me for 2 donations to different events recently which I have given him.He also suggests things and I believe he is trying to be helpful but his suggestions seem to involve more work for me.For example,he suggested I get these long-sleeved shirts made for him and the rest of the managers for an event they have to participate in because he likes long-sleeved shirts.while i don't think this would be too much work - i actually do not like saying yes to him because i feel resentment towards him for all the stuff he asks for! any advice?

#2 - i am in a dance group and frequently many of the girls arrive late and when they do arrive they waste a lot of time chatting.Hence sometimes we accomplish as much in 3 hours as we could of in 1 hour.i don't have all the time in the world to piss around and it makes me resentful.i received an email from the leader who asked if i could meet this thursday at 530.i asked her if we would be done by 730 (as this is the time i decided i want to leave).she said replied back "i think so".i want to positively reply back to see if she would mind sending the girls a reminder that we need to be on time and stay on task.any advice for how i should word it?

Appreciate support and advice

[JonesyAZ]

Lambert,

Here is some advice regarding the two issues you posted about:

1) I have dealt with coworkers like this in the past; it can be very frustrating! The best thing to do here is to have him go through a regular channel of communication for something like the shirts. Is he a manager? This can be a touchy subject, but i've found the best thing to do is to just be honest about your feelings in as nice a way as possible. If he responds poorly, or something doesn't change, then go to your or his manager to discuss what will make the situation comfortable.

2) I COMPLETELY relate to you on this! I had joined my H.O.A. about six months ago, and we would go from 7:00 to 11:00pm!!!!!!! The way that we handled it is that we now book a "strategy meeting" held a different day before the actual H.O.A. meeting, so that we can hang out, get all the chatter out of the way, etc. Then, when the meeting actually happens, it last maybe 2 hours at the most. Regarding how to tell your fellow dancers, i'd maybe say something like this:

Dear "leader name",

I am totally down with meeting at 5:30 this Thursday, but I will have to leave by 7:30 as I have other engagements that prevent me from staying longer. I really enjoy this dance group and spending the time learning from you and the rest of the girls every week. But I feel that lately we have spent more time socializing in a non-dance related way, and I would love for us to stay on task better during the time we are together. May I propose that we plan a general hang-out sometime in the future to talk about the things we like about our group and maybe how we could stay focused during our sessions to make the best of them?

Anyways, thank you for hearing me out and I can't wait to see ya Thursday!"

Lol...I hope that helped you Lambert

[pecos]

Regarding the first problem, be assertive! Simple. He does not care about you so do not worry about hurting his feelings. Say, "I'm afraid I don't have time to do that. Hope you can manage some other way." And walk away.
As for the second problem, that is also easy. Let it be known, verbally and in writing if you feel that's necessary, that you only have one hour, so you must start on time. Let them socialize AFTERWARDS. Begin on time, and leave before the gab session begins. Simply state your point: Begin at 5:30. All other stuff can take place after 6:30.

[Paz]

Hello,
I deal with co-workers like this everyday at work its so frustration. I am in charge of coordinating different projects at my job but I am pulled in several directions and my manager always wants to give me more work. She does not like it when I stand up for myself. She pretends in front of me that she wants me to be assertive but behind my back she will tell my co-workers that I am arguing with others and I need to be more flexible. I sometimes feel that she tries to undermine me by giving me more work and pulling me into projects that are not related to my job. My co-workers are very critical and rude and I am frustrated every day at work because of co-workers making me do double work and a manager who wants me to be passive and let others bully me.