Stress Center Peer Support

So I have a co-worker who is very assertive/borderline agressive sometimes.She is used to delegating and not being asked to do things.I have now had 3 situations with her.The first situation was when I asked her to help take something to another city that would benefit one of her restaurants (she is an Operations consultant for a fast food chain).She shortly said no, your taking it; with little explanation.I feel like she responds angrily to disuade me from asking for her help in the future.My boss stepped in to be the peace maker and said he would do it.

The 2nd situation was another one of our colleague's birthdays.I mentioned to her it was the next day and that WE should get her something.She told me "go out and get her a card and a cake and a present".So she just delegated the job to me.I was thinking about saying "no I don't have time" but decided to do it and just get the all of the stuff at the mall next door, it was convenient enough for me to do it all.I was just not happy about the way she just delegated the job to me.

The 3rd situation happened about 10 minutes ago.So I am not doing anything for 24 hours.I am in charge of fundraising for this huge event; she was going to help me out (which I appreciate) by getting the pre-sale sheet faxed to her husband's work.She delegated the job of faxing the sheet to her husband's work (which kind of annoyed me but whatever) to me.I was working on other things and was going to do it sometime today when she said "can you fax that now because my husband is waiting for it and his boss wants to look at it?" I said to her "i am busy, do you mind doing it?" She kind of huffed and puffed when again another peacemaker stepped in and said "i'll do it".Which made me mad again because I feel like she just huffs and puffs and the peacemakers do things for her because they are afraid of her.

Any advice?

That is a very intresting situation I must say.

The first situation, how was it you approached her? did you mention that it would benefit one of her restaurants? Is this more her department than yours?

2nd situation seems pretty straight forward to me. She doesn't seem at all intrested in that colleage or she could be taking your statement wrong. Maybe if you approached it diffrently.

ie.It's so and so's birthday, I was thinking of doing something special for it, would you like to help me out?

In this situation, if she said no then that is your answer. Although it would be nice to have her help you out, maybe having that expectation or should for her is what you might think about changing.

The 3rd situation she did offer to help you out and you did state your gratitude for that, she was still working towards the goal right? I cannot say much about her telling you to fax it as there are many factors, it could have been completely legit what she was saying about that or she could be just trying to get it done.

You said "I am busy, and do you mind doing it?"...if said in a calm and polite manner I'd say you did the best you could in that situation. You were very considerate to her but if she is going to decide to respond that way...well that is a short-coming on her part and I wouldn't be suprised if she uses her huffing and puffing to get out of alot of other situations.


All in all, I believe this is her problem and you are getting affected by it...When something isn't working right you have 2 options when it comes to changing it around;

Change your perception on the situation
Change your approach

By her not willing to help out, she is teaching people that she is not reliable, that she does not want to help out and would rather someone else do it. Personally, I would probabbly treat her the way she teaches other people how to treat her. I wouldn't bother including her in any kind of function. If you have to ask for her help (as it is part of her job description) and she refuses then I would try confronting her about why she can't do her job. I would think of some other way to put that, I just can't think of a way right now.


I hope that helps.

Mike