Angry and Bitter

[aleisa123]

I haven't posted on here in awhile so here goes. Long story short, my mom is an alcoholic/addict and I've spent the last year in groups and therapy trying to heal from the trauma of my childhood. Some days are good, some not so good, but I've made a lot of progress.

Anyhow about a month ago my mom tried to commit suicide, and since then I have been flooded with anger and fear and anxiety and sadness. And just when I think it's getting better more anger and resentments surface. Like I said I've been in therapy and I've got a wonderful support system, but lately, like the past few days I've been struggling with a lot of negative self talk and as a result more anger and guilt. I've also been taking it out on the one I love the most, my boyfriend.

I'm embarrassed to admit that I want to push him away and at the same time I am so fearful that he will leave. It's like all the anxiety and insecurity from my childhood is playing itself out in the here and now.

I mean I guess I should give myself some credit for the way I have been handling this. I mean if it would have happened a year ago, I think I would have been a basket case. But I guess I'm wondering when one knows that it's time to let go? When is all the anger spent and exhausted and the one can move forward? Anyone have any suggestions? Thanks.

[Iwillbeatthis]

Hey 123,

It helps to pinpoint the anger and the other feeling associated with it.If in relation to relationships them to try to forgive is a good way,but hard at the same time when you have to deal with people.Some situations you just have to walk away from or at least keep your distance,sorry about you Mom.This may help also,I have learned when I'm not in a good mood to not get angry with other people,that doesn't mean don't get angry,but don't take it out on other people because I may be hypersensitive at the moment,try that see if it helps !

[Guest]

Hi 123. I am a dweller. It takes me as much time to get over something as it takes me. I know it takes to long, but I'm not over it until I'm over it. This behavior changing stuff is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. It is slow, annoying, frustrating and sometimes makes me feel like screaming my head off. I get so angry at myself. I have made progress. I have found that my high anxiety levels actually speed up the process (I have not always had high anxiety). I do not hold stuff in like I used to. I learned that it was OK for me to have weak moments-even if it's in public. I don't mean I have "fits" in public, I just don't hold back every ounce of whatever emotion I am feeling every second of the day. Using something about yourself that is extremely annoying in a positive way-it took me a while to get that-LOL. I still dwell, but not like I used to. I conciously do thing to speed it up. I feel better faster. I have "coaches" in my family that have helped me along the way. My sister killed herself in June. That was a first for me. I spent 4 days in total shock at her house walking in circles mostly. I couldn't talk myself out of it. It just lasted as long as it did. The emotional stuff flowed in a little bit at a time at first. And then there were times when I felt like I was standing under Niagra Falls. I couldn't control my emotions very well at all, no matter where I was. Then it started to taper off a bit. It has been almost 7 months. It is better. It isn't good, but it's much better than it was. It will continue to feel better. If I stop to think of her, I will fall apart. So I don't, unless I am alone. I can't take all of that at once. I force myself to think of something else. I would love to sit and dwell on my pitty pot. But I have learned that we don't have time for that. We HAVE to accept, deal and move on. Time is not stopping for us. Best wishes. Anne

[Guest]

Thank you both for your words of encouragement and advice. I guess no one can really give us a recipe for letting go and moving on, but I can see that it doesn't help to wallow and dwell either. I wish you both the best and again, thank you!