Feel like I am going to explode

proudmomof2 · Post by **proudmomof2** » Wed Sep 10, 2008 7:48 am

I am so angry right now. First I was sad and now I am mad. I may offend some people, probably a lot of people with this post, and I am sorry, but I have to say it. All of us, myself included, need to realize that life could be soooooo much worse. Here we are complaining about being sad, not being able to go shopping, being self-conscious, being scared to socialize, etc. Yes, we can get physical symptoms with these things that make us feel bad momentarily. But, you know what, they go away! Does cancer go away, does kindey disease go away, does a brain injury go away..... I could go on and on. So many people have real physical ailments that will kill them. I am up close and personal to this fact. I just want to scream out "stop your whining" to everyone! There are people in this program who have seen their mother killed by their father, people who have been sexually, physically, emotionally abused, people are are facing death, etc. When you think about that and you think about your problems, don't you feel silly?!?!? I DO! I know what I have is real and it does harm me, but it is so small in the grander scope of life. Sorry everyone, I just needed to vent. My mother is very ill, my father has aged beyond belief dealing with my mother, I have a failing business, 2 mortgages, recently had surgery, a brother who is bipolar and an alcoholic and a sister who could care less and a husband who is like doctor jeckly and mr hyde. These are real life troubles. I had a friend comment the other day that she is amazed I can even function from day to day. I am too. I know they say God does not give you more than you can handle. But my question to him is......... How much more do you think I can take!

naturesgirl · Post by **naturesgirl** » Wed Sep 10, 2008 8:40 am

Dear Hawaii
I am sorry for all that you are going thru and you have a right to vent. You can't keep things bottled up inside you it is not healthy. and the fact that we are all human means that we do not all have to agree on things. I agree there are alot of people out there that are alot worse off than us. But we being who we are makes us some of the strongest people there are. Who else can stare fear in the face every day and still keep going. I think your anxiety/stress has obviously made you a very strong person.

I have also lost someone I love to cancer. Again I am very sorry for all that you are going thru if you need to vent or talk anymore please PM me. I hope this message helps. Sending lots of love your way.

bevhembree · Post by **bevhembree** » Wed Sep 10, 2008 10:48 am

Dear Hawaii,
I'm so sorry for all that you are going through and facing right now. I'm sending a big virtual hug and offering a shoulder to lean on if you need it. I thought about something profound to say, but it just isn't there right now.
I hope that your post isn't offense to anyone. I think most people have felt overwhelmed to the point of severe fustration, anger and exhaustion, and I hope you find understanding, not judgement.
I've seen some of your posts, and they are very inspiring. The drawback of internet buddies is that we really don't know what people are actually facing in their everyday lives, beyond anxiety and depression. And we don't see the ups and downs. From your posts that I've read, I never dreamed you were carrying such a load. I suspect that's the case with alot of people here. There was compliment in those words that I hope you saw. You do have an ability to reach out and comfort and be objective- I've read it. That may be only a small thing, but it is a positive thing that you can be proud of.
I once read that the trials and tribulations we suffer can act to prepare us to serve others or prepare us to handle others things down the road. My dad in law succumbed to Alzheimers this year and now my Grandma may have it. I'm more knowledgeable and understanding b/c of his suffering. A small bit of good to come out of tragedy.
So to end my rambling, I pray that God give you peace and strength to handle these situations in your life and that He grant a positive turn around for each issue/illness. May He bless your family, marriage, health, finances, business and relationships.
Please keep us updated as we continue to pray for you and yours.

GI822 · Post by **GI822** » Wed Sep 10, 2008 11:27 am

I think people reading this post, including myself, would get a bit defensive because we are so sensitive sometimes. But you are right. There are a lot of more serious, life threatining issues that people need to deal with.

I feel my anxiety does harm me, mentally, physically, and emoitionally. But a lot of times, I can control it and not let it threaten me. People who have brain damage can't change it or someone who was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer can't change it, but we can.

We need to remember though that judt because our problems or conditions aren't always as serious, they are very real to us and the people who are in our lives. We are strong people because we live with these problems everyday.

I'm sorry you have to go through everything you are dealing with. I hope things improve for you. It's a wild rollercoaster we are on everyday, up and down.

Good luck.

sunbound · Post by **sunbound** » Wed Sep 10, 2008 12:04 pm

Hawaii,

One thing stuck out to me in the responses to your post. Bevhembree noted that they had no idea that you were going through all of these trials, even though they've read many responses of yours. I would agree and think you've had some great responses.

Why this is so striking to me is that I imagine that so many others who seem to be complaining about their anxiety/depression may only be sharing just that. They may not be sharing the loss of family members or serious illness of their spouse or close friend or their cousin that was killed in a car accident the previous week or other life-threatening conditions of loved ones or themselves.

We are all unique and have our own stories to tell, most of which involve some real tragedies. I do believe that those challenges play a part, definitely in depression, and sometimes in the anxiety.

I am glad you shared honestly and do hope that others do not take offense. I did not take offense, but wanted to share a different perspective.

pecos · Post by **pecos** » Wed Sep 10, 2008 2:59 pm

Your heart felt honesty is quite refreshing. Every day there are such events and people where your words ring loudly. Tomorrow will be one of those days ... and it will always put life into perspective for me in a serious way. Thank you so very much for the reminder. You are a truly wonderful person.

proudmomof2 · Post by **proudmomof2** » Thu Sep 11, 2008 6:43 am

Thank you everyone for your responses. I am happy to say I have calmed down a little today

Yesterday was hard. I did get some good news last night about my mother that helped ease some of the tension. She has again escaped the inevitable. I will have her for one more day, and hopefully more days beyond that. But, what I did realize from talking to some wonderful people on here is I will make it through whatever comes down the road. It will be hard, but I can do it. So, I am going to pull myself up by my bootstraps as they say, and march forward.

I know I will have road blocks, like today, another coworker lost her only child to cancer this morning after a 2 year battle, events like this will keep things in persepctive for me. I truly know the meaning of "so- what" now. You don't like my hair, so-what; you don't like my personality, so-what; you don't like me, so-what. I am alive, I have a family who loves me, I have friends who love me (you all included) and I still have a life to live.

I ask all of you to stop and take a moment the next time you start to feel your life is so horrible and you just don't want to go on another day.... think about what if God heard you and decided to answer your prayer? Are you really ready for death? I think almost all of us when faced with the choice would chose life, I know my friend's son would have.

Be conscious, be aware, be grateful, be thankful, forgive, move forward, love like there is no tomorrow because one day, there's won't be.

God Bless.

Thefriend · Post by **Thefriend** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 7:58 am

Hello everyone! It has been some time since my last entry. Thank you all so much for your wisdom and the love you have for one another!
From the looks of it, if there were any victims to be found here, it would be all of us. I really must say that it it extremly comforting to know there are others like me who every day that goes by wonder just how they made it through the previous day and finally realize what a miracle that is. It would certainly be very easy if the only thing we had to deal with was anxiety and/or depression. However we are all very complex, tough people who work, go to school, are married, etc. All of this really makes the perfect recipe for a lot of trouble!
and yet, I know God is mindfull of each and everyone of us. He will NEVER forsaken us if so choose to put our trust in him and follow diligently his example in loving kindness and everything else that has been said by all of you. I am glad we also get a break every now and then. I hope every thing works out for all of you! Keep your head up and never give up no matter what. We can do it. We are not alone. It is in those times of a lot of tribulations that we grow and become better people, closer to God. Our troubles are not eternal. We will rest from all of this one day. In the mean time, we must labor unsceasingly for the welfare of our families, friends, and all people who will ever need our support. I am sure God will show the way "line upon line and precept upon precept" as He has said. Keep up all your good work. May all of us pray always for the good of humankind. Take care my friends!!!!

darlafred · Post by **darlafred** » Tue Sep 21, 2010 5:39 am

Originally posted by proudmomof2:
I am so angry right now. First I was sad and now I am mad. I may offend some people, probably a lot of people with this post, and I am sorry, but I have to say it. All of us, myself included, need to realize that life could be soooooo much worse. Here we are complaining about being sad, not being able to go shopping, being self-conscious, being scared to socialize, etc. Yes, we can get physical symptoms with these things that make us feel bad momentarily. But, you know what, they go away! Does cancer go away, does kindey disease go away, does a brain injury go away..... I could go on and on. So many people have real physical ailments that will kill them. I am up close and personal to this fact. I just want to scream out "stop your whining" to everyone! There are people in this program who have seen their mother killed by their father, people who have been sexually, physically, emotionally abused, people are are facing death, etc. When you think about that and you think about your problems, don't you feel silly?!?!? I DO! I know what I have is real and it does harm me, but it is so small in the grander scope of life. Sorry everyone, I just needed to vent. My mother is very ill, my father has aged beyond belief dealing with my mother, I have a failing business, 2 mortgages, recently had surgery, a brother who is bipolar and an alcoholic and a sister who could care less and a husband who is like doctor jeckly and mr hyde. These are real life troubles. I had a friend comment the other day that she is amazed I can even function from day to day. I am too. I know they say God does not give you more than you can handle. But my question to him is......... How much more do you think I can take!

I am sorry to hear what you are going thru. I lost my mom,three sisters to cancer my brother to cancer and my father to heart diease. All thru my 20's and 30's I had to bury my family.
I had two drug addicts for sisters who stole from me. At the time I was reading H E Hubbard to get me thru these things. It helped for a while, but now after all of this I am married to a drinker....I am trying with all my might to
stay calm. The anger issue is a big thing and so is the aniexty. God bless you hon. I hope all goes well with you.
Darla

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Tue Sep 21, 2010 6:26 am

proudmomof2

I understand what you are saying and you're right that things can be much worse and if this helps to make it easier for you to overcome the condition then great however it can also make people feel like they aren't allowed to feel the way they feel. It can actually make recovery even more difficult for anybody. Pain is pain and I don't personally believe that you have to be at a certain level of pain before you are allowed to vent and complain about it. However with the anxiety and depression we can do something about it and so instead of complaining, do something to fix it. I am sorry you are going through all those challenges right now and it must be very overwhelming, sad and stressful for you. Those are not easy things to handle.

Mike