SO ANGRY
Posted: Wed May 08, 2013 11:40 am
I have a short fuse and am bothered by everything. It resonates with me that people with anxiety and depression don't feel well and in return have short tempers. That makes a lot of sense. The way people "are", infuriates me. The way in which "life is not fair", infuriates me. The fact that I have anxiety and depression infuriates me.
I can now see the illusion in all this. Anger seems to bring me power when I feel powerless. It brings me control when I'm out of control. But it's a lie. I am never powerless or out of control, I only feel that way. So the anger is only telling others that I am insecure. It gains no respect or resolution. I trusted that my anger was my assertiveness without knowing the difference.
Now I tell myself that yelling is like cursing and being angry is being afraid. It's completely counterproductive. It's reactionary and I know that to resolve an issue, it makes more sense to remain calm in order to truly see what's bothering me. I will try to stop being defensive so I can stop impulsively reacting with anger.
I can now see the illusion in all this. Anger seems to bring me power when I feel powerless. It brings me control when I'm out of control. But it's a lie. I am never powerless or out of control, I only feel that way. So the anger is only telling others that I am insecure. It gains no respect or resolution. I trusted that my anger was my assertiveness without knowing the difference.
Now I tell myself that yelling is like cursing and being angry is being afraid. It's completely counterproductive. It's reactionary and I know that to resolve an issue, it makes more sense to remain calm in order to truly see what's bothering me. I will try to stop being defensive so I can stop impulsively reacting with anger.